Why Does Our Cognitive Function Seem to Diminish

 

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Why Does Our Cognitive Function Seem to Diminish?", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people can't use their logic when they are falling in love, From a neuroscientific perspective, there are several reasons why falling in love makes us appear (and feel) less intelligent:

1. A Flood of Dopamine and the Disengagement of the Prefrontal Cortex

When we fall in love, the brain releases large amounts of dopamine into the reward system. This activates the same areas as substance addiction. The problem is, when this emotional (limbic) system becomes overactive, activity in the prefrontal cortex (the centre for logic, decision-making, and self-control) actually decreases.

Analogy: Your emotional engine is revving at full throttle, whilst your logical brakes have failed.

​2. Decreased Serotonin Levels

​Research shows that people who are in love have low serotonin levels, similar to those with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). This is why you find yourself constantly thinking about them (intrusive thoughts), making it difficult to concentrate on work or university assignments.

​3. Excessive "Cognitive Load"

​Our working memory capacity is limited. If 80% of your brain’s energy is spent analysing the meaning behind “Hang on, did they just smile at me?”, then only 20% remains for tackling calculus or a work report. This isn’t a drop in IQ, but a problem of resource allocation

✅How to Overcome the "Foolishness" of Being in Love

​Although it’s hard to fight hormones, you can minimise their impact with a few strategic steps:

​1. Apply the "10–20 Minute Rule"

​Don’t let yourself get lost in daydreams or endless social media stalking. Set aside specific time, for example: allow 10–20 minutes out of every hour when you’re constantly thinking about them, then force your brain back to work or engage in activities that support productive work or hobbies. This helps retrain your prefrontal cortex to regain control.

​2. Avoid Making Major Decisions (such as making promises) whilst in love

​If possible, postpone crucial life decisions whilst you are close to the person you love, as you are currently at the peak of the infatuation phase. Remember, your assessment of risk is currently distorted; counterbalance this by engaging in activities that make you sweat or keep you busy, with the aim of reducing the infatuation phase

​3. Grounding: Return to Reality

​Love often leads us to create an idealised narrative about someone. Try to remain objective.

​Tip: Write a list of their human traits or minor flaws to remind your brain that they are an ordinary person, not a perfect god or goddess.

​4. Intense Physical Activity

​Intense exercise can help burn off excess energy and rebalance neurotransmitters in the brain. This is the quickest way to ‘cool down’ an overheated limbic system.

​Important Note: This phase is temporary. Over time, stress hormones (cortisol) and dopamine will stabilise, and your cognitive abilities will return to normal as the relationship enters a more stable phase (attachment).

The power of a coping mechanism in stressful situation

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "The power of a coping mechanism in stressful situation". The main reason why I choose that topic because many people are trapped in negative emotional until they can't go back in peaceful situation, In psychology, a coping mechanism is a strategy used by an individual to manage stress, negative emotions, or stressful situations. Broadly speaking, experts (such as Lazarus & Folkman) divide them into several main categories based on their focus.

The following are the types of coping mechanisms commonly studied:

1. Problem-Focused Coping

This strategy aims to resolve the source of stress directly. It is usually employed when a person feels they have control over the situation.

 *Problem Analysis: Examining the situation to find logical solutions.

 *Time Management: Organising one’s schedule so that a heavy workload feels more manageable.

 *Seeking Instrumental Support: Asking for practical help, such as borrowing money during a financial crisis or consulting an expert on how to fix something.

2. Emotion-Focused Coping

This strategy aims to reduce the negative emotional impact of stress, without changing the situation causing it. It is often used when the situation is beyond our control.

 *Journaling: Writing down feelings to release mental burdens.

 *Meditation or Mindfulness: Calming the nervous system so it does not react to stress.

 *Reframing: Trying to see the positive side or the silver lining of a bad event.

 *Distraction: Engaging in a hobby or watching a film for a while to avoid constant worry.

3. Meaning-Focused Coping

A person uses their beliefs, values, or life goals to give meaning to difficult situations.

 *Spirituality: Finding strength through prayer or religious faith.

 *Altruism: Helping others facing similar difficulties to feel a sense of empowerment.

Classification Based on Impact

In addition to the categories above, psychology also distinguishes these strategies based on whether their impact is healthy or harmful:

Adaptive (Healthy)

Strategies that help a person grow and recover in the long term.

 * Exercise: Channelling stress into positive physical energy.

 * Social Support: Discussing with friends or professionals (such as counsellors) to gain a new perspective.

 * Acceptance: Acknowledging the reality of the situation so one can begin to move forward.

Maladaptive (Less Healthy)

Strategies that provide instant relief but worsen the problem or mental health in the future.

 * Denial: Pretending the problem does not exist.

 * Excessive Escapism: Using drugs, alcohol, or excessive escapism (such as scrolling through social media for hours) to numb oneself.

 *Self-Blame: Constantly blaming oneself, which actually lowers self-esteem.

Choosing the right type of coping usually depends on the context of the problem. Adaptive strategies generally involve a balance between resolving problems that can be changed and soothing emotions regarding things that cannot be controlled.

The waiting phase prevents a person from growing mentally

    Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "The waiting phase prevents a person from growing mentally", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone is aware about the phase where they get into it, If we pay attention, those who do not pay attention to the direction in which their life is developing, they tend to enter a waiting phase,  The waiting phase is often a period of uncertainty, yet also a transitional space for growth. Psychologically, this is not merely a pause in time, but a mental state in which a person feels their life is being ‘held back’ by external factors or unresolved decisions.

The following are the factors that cause a person to enter this phase and how psychology views them:

Factors Leading to the Waiting Phase

 *Ambiguity of Purpose: Uncertainty regarding the next step following an achievement (for example, after graduating or completing a major project).

 *External Dependency: Waiting for validation or a decision from another party, such as recruitment results, bureaucratic approval, or a response in an interpersonal relationship.

 *Defence Mechanism (Avoidance): Sometimes, waiting becomes a form of subconscious procrastination to avoid the risk of failure that might occur if they move forward.

 *Lack of Resources: Feeling that one does not yet have sufficient capacity (financial, mental, or skills) to begin the next stage.

Psychological Perspectives on the Waiting Phase

In psychological discourse, this phase is often viewed from several key perspectives:

1. Liminality (The In-Between Space)

The concept of liminality describes the condition of being ‘on the threshold’. A person is no longer in their old position, but has not yet reached the new one. Psychology views this as a crucial transitional period for identity formation, though it is often accompanied by anxiety due to the loss of clear structure.

2. Uncertainty Tolerance

Cognitive psychology highlights how each individual responds to uncertainty. Those with low tolerance tend to experience severe stress and perceive the waiting phase as a threat. Conversely, individuals with high tolerance view it as an opportunity for reflection.

3. Expectancy Theory

According to Victor Vroom, a person’s motivation is heavily influenced by the expectation that their efforts will yield results. During the waiting phase, if the link between ‘effort’ and ‘outcome’ becomes unclear, a person may experience a drastic drop in motivation or even learned helplessness.

