Why Do We Often Procrastinate Even Though We Know the Deadline Is Near?

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Why Do We Often Procrastinate Even Though We Know the Deadline Is Near?", The main reason why I chose this topic is because many workers have the habit of procrastinating, as we know that Procrastination is a universal phenomenon that affects almost everyone at some point in their lives. Even though we know that the deadline is approaching and completing the task will be beneficial, we often engage in other activities that are less important or not important at all. Why does this happen? The answer is complex and involves various psychological, emotional, and even neurological factors.

 

1. Psychological Aspects of Procrastination

 

- Avoidance of Negative Emotions:

- At the core of procrastination is often an attempt to avoid negative emotions. Certain tasks may trigger uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety, boredom, frustration, self-doubt, or fear of failure. Instead of facing these emotions directly, we procrastinate as a temporary coping mechanism.

- For example, someone who is afraid of failing an exam might delay studying because studying reminds them of the potential for failure. By procrastinating, they temporarily avoid feelings of anxiety and incompetence.

Perfectionism and Unrealistic Standards:

- Perfectionists often fall victim to procrastination because they have very high standards for themselves. They fear not being able to meet those standards, so they procrastinate in the hope that they will have more time, energy, or inspiration later.

- Perfectionism can also lead to analysis paralysis, where someone overthinks and plans so much that they never actually start the task.

- Lack of Intrinsic Motivation:

- Intrinsic motivation is the internal drive to do something for personal pleasure or satisfaction. When we are not intrinsically motivated to do a task, we tend to procrastinate. Tasks that are boring, repetitive, or irrelevant to our interests and values often fall victim to procrastination.

- In this case, procrastination can be a form of passive rebellion against tasks we dislike.

Present Bias:

- Present bias is the tendency to prioritize short-term rewards and gratification over long-term consequences. We value the immediate pleasure we get from procrastinating (e.g., watching TV, playing games) more than the long-term benefits of completing the task (e.g., good grades, promotion).

- This bias is reinforced by the dopamine system in our brains, which gives us a rush of pleasure every time we do something enjoyable, even if it harms us in the long run.

 

2. Emotional Aspects of Procrastination

 

- Poor Emotional Regulation:

- Procrastination is often an emotional regulation problem. People who procrastinate may have difficulty managing the negative emotions associated with certain tasks. They may lack effective skills or strategies for coping with anxiety, frustration, or boredom.

- Instead of facing these emotions directly, they avoid them by procrastinating. Procrastination provides temporary relief, but in the long run, it only makes the problem worse.

- Lack of Emotional Awareness:

- Emotional awareness is the ability to recognize and understand our own emotions. People who lack emotional awareness may not realize that they are procrastinating because they are trying to avoid negative emotions.

- They may just feel "unmotivated" or "unwilling" to do the task, without realizing the emotional root of those feelings.

 

3. Neurological Aspects of Procrastination

 

- The Role of the Prefrontal Cortex:

- The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain responsible for executive functions, such as planning, decision-making, and impulse control. Research shows that people who frequently procrastinate may have lower activity in the prefrontal cortex.

- This means that they may have difficulty prioritizing tasks, managing time, and resisting distractions.

- Dopamine System and Reward:

- As mentioned earlier, the dopamine system plays an important role in procrastination. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. When we do something enjoyable, our brain releases dopamine, which makes us feel good and encourages us to repeat the behavior.

- In the case of procrastination, enjoyable activities (e.g., social media) provide a quick dopamine rush, while difficult and unpleasant tasks do not. This makes us more likely to procrastinate and seek immediate gratification.

 

4. External Factors Influencing Procrastination

 

- Distracting Environment:

- A noisy, crowded, or distracting work or study environment can make it difficult for us to focus and complete tasks. Distractions from social media, email, and other notifications can disrupt our workflow and make us more likely to procrastinate.

- Lack of Structure and Schedule:

- When we lack a clear structure or schedule, we may feel overwhelmed and not know where to start. This can lead to procrastination because we don't have a clear plan for completing the task.

- Social Pressure:

- In some cases, social pressure can contribute to procrastination. For example, someone may procrastinate because they fear the judgment of others or because they feel unable to meet the expectations of others.

 

Overcoming Procrastination: Practical Strategies

 

Understanding the root causes of procrastination is the first step to overcoming it. Here are some practical strategies that can help you overcome procrastination: 

- Self-Awareness:

- Pay attention to when and why you procrastinate. Identify the emotions, thoughts, and situations that trigger your procrastination.