4. Existentialism: The Search for Meaning

From the perspective of logotherapy, the waiting phase is a moment in which the individual is tested to find meaning amidst emptiness. Rather than viewing it as wasted time, this approach suggests transforming ‘waiting time’ into ‘preparation time’ to maintain internal control over one’s life.

Important Note: The waiting phase becomes destructive if it turns into total passivity. Psychology suggests continuing to perform ‘Micro-Actions’—small actions that remain under personal control—to maintain mental well-being during this period.

Building a child’s self-confidence amidst their parents’ divorce

    Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Building a child’s self-confidence amidst their parents’ divorce", the main reason why I choose that topic because not many parents consider their children's feeling when they decide to break up the relationship, many children lose their self-confidence when their parents divorce, for your information, Building a child’s self-confidence amidst their parents’ divorce is a process that requires emotional sensitivity. In psychology, divorce is often regarded as an ‘ambiguous loss’, where the parents are still physically present but the family structure that provided a sense of security has collapsed.

Here are some practical steps and psychological insights to help children remain resilient:

1. Provide Certainty (Predictability)

Psychologically, children feel insecure because they feel they have lost control over their lives. When the family unit breaks down, their world feels unsafe.

 *Stable Routines: Maintain meal, school, and sleep schedules as consistent as possible. Routines create a sense of security that forms the foundation of self-confidence.

 *Honest Explanations: Use age-appropriate language. Tell them it is not their fault. Children tend to internalise the situation, blaming themselves for the divorce.

2. Validate Emotions (Don’t Ignore Them)

Self-confidence grows when children feel understood. Do not force children to always be ‘happy’ or ‘strong’.

 *Reflecting Feelings: If the child is angry or sad, say: “Mum/Dad knows this is hard for you, and it’s okay to feel sad.”

 *Attachment Theory: Ensure the child knows that although the relationship between the parents has ended, the parent-child bond will never break. This maintains their secure base.

3. Encourage Independence and Competence

Help children find areas where they can ‘succeed’ or excel.

 *Hobbies and Interests: Support them in sports, the arts, or academics. Success outside the home will help offset the sense of heartbreak they feel at home.

 *Small Responsibilities: Give them light household tasks they can complete. Successfully completing small tasks will build self-efficacy (belief in one’s own abilities).

A Psychological Perspective on the Impact of Divorce

Modern psychology views the impact of divorce on children through several key lenses:

A. Erik Erikson’s Theory of Development

Depending on the child’s age, divorce can disrupt their developmental stages. For example, at school age, children are in the Industry vs. Inferiority stage. If parental conflict is too dominant, children may feel inferior because they perceive their family as ‘different’ or ‘failed’.

B. The Concept of a ‘Fragmented Self-Esteem’

Children often see themselves as a part of both parents. If one parent disparages the other, the child unconsciously feels that half of their identity is flawed.

 *Advice: Avoid using the child as a messenger or a sounding board for parental issues.

C. Resilience

Positive psychology emphasises that divorce does not necessarily ruin a child’s future. If a child receives consistent emotional support from at least one stable adult figure, they can develop strong resilience—the ability to bounce back from trauma.

Important Note: > If a child exhibits drastic behavioural changes such as complete withdrawal, a sharp decline in academic performance, or prolonged sleep disturbances, consulting a child psychologist is strongly recommended to provide a safe space for them to process their grief.

Make peace with things out of control

    Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Make peace with things out of control", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people's mind get trapped with the things out of control and it causes stressed and depressed, if it's happening in long term period, as impact, people's life will decline from the peace time period, now return to the main topic, coming to terms with things beyond our control is the art of releasing the tension between reality and expectations. Often, our minds get stuck in a *loop* because they feel that by thinking about something constantly, they are ‘working’ to find a solution, when in fact all that is happening is mental exhaustion.

Here are some practical approaches to help shift your focus and calm your mind:

1. Use the "Control Dichotomy"

This concept from Stoic philosophy encourages us to divide everything into two buckets:

 * Bucket A (Controllable): Our thoughts, our actions, our words, and how we respond to situations.

 * Bucket B (Uncontrollable): Other people’s opinions, the past, the weather, the final outcome, and other people’s decisions.

Whenever your mind starts to “rattle”, ask yourself: “Is this in Bucket A or B?” If it’s in Bucket B, consciously say, “This isn’t my domain,” then force your focus back to Bucket A.

2. The “Worry Time” Technique

Instead of forbidding yourself from thinking about it (which usually only makes the thoughts stronger), set aside a specific time.

 * Set aside 10–15 minutes a day (e.g. 5 pm) as your “Worry Time”.

 * Outside of that time, if the thought arises, say: “I’ll think about this later at 5 pm.”

 * When the time comes, write down all those worries on a piece of paper. Usually, by the time that moment arrives, the intensity of the emotions has already diminished significantly.

3. Grounding: Return to the Body

Constantly racing thoughts usually make us "drift" away from the present reality. The 5-4-3-2-1 technique can bring you back:

 * Name 5 objects you can see.

 * 4 sounds you can hear.

 * 3 textures you can feel (clothes, a table, your skin).

 * 2 smells you can detect.

 * 1 taste on your tongue.

   This forces the brain to switch from *default* mode (daydreaming/worrying) to sensory mode.

4. Turn "What if" into "We’ll see"

Thoughts often get stuck in "What if...?" scenarios. These sentences are speculative and endless.

Try replacing it with the phrase: "We’ll see later."

This phrase implies acceptance that you don’t know what will happen, yet you trust in your ability to handle it when it actually does.

5. Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome

If you’re feeling anxious about something you’re working on, shift your attention entirely to the **small steps** you can take right now.

 * Don’t worry about whether this project will succeed (beyond your control).

 * Think about the one paragraph you need to write today (within your control).

Coming to terms with things doesn’t mean we don’t care; it means acknowledging that our energy is limited. Wasting energy on things we cannot change leaves little energy for the things we actually can improve.

The reason the human brain often does something even though it is prohibited

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "The reason the human brain often does something even though it is prohibited", The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people don't look for a strong reason why they are prohibited to do something, In psychology, this phenomenon is known as Psychological Reactance. Our subconscious isn’t simply trying to be ‘naughty’; it is reacting to the threat of losing our freedom, If we observe more deeply, the reason someone continues to do something even though it is prohibited is because they have not found a turning point to stop their actions, The human brain tends to avoid uncertainty and discomfort from anything in the world., whereas in reality, humans must avoid zones of certainty that provide a feeling of comfort for a long time, the main reason is because feeling comfortable for too long can weaken the mental function of the human brain's work 

Here are a few reasons why prohibitions actually create a stronger pull:

1. The Theory of Psychological Reactance

When someone forbids us from doing something, our brain interprets this as a restriction on our self-autonomy. Instinctively, humans have a fundamental need to feel in control of their own lives.

 The response: To restore that sense of control, the subconscious mind drives us to do the forbidden thing to prove that “I am still free to make my own choices.”

2. The "Ironic Process" Effect (The Paradox of Mental Suppression)

The subconscious mind works in a unique way. When you try not to think about something, the brain must constantly monitor that thought to ensure you are not thinking about it.

 Example: If I say "Don’t think about a pink elephant," the first thing that pops into your head is that elephant.

 The effect: The prohibition makes the forbidden object *top-of-mind* (the centre of attention), so our mental energy is actually focused there.

3. The Theory of Scarcity

Evolutionarily speaking, things that are limited or hard to obtain are considered more valuable. A prohibition creates the impression that something is “exclusive” or “hidden”.

 The subconscious assumes: “If it’s forbidden, there must be something incredibly pleasurable, important, or beneficial behind it that others don’t want to know about.”

4. The Drive to Explore

Biologically, humans are explorers. Prohibition creates an information gap. Curiosity arises from uncertainty: “Why is it forbidden? What happens if I do it anyway?” The desire to close this information gap is often stronger than the fear of the prohibition’s consequences.

How to Address It

In the context of self-regulation or therapy, understanding these mechanisms is very helpful:

 Use Positive Language: Instead of saying "Don’t get angry," it is more effective to use the instruction "Stay calm." This does not trigger reactance.

 Grant Autonomy: If we understand the reason behind a restriction, reactance usually diminishes because we feel we are making a logical decision, rather than simply being forced.

This is often a challenge in itself, particularly when we try to discipline ourselves but instead feel ‘restricted’ by the rules we’ve set. 

What makes someone feel left behind in working hard

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "What makes someone feels left behind in working hard", the reason why I choose that topic because many adults feel left behind when they must compete with young people or young generation, I don't mean to compare between the younger generation and the older generation,  In reality itself there are no competitors, there is only continuous change, the real competitor is who we were yesterday, based on Psychological view, The feeling of "being late to work hard" is a common experience and can be understood through several psychological perspectives:

 

1. Cognitive Factors: Thought Patterns and Perception of Time

 

- Views on "ideal timing": Many people hold social or personal standards about when they should start working hard (e.g., "must succeed before the age of 30"). This perception is often influenced by culture, media, or other people’s success stories, which make them feel left behind.

- Self-blaming cognitive thoughts: Thoughts such as "I have wasted my time" or "others are already more advanced" can reinforce the feeling of being late and make it difficult to start.

- Mistakes in assessing progress: We often focus on others’ end results without looking at their journey or the challenges they faced, leading to an unfair sense of being left behind.

 

2. Emotional and Motivational Factors

 

- Fear of failure: The fear that efforts made now will not be enough to catch up can make a person hesitant to start, thus prolonging the feeling of being late.

- Fatigue or depression: Emotional conditions like chronic fatigue or depression can reduce energy and motivation to work hard, making time feel like it passes without perceived progress.

- Lack of goal clarity: Without clear goals, a person may struggle to find reasons to work hard and feel that time already spent has been wasted.

 

3. Past Experience Factors

 

- Past obstacles or difficulties: Experiences such as limited access to opportunities, family problems, or personal challenges that hindered development can make a person feel they have fallen behind their peers.

- Upbringing or educational patterns: If a person was not taught the importance of discipline and hard work in the past, or was even prevented from developing their potential, they may feel late when they begin to realize its importance.

 

4. Social and Cultural Factors

 

- Social pressure: Demands from family, friends, or society regarding achievement and success by a certain age can make a person feel they have exceeded the "allowed" time limit to work hard.

- Comparison with others: Cultures that prioritize competition and comparison often make people feel left behind, even if their own progress is actually good enough.

 

Positive Psychological Perspective

 

Psychology also emphasizes that there is no absolute time limit for starting to work hard. The concept of "brain plasticity" shows that our brains can still learn and develop throughout life. Additionally, each person has a different developmental rhythm—some find their direction and drive to work hard early on, while others discover it later in life after going through various life experiences.

 

The feeling of being late can also be a positive trigger if managed well, as it can increase awareness of the importance of time and provide motivation to take action now, hopefully this article can give you an insight, good luck.

How to deal with an inner child which was hurt in the past

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to deal with an inner child which was hurt in the past", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone can deal the hurt inner child, "In psychology, the inner child is viewed as a part of a person's personality that retains characteristics, memories, and emotions from childhood—both positive and negative. When this inner child is wounded by trauma, neglect, or unhealthy parenting, it continues to "live" within the adult and influences the way we act today.

 

Below are psychological perspectives and ways to address these wounds:

 

Psychological Perspectives on the Wounded Inner Child 

Psychology sees these wounds not merely as memories, but as trapped nervous system responses. Some of their impacts on adults include:

 

- Overreaction: Feeling extremely angry or sad over small issues because they trigger old memories.

- Poor Relationship Patterns: For example, fear of abandonment leading to excessive dependence, or conversely, being very closed off.

- Harsh Self-Criticism: Having an inner voice that always blames oneself—often an internalization of criticism from parents or the environment in the past.

- Coping Mechanisms: The emergence of destructive behaviors such as excessive perfectionism, difficulty saying "no," or escaping into unhealthy things.

 

Ways to Address the Wounded Inner Child

 

In psychotherapy, the healing process is usually carried out through the following techniques:

 

1. Reparenting (Being a Parent to Yourself)

This is the most popular method. You learn to give yourself now what you did not receive in the past.

 

- Validation: Telling yourself, "It's okay to feel sad; what happened back then was indeed painful."

- Protection: Learning to set boundaries to avoid being hurt by the same patterns again.

 

2. Dialogue and Letter-Writing

Try writing a letter from your adult self to your childhood self.

 

- Example: Write that you are safe now, and that you will take care of that "little one." Conversely, try writing down what the child feels using your non-dominant hand to access the emotional part of the brain.

 

3. Visualization and Meditation

Imagine meeting your younger self from the past. Hug them, listen to their story, and say the things they wanted to hear back then (such as "You are valuable" or "This is not your fault").

4. Expressive Therapy

Sometimes words are not enough. Using art therapy (drawing) or play therapy can help release repressed emotions without having to explain them logically.

5. Professional Help

If the wound stems from severe trauma (violence or abuse), it is highly recommended to see a psychologist. They may use methods such as:

 

- CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): Changing negative thought patterns.

- EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Helping process traumatic memories so they no longer feel painful.

 

Healing the inner child is a journey, not an instant destination. This process helps you live more peacefully in the present without being constantly driven by the pain of the past."

What causes a couple's relationship to fail, is the cause due to dissimilarity?

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "What causes a couple's relationship to fail, is the cause due to dissimilarity? From a psychological perspective, the answer is yes, there is a very high possibility.

 Although the cliché "opposites attract" is often heard, long-term psychological research actually shows that similarity and shared meaning are the main foundations of lasting relationships.

 

Here is a psychological breakdown of why the absence of these two elements often causes relationships to fail:

 

1. The Role of Similarity: The Similarity-Attraction Effect

 

In social psychology, there is a strong principle called the Similarity-Attraction Effect. We are naturally drawn to and feel safe with people who are similar to us. However, psychologists distinguish "similarity" into two levels:

 

- Surface-Level Similarity: Hobbies, music tastes, or favorite foods. Differences here are not fatal. You can like rock music and your partner jazz, and the relationship can still work.

- Deep-Level Similarity: Core life values, spiritual views, money management, parenting styles, and future vision.

 

Why does this cause failure?