- Emotional Regulation:

- Develop emotional regulation skills. Learn to manage negative emotions such as anxiety, frustration, and boredom. Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, and muscle relaxation can help.

- Set Realistic Goals:

- Break large tasks into smaller, more manageable tasks. This makes the task feel less daunting and easier to start.

- Create a Schedule and Prioritize:

- Plan when and where you will work on each task. Use the Eisenhower Matrix (urgent/important) to prioritize your tasks.

- Eliminate Distractions:

- Turn off notifications and find a quiet place to work. Use apps or software to block distracting websites and apps.

- Use the Pomodoro Technique:

- Work in short, focused intervals (e.g., 25 minutes) followed by a short break (e.g., 5 minutes). This helps you stay focused and prevent burnout.

- Reward Yourself:

- Give yourself a small reward after completing each task. This helps reinforce positive behavior and makes the task feel more enjoyable.

- Forgive Yourself:

- Don't be too hard on yourself if you procrastinate. Learn from your mistakes and keep trying.

- Seek Professional Help:

- If you have difficulty overcoming procrastination on your own, don't hesitate to seek help from a therapist or coach. They can help you identify the root causes of your procrastination and develop effective strategies for overcoming it.

 

In Indonesia, as in many other cultures, cultural and social factors can also influence procrastination. Some factors that may be relevant are:

- Collectivist Culture:

- In collectivist cultures like Indonesia, social relationships and harmony are often prioritized over individual achievement. This can lead someone to procrastinate on tasks that are considered selfish or that may disrupt social relationships.

- The Concept of "Jam Karet":

- The concept of "jam karet" (flexible time) can influence people's perception of deadlines and urgency. This can lead someone to underestimate the time it takes to complete a task and procrastinate.

- Hierarchy and Authority:

- In cultures that respect hierarchy and authority, someone may procrastinate on tasks given by superiors for fear of making mistakes or not meeting their expectations.

 

Conclusion

Procrastination is a complex problem influenced by various psychological, emotional, neurological, and cultural factors. By understanding the root causes of procrastination and implementing effective strategies, we can overcome this habit and achieve our goals. I hope this more in-depth explanation is helpful to you!

Signs of Job Burnout That Fresh Graduates Often Ignore

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Signs of Job Burnout That Fresh Graduates Often Ignore", The main reason why I chose this topic is because many new graduates feel exhausted when they first start working, many of them develop harmful habits when they are unable to maintain a balanced life, It should be noted that the effects of work fatigue / burnout are not new, but rather an old problem that is rarely discussed in detail. Job burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged or excessive stress. Fresh graduates are particularly vulnerable to this condition as they adjust to the challenges of a new workplace. Recognizing the signs early can help prevent more serious consequences.

 

Here are some signs of job burnout that fresh graduates often ignore:

 

1. Physical and Emotional Exhaustion: Feeling drained, depleted of energy, and constantly tired are key indicators. This exhaustion can manifest as chronic fatigue, insomnia, and physical symptoms such as chest pain or stomachaches.

2. Increased Negativity and Cynicism: Losing motivation, obsessing over having a "better" job, and feeling dislike towards coworkers or the company are common. Feeling that your work is meaningless or that you've lost yourself can also occur.

3. Decline in Work Performance: Burnout can lead to consistent lateness, missed deadlines, difficulty concentrating, and substandard work. Making repeated mistakes, even when aware of them, is another sign.

4. Isolation and Withdrawal: Pulling away from coworkers, avoiding social activities, and a general feeling of disconnection from others are significant warning signs.

5. Lack of Motivation and Decreased Satisfaction: Experiencing a loss of enjoyment in things previously found pleasurable and a lack of motivation in your job are emotional signs of burnout. This can extend to all areas of life, affecting personal and professional well-being.

6. Overreaction and Irritability: Even minor annoyances can trigger extreme responses. Increased irritability and taking out anger on friends and family are also common.

7. Neglecting Self-Care: Ignoring hobbies, relationships, or personal care due to a lack of energy is an important sign. Prioritizing sleep and scheduling enjoyable activities after work can help mitigate this.

8. Health Problems: Prolonged burnout can compromise physical and mental health, leading to long-term health issues. A compromised immune system can result in increased illnesses, colds, and flu.

 

It's important for fresh graduates to recognize these signs and take proactive steps to address the underlying stress. Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can also be beneficial in managing burnout symptoms.

Here are the signs of job burnout that fresh graduates most often ignore or misinterpret as normal job stress.