If you lack deep-level similarity, constant cognitive conflict will occur. Every major decision—from buying a house to communicating—becomes a battlefield because your "life dictionaries" are different. Without a shared value foundation, compromise becomes extremely tiring and often feels like a sacrifice of self.

 

2. Sternberg's Love Theory: The Loss of "Commitment"

 

Robert Sternberg, a renowned psychologist, formulated the Triangular Theory of Love. According to him, complete love consists of three components:

 

- Intimacy (emotional closeness)

- Passion (physical desire)

- Commitment (the decision to stay together)

 

When you say "there is no reason to be together," in this psychology, it is often translated as the loss of the Commitment component.

 

- Without a strong reason (shared vision), the relationship only survives on Passion (which is temporary by nature) or Intimacy (merely being a confidant).

- When desire fades (a natural process), it is the "reason" or commitment that holds partners together through difficult times. If that reason is absent, there is no "glue" to bind the relationship when storms hit.

 

3. The "Shared Meaning" Theory

 

Relationship psychologist John Gottman emphasizes the importance of creating Shared Meaning. Lasting couples are not just those who love each other, but those who build a "culture" together.

 

If there is no similarity and no shared reason (purpose), then:

 

- You live "parallel lives" (existing under the same roof but separately), not "shared lives."

- There are no shared rituals, shared dreams, or narratives of "us against the world."

- This lack of shared meaning creates an emotional emptiness that often leads to breakup due to loneliness within the relationship.

 

4. Social Exchange Theory

 

This theory views relationships as a "Cost vs. Benefit" calculation:

 

- Costs: Effort to understand a very different partner, conflicts from value differences, energy to tolerate mismatches.

- Benefits: Emotional support, security, happiness.

 

If there is no similarity (high communication costs) and no strong reason (low future benefits), humans will psychologically withdraw. Our brains are wired to seek efficiency; maintaining a relationship that is emotionally costly without a clear purpose is seen by our subconscious as a "foolish investment."

 

Conclusion

 

Psychologically, a relationship can end not because of a third party or a big fight, but because of the silent erosion caused by two things:

 

- Fatigue: Tired of constantly bridging too wide differences in principles.

- Lack of Purpose: Not knowing where the relationship ship is sailing.

 

A healthy relationship requires "enough similarity" to make communication smooth, and "enough reason" to make the struggle worthwhile.

Psychological trauma recovery works through interconnected biological and psychological mechanisms

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Psychological trauma recovery works through interconnected biological and psychological mechanisms". The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people don't know how to heal from the trauma of their past, Many people are willing to take medication to recover from trauma, even though medication only acts as a buffer for emotional wounds, not a cure. At its core is "reprogramming" how the brain and body respond to painful memories.

 

Below is an explanation of trauma recovery mechanisms divided into three main aspects:

 

1. Biological Mechanism: Neuroplasticity (Brain Plasticity)

The key to healing is neuroplasticity — the brain’s ability to change, repair itself, and form new neural pathways.

 

- Trauma-Related Issues: When trauma occurs, the brain enters survival mode.

- The amygdala (fear/alarm center) becomes overactive.

- The hippocampus (memory center) fails to process the event as "past," so the memory feels like it is happening "in the present."

- The prefrontal cortex (rational brain) becomes less active ("offline").

- Recovery Mechanism: Therapy and exercises help calm the amygdala and reactivate the prefrontal cortex. The goal is to move traumatic memories from "active emotional memory" to "ordinary long-term memory" with a sense of timing (understanding that the event is over).

 

2. Two Recovery Pathways: Top-Down & Bottom-Up

In modern psychology, there are two main approaches to accessing these healing mechanisms:

A. Top-Down Processing (From Mind to Body)

Uses the rational brain to calm emotions.

 

- Method: Through talk therapy (e.g., CBT/Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).

- Mechanism: You are guided to recognize negative thought patterns (e.g., "I am not safe anywhere") and train the brain to challenge them with logic and facts ("I am safe now; the event is over"). This strengthens the prefrontal cortex’s "muscles" to control fear.

 

B. Bottom-Up Processing (From Body to Mind)

Uses the body to send safety signals to the brain. This is critical because trauma is often "stored" in the body (muscle tension, rapid heartbeat).

 

- Method: Breathing exercises, mindfulness, yoga, or somatic therapy.

- Mechanism: Directly calms the autonomic nervous system. When the body relaxes, it sends signals to the brainstem and amygdala that "there is no danger," allowing the rational brain to function again.

 

3. Stages of the Recovery Mechanism (Judith Herman’s Model)

These mechanisms unfold gradually through three main phases:

 

- Safety & Stabilization:

Before exploring old wounds, the nervous system must first be calmed. The focus is on helping you feel safe in the present and able to manage overwhelming emotions.

- Remembrance & Mourning (Processing):

This is the core of trauma processing. Traumatic memories are recalled in small, safe doses (exposure) and then given new meaning. The goal is desensitization — reducing the negative emotional charge of the memory so it no longer hurts when remembered.

- Reconnection & Integration:

Trauma no longer defines who you are; it becomes just a small part of your life story. You begin to rebuild social connections and new life purposes.

 

Summary

Trauma recovery is not about "erasing memories," but about changing your relationship with those memories. Through neuroplasticity, the brain learns that the memory is a thing of the past that no longer poses a physical threat to you in the present.

Signs of childhood trauma in adults

   Hi, today I would like to share the interesting topic, namely "Signs of childhood trauma in adults", the main reason why I choose that topic because not many people can detect it, Signs of childhood trauma in adults can appear in various forms, whether emotionally, behaviorally, cognitively, or physically. Childhood trauma occurs when a child experiences a frightening event, causes uncontrollable fear, or makes them feel unsafe without adequate support. Its effects can be long-lasting and affect how a person interacts with the world, themselves, and others as an adult. Below is a more detailed explanation of the signs:

 

Emotional Signs

- Excessive worry and anxiety: Often feeling anxious for no clear reason, experiencing severe social anxiety, or having panic attacks. Childhood trauma can make the brain accustomed to dangerous situations, so it stays in "alert" mode even when there is no real threat.

- Depression and hopelessness: Often feeling sad, helpless, or having no hope for the future. Some people also experience a sense of emptiness or lack of a clear identity.

- Difficulty managing emotions: Easily angered, offended, or crying for no clear reason. Sometimes also experiencing "emotional numbing," where it is hard to feel happiness or affection.

- Excessive guilt and shame: Always feeling at fault even when doing nothing wrong, or being ashamed of themselves and their past. Trauma can make a person feel that they are to blame for the events that happened to them.

- Difficulty trusting others: Hard to build deep relationships and trust others, because of fear of being betrayed, hurt, or neglected like what happened in childhood.

 

Behavioral Signs

- Difficulty in relationships: Often experiencing problems in romantic, friendship, or family relationships — for example, being too dependent, too distant, or always looking for conflict. Some people also tend to withdraw from social activities and live alone.

- Self-harm behavior: Engaging in behavior that is dangerous to oneself, such as hitting oneself, cutting oneself, or taking unnecessary risks. This can be a way to cope with painful feelings that cannot be expressed.

- Addiction: Trapped in addiction to alcohol, drugs, food, games, or other activities as a way to escape from trauma feelings.