1. Physical Symptoms Masked as "Tiredness"

Fresh graduates often push through physical discomfort, dismissing it as the result of a "busy week."

✅Chronic Fatigue That Doesn't Go Away: This is the #1 sign. You feel drained even after sleeping for eight hours or taking a weekend off. It’s not just normal sleepiness; it’s a deep, persistent exhaustion that makes starting work feel like climbing a mountain.

✅Frequent Illness: Your immune system weakens under constant stress. If you're catching every cold, dealing with persistent headaches, or experiencing frequent stomach issues (like IBS flare-ups or nausea) without a clear medical cause, your body is sounding the alarm.

✅Sleep Disturbances (Insomnia or Hypersomnia): You either can’t fall asleep because your mind is racing with work worries (insomnia), or you sleep excessively but wake up feeling completely unrested (hypersomnia).

2. Emotional and Mental Detachment (Cynicism)

This is the psychological core of burnout, where the enthusiasm you started with is replaced by negativity and detachment.

✅Cynicism and Negativity Toward the Job: You stop believing in the work or the company mission. Tasks that once felt exciting now feel meaningless. You may start making cynical jokes or feel resentment toward colleagues who still seem motivated.

✅Loss of Interest and Satisfaction: You lose the sense of accomplishment you used to get from a completed task. You feel unfulfilled or like a fraud (Imposter Syndrome), despite putting in long hours.

✅Increased Irritability and Impatience: Small mistakes by colleagues or minor workplace frustrations trigger an exaggerated, angry response. This spill over into your personal relationships, making you short-tempered with friends or family.

3. Behavioral Changes Mistaken for "Adaptation"

These are changes in how you approach your tasks and social life, which you might rationalize as simply adapting to the "real world."

✅Procrastination and Difficulty Concentrating: You suddenly find it hard to focus, and you start putting off important tasks until the last minute. The quality of your work declines because you can’t maintain concentration.

✅Isolation and Withdrawal: You start declining social invitations or skipping lunch with colleagues because you lack the energy or desire to interact. You feel detached from your support network, believing your problems are unique or too burdensome for others.

✅Perfectionism and Overworking (The Early Stage): In the beginning, new graduates often develop perfectionism as a coping mechanism, fearing failure. This leads to working harder and longer hours than necessary to "prove yourself." This hyper-vigilance is an early, high-stress stage that burns you out quickly.

 

I hope this article is helpful for you! Remember, mental health is important. If you feel you need help, don't hesitate to seek professional support.

How to free yourself from the trap of desires that do not come from the mission of the soul

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "How to free yourself from the trap of desires that do not come from the mission of the soul", The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people don't know how to free themselves from the clutches of their wild desires, It should be remembered that desire and awareness are different, we will not be able to achieve awareness without being free from desires that destroy the soul, Releasing oneself from the grip of desires that are not part of one's soul mission (often referred to as ego desires or false desires) is a profound process of spiritual and self-development. It is a process of recognizing what truly is your deepest heart's calling and what is merely an artificial desire triggered by society, insecurity, or external pressures.

 

Here are practical and spiritual steps to help you break free from these false desires:

 

1. Identify and Define Your Soul Mission (True North)

The first step is to clarify what your soul mission truly is.

 

- Deep Reflection: Ask yourself questions like:

- What do I do without feeling time pass?

- What problems in this world do I care deeply about?

- If money and other people's opinions were not an issue, what would I do?

- When do I feel most authentic and alive?

- Identify Core Values: Determine the 3-5 values that are most important to you (e.g., honesty, service, creativity, freedom). Desires that do not align with these values are most likely false desires.

 

2. Identify the Source of False Desires

Whenever a strong desire arises (e.g., buying an expensive item, achieving a certain position), conduct a "source check":

 

- External Triggers: Did this desire arise after seeing an advertisement, social media, or hearing comments from others?

- Emotional Triggers: Are you trying to fill a void, hide a fear, or seek validation (recognition) from others through this desire? Desires that stem from emotional insecurity are "snares" that must be released.

- Write Down Consequences: Write down what will happen if you pursue this desire. Does it bring true happiness or just momentary satisfaction followed by regret?

 

3. Practice Mindfulness and Non-Judgmental Observation

Mindfulness is the most effective tool for releasing snares.

 

- Observe Emotions: When the desire arises, don't act immediately. Sit for a moment and observe the desire as an observer.

- Create Space: Acknowledge the desire and say to yourself, "I see the desire for [name the desire], and I choose to observe it, not follow it."