- Difficulty sleeping or nightmares: Hard to fall asleep, often waking up in the middle of the night, or having nightmares that remind one of childhood traumatic events.

- Excessive control behavior: Always wanting to control all aspects of their life, because of fear of losing control like what happened in the past. This can appear in the form of strict habits, perfectionism, or difficulty accepting one's own flaws.

 

Cognitive Signs

- Negative thoughts about oneself: Always seeing oneself as not good enough, weak, or worthless. This can come from hurtful words or behavior of adults in childhood.

- Difficulty concentrating and remembering: Hard to focus on daily tasks, or experiencing memory problems — especially memories of the traumatic event itself (dissociation). Sometimes also experiencing "mind blank" when exposed to triggers that remind one of the trauma.

- Believing in wrong assumptions: Having unrealistic beliefs, such as "I will always be hurt" or "no one will love me." These beliefs can shape how a person sees the world and makes decisions.

- Dissociation: Sometimes feeling like "being detached from oneself" or as if watching their life from the outside. This is the brain's natural defense mechanism to protect itself from excessive pain.

 

Physical Signs 

- Unclear body pain: Experiencing back pain, headaches, stomach pain, or other physical discomfort that cannot be explained by medical causes. Trauma can affect the autonomic nervous system, causing muscle tension and physical health problems.

- Immune system problems: More susceptible to illness because of long-term stress from trauma that lowers the immune system.

- Digestive problems: Experiencing recurring gastritis, constipation, or diarrhea due to the connection between the brain and digestive tract that is affected by stress.

- Rapid heartbeat or difficulty breathing: Often feeling a racing heartbeat or difficulty breathing, especially when exposed to triggers that remind one of the trauma.

 

It should be noted that not all people who experience childhood trauma will show all these signs, and the severity can vary. Some people may not realize that their feelings or behaviors come from past trauma, because the symptoms can appear gradually as they get older.

 

If you or someone you know experiences these signs and finds it difficult to cope on your own, seeking help from a mental health professional (such as a therapist or counselor) can be very helpful. Therapies like Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) or EMDR Therapy can help a person process trauma and build healthier ways to manage emotions and relationships.

What makes people feel at home at the working place

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "What makes people feel at home at the working place", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone can detect what makes them comfortable at the working place, The feeling of "betah" (comfort and contentment) in the workplace is known in psychology by the term Employee Retention, which is closely linked to Employee Engagement.

 

Psychologically, a high salary often only prevents someone from "leaving" but is not enough to make them feel "betah" (comfortable and enthusiastic). The feeling of betah arises when humans' basic psychological needs are met.

 

Here is a psychological breakdown of what truly makes someone "betah or comfort" at work:

 

1. Self-Determination Theory

This is the "cornerstone" of modern work psychology. According to this theory, a person will naturally feel betah if their three innate needs are fulfilled:

- Autonomy: A sense of having control. Employees feel trusted to arrange their own work methods, rather than being dictated every step of the way (micromanagement).

- Competence: A feeling of "I'm good at this". Employees feel their work is challenging but still manageable, and that their skills are growing, not stagnant.

- Relatedness: A sense of belonging. This is often translated as a "family-like" culture in Indonesia. Employees feel cared for as people, not just as company assets.

2. Psychological Safety

Popularized by Harvard's Amy Edmondson, this concept is a key factor in mental comfort:

- Definition: Employees feel safe to express opinions, ask questions, or even make mistakes without fear of being embarrassed, punished, or seen as stupid by superiors and colleagues.

- Impact: If someone has to constantly "wear a mask" or fear speaking up every day, their mental energy will be exhausted (burnout) and they will not feel betah.

3. Job Embeddedness

Psychology also views betah as how strong the "spider's web" is that ties someone to their position. There are three elements:

- Fit: The employee's personal values align with the company culture. Example: A laid-back person will not feel betah in a very rigid/bureaucratic company.

- Links: Having a "Work Bestie" or close friend at the office. Research shows that having one close friend at work is one of the strongest predictors of someone staying long-term.

- Sacrifice: The perception that "if I move, I will lose many non-material things" (such as a fun team, an understanding boss, or flexible working hours).

4. Perceived Equity

Humans have a highly sensitive sense of fairness. The feeling of betah can disappear instantly if there is inequality:

- Distributive Justice: Is my salary/bonus fair compared to colleagues with the same workload?

- Procedural Justice: Are rules enforced evenly? Are promotions given transparently or based on favoritism?

5. Meaningfulness

Psychologist Victor Frankl emphasized that humans are driven by the search for meaning. A person will feel betah—even in a very heavy job—if they feel their work is important and makes an impact.

- Example: A customer service representative will feel more betah if they see their work as "helping people in need" rather than just "handling complaints".

 

Summary: The "comfortable" Triangle meaning 

Simply put, a person will feel comfortable if they can say:

 

- "I am safe here." (Psychological Safety)

- "I am valuable here." (Recognition & Meaning)

- "I have a future here." (Growth & Competence)

 

You deserve to be in environments that bring out the softness in you, not the survival in you

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "You deserve to be in environments that bring out the softness in you, not the survival in you", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people struggle to fight with the environment, instead of building self worth to bring softness in ourselves,  It should be noted that we live in this world to create characters that will be used by reality, if we are not able to create quality personality values, then reality will place us in an environment that weakens our personality, We need to remember that the quality of our personality determines whether reality will use us for something that is more expensive than our self-esteem or cheaper than our self-esteem.

  There are 5 things we need to pay attention to value about our qualifications 

  

1. Core Meaning 

This advice conveys that everyone deserves to be in an environment that makes them feel calm, gentle, and become the best version of themselves naturally, not an environment that constantly forces them into a state of survival, stress, or constant alertness.

  

2. Psychological Perspective 

The environment shapes behavior.

If someone lives in a place full of conflict, pressure, reproach, or threats, the brain will always be active in survival mode: anxious, defensive, easily angered, and finding it difficult to trust others.

 

The softness mode (rest/connection mode) is when someone feels safe, accepted, and valued.

This brings out the sides of:

 

- affection

- patience

- creativity

- empathy

- ability to connect with others

  

3. Implicit Message

 

Every reality invites you to: 

a. Evaluate your environment 

Does the place you are in right now: 

- often make you mentally exhausted?

- make you feel like you have to be constantly alert?

- make you feel marginalized or unappreciated?

 

b. Prioritize mental health 

You deserve to be in an environment that: 

- does not require you to be tough

- does not force you to endure fear or pressure

- provides space to grow peacefully

 

c. Recognize your limits

This also implies the importance of saying: 

"I need a healthy environment."

"I don't want to survive in a place that hurts me."

  

4. Life Wisdom

 

Often, people stay in bad environments because: 

- they are afraid of being abandoned

- they are afraid of looking weak

- they are used to the pain

- they feel they have no choice

 

Every reality reminds us:

 

✅Softness is not weakness — it's a sign that you feel safe and safety is a right of every human being.  

 

5. Practical Application

 

You can start by: 

- choosing friends who make you feel calm, not tense

- working in a place that values you, not exploits you

- living with people who understand you, not demand from you

- reducing interaction with toxic people

- creating a peaceful personal space

Giving too much free time to others can lower self-esteem.

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Giving too much free time to others can lower self-esteem", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone can handle their time, Besides that, many people are willing to lose their time for something that is not related to their career, when they get instant pleasure, they immediately give up a lot of free time for it, there is advice “too much availability kills your value.”, which means

being too readily available (always there at any time) actually damages your worth, Why does this happen? Because time has two functions: to provide opportunities or to create regret. If we don't choose wisely, we will become victims of our own feelings.

  

🧠 Here is the core Meaning

 

This advice talks about boundaries and self-worth.

When someone is too often available, never refuses, or is always ready whenever called, then:

 

- Their presence is considered ordinary

- Others stop valuing their effort and time

- Their self-value decreases because they are not seen as “precious” or “limited”

 

Simply put:

What is too easily obtained is often considered worthless.

  

🔍 Deeper Analysis

 

1. Social Interaction Psychology

 

Humans tend to value: 

- What is rare

- What requires effort

- What is not always available

 

If you are always there 24/7 for others, they may unconsciously:

 

- Consider you a backup option

- Ignore your boundaries

- Take you for granted as something “given”

  

2. Quality vs. Quantity

 

Often, being present as needed, but with good quality, is far more appreciated than constant presence without limits.

  

3. Risks of Being “Too Available”

 

- Not appreciated → your effort is seen as normal

- Exploited → people tend to ask for more because they know you won’t refuse

- Burnout → you get tired from giving too much

- Loss of identity → you live according to others’ needs, not your own

 

⚖️ Balanced Meaning

 

This advice does not mean you should become cold or stingy with your time.

The key points:

👉 Value yourself by setting boundaries.

👉 Don’t always say “yes.”

👉 Let your availability have quality and meaning.

 

In this way, others will appreciate your time and yourself more.

  

📌 In relation to the workplace

 

Someone who: 

- Always accepts all tasks

- Is always ready at any time

- Never refuses

 

Will often: 

- Be overloaded

- Be considered a “jack of all trades,” not a professional

- Not get promoted or raise because they are seen as “permanent support”

Hopefully this article can give you an insight how to empower your career, good luck.

How to deflect a sense of doubt when it attacks human's soul

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to deflect a sense of doubt when it attacks human's soul", the main reason why I choose that topic because self doubt always monitor what human do in daily activity, Doubt is a heavy burden for the soul. It is often not a sign of ignorance, but a sign of fear—fear of making mistakes, fear of regret, or fear of others' judgments. When left unchecked, doubt creates "analysis paralysis" that keeps us stuck in place.

To free ourselves from this bondage, we need an approach that touches both mindset and practical action. Here is a step-by-step guide to overcoming it:

 

1. Make Peace with Imperfection

The root of doubt is perfectionism. We hesitate to take action because we wait for the "perfect" moment or a decision that guarantees 100% success.

 

- Understand Reality: There is no perfect decision. Every choice carries its own risk.

- Shift Focus: Change your mindset from "I must make the right decision" to "I will make a decision, then improve it through my efforts."

- Mantra: "Done is better than perfect."

 

2. The "Worst-Case Scenario" Technique (Fear Setting)

Often, our fear of failure is much greater in our minds than in reality. Use this Stoic technique to neutralize fear:

 

- Write Down Your Doubts: What exactly are you afraid of if you take step X?

- Imagine the Worst-Case: If you fail completely, what is the worst thing that could happen?

- Find Solutions: If the worst happens, what can you do to fix it?

- Evaluate: You will often realize that the worst-case scenario is not fatal and can be remedied.

 

Remember: The pain of future regret (for not trying) is usually far more tormenting than the pain of temporary failure.

 

3. Limit Information and Time (The Paradox of Choice)

In the digital age, we often hesitate because of too many options and too much information.

 

- Limit Options: If there are 10 choices, immediately narrow down to the top 3 options. Choose one from those.

- Set Strict Deadlines: Parkinson's Law applies: "Work (or decisions) will expand to fill the time available."

- For small decisions (lunch, clothes): Give yourself 30 seconds.

- For medium decisions (buying gadgets, holiday routes): Give 2 hours.

- For big decisions (career, moving house): Allocate 3 days for research, then decide.

 

4. Train Your "Decision Muscle" with Small Things

Decision-making ability is like a muscle. If you hesitate on big matters, start training decisiveness with small ones.

 

- At a restaurant, choose your menu in less than 1 minute and stick with it.

- Pick a different route home without overthinking.

- These exercises will habituate your brain to trust intuition and reduce post-decision anxiety.

 

5. Use the 5-Second Rule

Mel Robbins, a renowned author, introduced The 5 Second Rule to break the chain of doubt in the brain.

When you have an impulse to do something productive or make a decision, but doubt begins to surface:

 

- Count down: 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1.

- Move immediately or decide when the countdown reaches 1.

- This countdown shuts down the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that overthinks or seeks reasons) and activates the action-oriented part of the brain.

 

6. Surrender (Tawakal)

After using reason (research and logical considerations), the rest lies in areas beyond our control.

Acknowledging our limited humanity and entrusting the final outcome to God (the Universe) is the most powerful calming remedy for the soul. The belief that "What passes me was never meant for me, and what is destined for me will never pass me" will drastically reduce the burden of doubt.

Summary of Action Steps

| Problem | Quick Solution |

| Fear of making wrong choices | Remember that mistakes can be corrected (Reversibility). 

| Too much information | Limit research time, stop seeking new opinions. 

| Overthinking | Use the 5-Second Rule and take physical action. 

| Fear of regret | Compare the risk of failure vs. the risk of lifelong regret. 

Several intellectual training methods that simultaneously cultivate emotional sensitivity

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Several intellectual training methods that simultaneously cultivate emotional sensitivity", the main reason why I choose that topic because many schools try to provide a good program for the students, "There are several intellectual training methods that simultaneously cultivate emotional sensitivity. These approaches typically combine cognition (thinking) and affect (feelings and empathy). Here are common methods used in educational psychology, organizations, and therapy:

 

⭐ 1. Reflective Thinking

 This method involves exercises to: 

✅evaluate past experiences, 

✅recognize patterns of emotional reactions, 

✅connect thoughts–feelings–actions.

 

Example exercises: 

✅Reflective journaling 

✅“Pause and name the emotion” 

Writing daily experiences with an analysis of what I felt and why I felt it.

  

⭐ 2. Cognitive Behavioral Training (CBT-Based Awareness) 

Training the relationship between: 

👉 Thoughts → Feelings → Behaviors

 

The goal is for someone to be able to: 

✅recognize automatic thoughts, 

✅evaluate irrational thoughts, 

✅choose healthy emotional responses.

 

This improves self-awareness and emotional control.

  

⭐ 3. Mindfulness-Based Emotional Training 

Training the ability to be fully present with what is felt without judgment.

 

Techniques used: 

✅Mindful breathing 

✅Body scan 

✅RASA method (Receive, Acknowledge, Summarize, Ask)

 

This method improves:

✅empathy, 

✅sensitivity to one's own feelings,

✅ability to capture emotional signals from others.