- Take a Breath: By taking a deep breath, you create distance between you (consciousness) and the desire (thought/ego).

 

4. Perform Energetic Release and Surrender

Release requires a willingness to let go of control.

 

- Release Affirmations: Say affirmations (either silently or verbally) to reinforce your intention, such as:

- "I release everything that is not part of my soul's path."

- "I surrender this desire to higher wisdom."

- "I choose peace over momentary ego gratification."

- Focus on Being rather than Having: Shift the focus from "What must I have to be happy?" to "How do I want to feel and be today?" The soul mission focuses on feelings and contributions, not on possessions.

 

5. Build a Life that Aligns

Gradually fill your life with actions that truly align with your soul mission.

 

- Simplify Life: Eliminate commitments, possessions, or relationships that drain energy and do not support your core mission. The simpler your life, the less room there is for false desires.

- Prioritize Flow: Do more activities that put you into a state of effortless flow, as this is a sign that you are aligned with your true self.

- Surround Yourself with Inspiration: Interact with people who also live in alignment with their purpose. Their energy will support your release from irrelevant things.

 

Releasing these snares is not a one-time action, but rather an ongoing practice to continuously return to clarity and inner alignment.

What is the source of a person's confidence in his abilities?

 Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "What is the source of a person's confidence in his abilities?", The reason I chose this topic is because not everyone can recognize the source of their self-confidence, some of them try to do something tiring in order to gain self-confidence, In fact, self-confidence is not that simple, self-confidence arises when you are willing to serve yourself as best as possible as if you were serving other people. Confidence in one's abilities is a crucial foundation for achieving success and happiness in various aspects of life. Self-confidence is not something static or innate from birth, but rather something that develops over time through various experiences and interactions with the environment. The following is an in-depth explanation of the various sources that shape a person's confidence in their abilities:

 

1. Mastery Experiences:

- Definition: Mastery experiences are the most powerful and influential source of self-confidence. Every time a person successfully completes a task, overcomes a challenge, or achieves a goal, it provides concrete evidence that they have the ability to succeed in the future. These experiences build a deep sense of competence and self-belief.

- How it Works: When a person faces a difficult task and successfully overcomes it, their brain releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with feelings of pleasure and motivation. This dopamine strengthens the neural connections associated with the task, making them more likely to succeed in the future. In addition, mastery experiences also help a person develop the skills and knowledge necessary to succeed in similar tasks in the future.

- Examples:

- A student who successfully completes a complex science project may feel more confident in their ability to take advanced science courses.

- An employee who successfully leads a team to achieve sales targets may feel more confident in their ability to take on larger leadership roles.

- An athlete who successfully wins a race may feel more confident in their ability to compete at a higher level.

- Tips for Building Mastery Experiences:

- Set realistic goals: Start with small, achievable goals, then gradually increase the difficulty as your confidence grows.

- Focus on progress, not perfection: Don't be too hard on yourself if you make mistakes. Learn from your mistakes and keep striving to improve.

- Celebrate your successes: Take the time to celebrate every success you achieve, no matter how small. This will help you strengthen your belief in your abilities.

2. Vicarious Experiences/Modeling:

- Definition: Vicarious experiences, or learning through observation, are an important source of self-confidence, especially when a person does not have much direct experience in a particular field. Seeing others who are similar to ourselves successfully overcome challenges and achieve goals can increase our belief that we can do it too. This process is known as modeling or social learning.

- How it Works: When we see others succeed, we subconsciously compare ourselves to them. If we see that they have skills, abilities, and characteristics similar to our own, we tend to believe that we also have the potential to succeed. In addition, observation can also provide us with information about effective strategies and techniques for achieving specific goals.

- Examples:

- A student who sees a classmate who struggles with math eventually understand difficult concepts may feel more confident in their ability to learn math.

- A new employee who sees a successful colleague give an engaging presentation may feel more confident in their ability to speak in public.

- An athlete who sees another athlete with a similar body and abilities win a gold medal may feel more confident in their ability to compete at the highest level.

- Tips for Utilizing Observation:

- Find inspiring role models: Identify people who have achieved what you want to achieve and learn from their experiences.

- Pay attention to the strategies and techniques they use: Don't just focus on the end result, but also pay attention to how they achieved success.

- Imagine yourself succeeding: Visualize yourself overcoming challenges and achieving your goals. This will help you build your self-belief.