 

⭐ 4. Role-Playing and Social Simulation

Used in professional communication training, counseling, education, and the military.

 

Its function: 

✅understand other people's perspectives, 

✅learn appropriate social responses, 

✅practice situational empathy.

 

Examples: work conflict simulations, practicing speaking with an empathetic tone, negotiation games.

 

 

 

⭐ 5. Active Listening Training

Focus on: 

✅listening before responding, 

✅capturing the emotion behind the words, 

✅validating other people's feelings.

 

Techniques: 

✅paraphrasing, 

✅reflective listening,

 ✅emotional labeling.

 

This trains emotional intelligence and interpersonal relationship skills.

 

⭐ 6. Emotional Literacy Education

 Training that helps participants: 

✅know the vocabulary of emotions (more detailed than just "angry, sad, happy") 

✅understand the intensity of emotions (e.g., annoyed → angry → furious) 

✅identify sources of emotional triggers

 

This method is used in trauma therapy, parenting, and leadership training.

 

⭐ 7. Narrative Therapy & Storytelling Practice

 Participants are asked to: 

✅tell emotional experiences, 

✅give meaning to that experience, 

✅find a healthier narrative.

 

This integrates intellectual abilities (language, logic, reflection) with deep emotional processing.

 

⭐ 8. Group Discussion & Empathy Circle

 This method involves: 

✅open dialogue, 

✅listening to other people's experiences without judging, 

✅sharing perspectives. 

The results: 

✅increased emotional attunement, 

✅increased empathy and ability to read social emotional situations.

 

🔍 Conclusion 

Intellectual training that develops emotional sensitivity not only focuses on thinking skills, but also self-awareness, empathy, emotion regulation, and meaning-making of experiences."

What makes person feels mentally and emotionally drained

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "What makes person feels mentally and emotionally drained", the main reason why I choose that topic because most people get emotional drained in the computerized industry area, let's try to pay attention from the research, Emotional exhaustion (often associated with emotional burnout) is a condition in which a person feels mentally and emotionally drained as a result of prolonged, poorly managed stress, to overcome weakened emotional levels, we need a gap between the rest phase and the stress phase to balance the stress level.

Here are the main categories and specific causes of someone experiencing emotional exhaustion:

Causes of Emotional Exhaustion

The main cause of emotional exhaustion is chronic or prolonged stress that drains a person's energy and psychological resources.

 

1. Work-Related Factors

Emotional exhaustion often stems from the professional environment:

 

- Excessive Workload: Too many tasks (overload), long working hours/overtime, or working without adequate breaks.

- High-Stress Jobs: Working in fields that require intensive emotional attention (e.g., teachers, nurses/medical staff, social workers, customer service).

- Lack of Recognition/Appreciation: Feeling that hard work is not valued or recognized.

- Toxic Work Environment: Presence of conflict, lack of support from superiors or colleagues, or a work culture that demands excessive perfection.

- Role Ambiguity: Lack of a clear job description, leading to confusion and frustration.

 

2. Factors Related to Personal Life & Relationships

Problems in daily life can be a major source of emotional exhaustion:

 

- Significant Life Changes: Experiencing major events such as divorce, death of a loved one, moving house, or job loss.

- Financial Problems: Prolonged economic hardship or mounting debt.

- Heavy Caregiving Responsibilities: Caring for family members with chronic illnesses, or raising young children (especially without adequate support).

- Lack of Support System: Feeling alone, lonely, or not having someone trusted to share problems with.

- Difficult Relationships: Being trapped in unhealthy, conflict-ridden, or emotionally demanding relationships (e.g., being a people pleaser).

 

3. Lifestyle & Personal Factors

How individuals manage themselves also contributes to emotional exhaustion:

 

- Inability to Manage Emotions: Often suppressing emotions (holding back feelings of sadness, anger, or disappointment) instead of expressing them in a healthy way.

- People Pleaser Tendencies: Always trying to please others, having difficulty saying "no," and often sacrificing one's own needs.

- Unhealthy Lifestyle: Chronic lack of sleep, poor diet, or lack of time for exercise and self-care.

- Monotony and Boredom: Being stuck in a boring routine without challenges or enjoyable things that can provide motivation.

- Mental Health Issues: Other conditions such as depression, anxiety, or chronic illness can also trigger or worsen emotional exhaustion.

In short, emotional exhaustion occurs when the emotional demands coming from the environment (work, relationships, crises) exceed a person's capacity to cope and recover.

Why are established habits difficult to break

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Why are established habits difficult to break", the main reason why I choose that topic because the question that I mentioned in the topic touches on the core of the psychology and neuroscience of habits. Habits that have been performed frequently become very difficult to eliminate because they are deeply rooted in three levels: the Brain (Biological), Behavioral Patterns (Psychological), and the Environment.

 

Here are the main reasons why habits are difficult to break:

 

🧠 1. Brain Mechanism (Strong Neural Pathways)

Habits are the brain's way of conserving energy. When an action is repeated many times, the brain transforms it from a conscious decision-making process into an automatic response, which involves the following mechanisms:

 

- Reinforced Neural Pathways (Neuroplasticity): Every time you repeat a habit (e.g., smoking when stressed), the neurons in the brain associated with that action connect more strongly. Imagine it like creating a path in a meadow; the more often it is traversed, the clearer and easier the path becomes.

- Result: The action becomes a default response that is performed without needing to think hard.

- Role of Basal Ganglia: This part of the brain stores habits. When a habit is stored here, the part of the brain responsible for logic and conscious thought (Prefrontal Cortex) no longer needs to work.

- Result: Habits operate subconsciously, making them difficult to "access" and change by sheer willpower.

- Dopamine Effect: Habits that provide quick rewards—such as the feeling of comfort after eating something sweet or relief after procrastinating—release the neurotransmitter dopamine.

- Result: Dopamine creates a strong urge (craving) to repeat the action when a trigger (cue) appears, even if you know the habit is bad.

 

🔁 2. The Habit Loop

Every habit operates within a three-step cycle that locks in your behavior:

 

- Cue: The trigger is a signal that tells the brain to enter automatic mode (e.g., seeing a cellphone, 7 PM, feeling bored, or a specific location).

- Routine: The action you take in response to the trigger (e.g., grabbing a snack, opening social media).

- Reward: The benefit or satisfaction you get (e.g., sweetness, feeling entertained, temporary relief).

Difficult to Break Because: This cycle creates an expectation. Once the Cue appears, your brain automatically expects the Reward. If you try to break the Routine, your brain will send strong "need" or "anxiety" signals (craving), demanding that you complete the cycle to get the predicted reward.

 

🛋️ 3. Psychological and Environmental Factors

 

- Comfort and Safe Zone: The brain tends to prefer predictability. Old habits feel safe and comfortable, even if they are bad. Change brings uncertainty, which the brain often interprets as danger or stress.

- Self-Identity: If you often repeat a habit, it can become part of who you are ("I am a person who likes to stay up late" or "I am not disciplined"). Changing habits means changing self-identity, which feels psychologically very heavy.

- Environmental Support: An environment that is not supportive or is full of triggers will greatly hinder change. If all your friends smoke, it is very difficult for you to quit because your environment constantly provides Cues and social Routines.

 

Conclusion:

Habits are difficult to break not because you are weak, but because habits are very efficient automatic pathways created by your brain to conserve energy. To change them, you cannot rely solely on willpower, but must identify and break/replace elements in the Habit Loop (Cue → Routine → Reward) so that the brain can build new neural pathways."

How to anticipate and manage deep trauma

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to anticipate and manage deep trauma", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people can't survive with a deep trauma in the past, as we know that anticipating and managing deep trauma is a process that requires patience, time, and self-compassion. Trauma is not just being "sad," but rather the nervous system's response to events that shake your sense of security.

 

Here are structured steps to help you manage the impact of trauma and prevent it from taking over your life:

 

1. Self-Stabilization (Emotional First Aid)

When memories or pain from trauma arise (flashbacks), your nervous system goes into fight, flight, or freeze mode. The first step is to bring yourself back to the "now" moment. 

- Grounding Techniques: Use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique to stop dissociation (feeling disconnected from reality).

- 5 things you can see.

- 4 things you can touch (texture of clothes, table).

- 3 sounds you can hear.

- 2 smells you can smell.

- 1 taste you can savor (or one good thing about yourself).

- Regulate Breathing: Deep breathing signals to the brain that you are safe. Try the 4-7-8 technique (Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale slowly for 8 seconds).

 

2. Validation and Acceptance

Often we try to "anticipate" trauma by rejecting it or pretending everything is fine. This actually makes things worse.

 

- Allow Yourself to Feel: It's okay to feel broken, angry, or scared. Those emotions are valid. Cry if necessary; tears contain stress hormones that the body needs to release.

- Avoid Toxic Positivity: Don't force yourself to immediately "take the lesson." Focus on healing the wound first before looking for meaning.

 

3. Rebuilding a Sense of Security

Trauma damages the sense of security. You need to rebuild structure in your life.

 

- Create Small Routines: Trauma creates chaos. Routines create predictability. Waking up, eating, and showering at the same time can be very helpful in stabilizing your mental state.

- Create a Safe Space: Designate one place (could be a bedroom or a specific corner) where you feel completely safe and have full control over the environment.

 

4. Processing Through Expression (Externalization)

Getting the trauma out of your head and into another medium helps reduce cognitive load.

 

- Journaling: Write down what you feel without editing it. The brain dump technique (dumping all the contents of your mind) is very effective in reducing noise in the head.

- Expressive Arts: Sometimes words are not enough. Drawing, painting, or listening to music can access the emotional parts of the brain that language cannot reach.

 

5. Professional Help (Highly Recommended)

Deep trauma often changes the structure of the brain and is difficult to heal alone. Professional therapy is the best form of anticipation to prevent trauma from becoming a long-term disorder (such as PTSD).

Consider the following therapies:

 

- CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): Helps change negative thought patterns.

- EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Very effective specifically for trauma, helping the brain reprocess painful memories.

- Somatic Therapy: Focuses on how trauma is stored in the body (such as chronic muscle tension).

 

6. Physical Body Care

Trauma is not just in the mind, but also in the body (The Body Keeps the Score).

 

- Physical Movement: Light exercise, yoga, or just walking helps burn adrenaline and cortisol that accumulate due to trauma stress.

- Adequate Sleep: While sleeping, the brain processes emotions. Sleep disturbances will make trauma recovery more difficult.

 

What to Avoid? 

- Self-Isolation: Being alone constantly gives room for negative thoughts to multiply. Stay connected with at least one person you trust.

- Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: Avoiding feelings with alcohol, illicit drugs, or impulsive behavior only delays the pain and adds new problems.

 

Brief Summary 

Phase Main Focus Action 

Present Moment Calm Deep breathing, 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding techniques 

 

Deep trauma is an "inner wound." Just like a broken bone that needs a cast and time to fuse back together, your inner self also needs time.

Why do we blame others for other people's Inability

 

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Why do we blame others for other people's Inability", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people like to blame others from inability, "From a psychological perspective, the answer is clear: Objectively, it's not feasible, yet subjectively, people often find themselves doing it. Psychology not only looks at the "facts" of inability but also examines why the human brain has a tendency (bias) to keep blaming—either blaming oneself (self-blame) or others—even when the inability is real.

 

Here's a breakdown from a psychological standpoint:

 

1. Why Do We Blame Others for Inability?

When we see others fail to do something (even if they are unable), our brains often experience a cognitive bias called the Fundamental Attribution Error.

 

- What is it? We tend to judge others' failures as a result of their internal character (lazy, stupid, careless), when in reality, it is due to external situations (illness, disaster, physical limitations).

- Example: Someone is late for a meeting because of a flat tire (situational/inability). Their boss might think, "They are a person who is undisciplined" (character), instead of "They are just having bad luck."

- Social Psychology: Humans do this to maintain a sense of safety. Acknowledging that "bad things can happen for no reason (external factors)" is scary. It's easier to blame the person.

 

2. Why Do We Blame Ourselves? (Illusion of Control)

This is the most painful phenomenon. Why does someone feel guilty for not being able to save a terminally ill parent or not being able to prevent an accident?

 

- Illusion of Control: Humans have a deep psychological need to feel in control. Acknowledging "I am powerless" is often more frightening than feeling guilty.

- Subconscious Logic: "If I feel guilty, it means I should have been able to do something." This provides a false sense of security that in the future, we can prevent bad things from happening again.

- Hindsight Bias: The tendency to see past events as something that "should have been predictable."

Example: "I should have known it would rain that day, so I wouldn't have taken them out." In fact, when the decision was made, that data did not exist or the ability to predict it was impossible.

 

3. The Concept of "Psychological Inability"

Psychology also introduces the nuance that "inability" is not just physical. There are conditions where the brain refuses to cooperate, which are often misinterpreted as "lazy" or "unwilling."

 

- Executive Dysfunction: Often occurs in ADHD, depression, or severe anxiety. Someone wants to do something, but the neural pathways in their brain are jammed. They are literally "unable" to start the task.

- Blaming people in this condition can worsen their mental state without improving performance.

- Learned Helplessness: If someone constantly fails or is suppressed, they may feel "unable" when they are actually capable. In this case, blaming them is also ineffective; they need confidence rehabilitation, not punishment.

 

4. The Impact of Blaming Inability

Blaming someone (or yourself) for something beyond their capacity is toxic to mental health (Toxic Guilt/Shame).

 

Aspect Healthy Guilt Toxic Guilt/Shame 

Trigger Making a mistake that is within our control. Feeling responsible for something beyond our control. 

Self-Message "I made a mistake." "I am a mistake/failure." 

Result Self-improvement & responsibility. Depression, anxiety, & mental paralysis. 

 

Psychological Conclusion

Psychology teaches the concept of Radical Acceptance:

 

- Acknowledging limitations is a sign of mental health, not weakness.

- Humans have cognitive, emotional, and physical limits.

- Blaming people (or yourself) for absolute inability is a form of cognitive distortion (irrational thinking).

 

Humans deserve to be forgiven for their limitations. Perfection is not a requirement for being a valuable human being."