3. Verbal Persuasion:

- Definition: Verbal persuasion involves the use of words and positive feedback from others to increase a person's self-confidence. Receiving encouragement, praise, and belief from people we respect and trust can help us see ourselves in a more positive light and increase our belief in our abilities.

- How it Works: When someone gives us positive feedback, our brain releases oxytocin, a hormone associated with feelings of trust and social bonding. This oxytocin strengthens our relationship with that person and makes us more likely to trust their words. In addition, verbal persuasion can also help us change negative beliefs about ourselves and replace them with more positive beliefs.

- Examples:

- A student who receives praise from their teacher for a well-written essay may feel more confident in their writing abilities.

- An employee who receives positive feedback from their manager on their performance may feel more confident in their ability to take on greater responsibilities.

- An athlete who receives encouragement from their coach before a game may feel more confident in their ability to win.

- Tips for Utilizing Verbal Persuasion:

- Seek out supportive and positive people: Surround yourself with people who believe in you and will give you honest and constructive feedback.

- Accept compliments gracefully: Don't dismiss the compliments you receive. Acknowledge your accomplishments and thank the person who gave you the compliment.

- Use positive affirmations: Repeat positive statements about yourself regularly. This will help you change negative beliefs about yourself and replace them with more positive beliefs.

4. Emotional and Physiological States:

- Definition: Our emotional and physiological states can have a significant impact on our self-confidence. Feeling relaxed, calm, and energized can increase self-confidence, while feeling anxious, stressed, or tired can decrease it. Our physical and emotional states influence how we view our abilities and how we approach challenges.

- How it Works: When we feel anxious or stressed, our body releases the hormone cortisol, which can interfere with cognitive function and make us feel less confident. On the other hand, when we feel relaxed and calm, our body releases endorphins, which can improve our mood and make us feel more confident. In addition, our physical state can also affect our self-confidence. For example, feeling tired or sick can make us feel less able to cope with challenges.

- Examples:

- A student who feels anxious before an exam may feel less confident in their ability to recall information and answer questions correctly.

- An employee who feels stressed due to tight deadlines may feel less confident in their ability to complete their tasks on time.

- An athlete who feels tired before a game may feel less confident in their ability to perform well.

- Tips for Managing Emotional and Physiological States:

- Practice relaxation techniques: Learn how to manage stress and anxiety through relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga.

- Get enough sleep: Make sure you get enough sleep every night. Lack of sleep can disrupt your mood and cognitive function.

- Eat a healthy diet: Eating a healthy and balanced diet can help you maintain your energy levels and improve your mood.

- Exercise regularly: Exercise can help you reduce stress, improve your mood, and increase your self-confidence.

5. Knowledge and Skills:

- Definition: Having the knowledge and skills relevant to a particular task or situation is an important source of self-confidence. The more competent we are in a field, the more likely we are to feel confident in our ability to succeed. Knowledge and skills provide a solid foundation for self-belief.

- How it Works: When we have the knowledge and skills necessary to complete a task, we feel more prepared and able to overcome any challenges that may arise. Knowledge and skills also allow us to make better decisions and solve problems more effectively.

- Examples:

- A student who has studied the subject matter carefully may feel more confident in their ability to answer questions in class or on an exam.

- An employee who has received extensive training may feel more confident in their ability to perform their job well.

- An athlete who has trained for years may feel more confident in their ability to compete at the highest level.

- Tips for Improving Knowledge and Skills:

- Keep learning: Never stop learning and developing new skills.

- Look for opportunities to practice: The more you practice, the better you will become.

- Ask for feedback: Ask for feedback from others about your performance. This will help you identify areas where you need to improve.

6. Preparation:

- Definition: Thorough preparation is key to increasing confidence in facing any task or situation. When we take the time to prepare ourselves well, we tend to feel more ready and able to face any challenges that may arise. Preparation includes planning, gathering information, practicing, and anticipating potential problems.

- How it Works: Preparation helps us reduce uncertainty and increase our sense of control. When we know what to expect and have prepared ourselves to face it, we feel more confident in our ability to succeed.

- Examples:

- A student who has prepared well for a presentation may feel more confident in their ability to speak in front of the class.

- An employee who has prepared well for a meeting may feel more confident in their ability to contribute to the discussion and make appropriate decisions.

- An athlete who has prepared well for a match may feel more confident in their ability to perform well.

- Tips for Effective Preparation:

- Make a plan: Make a clear plan of what you need to do to prepare yourself.

- Gather information: Gather all relevant information about the task or situation you will be facing.

- Practice: Practice as much as possible until you feel comfortable and confident.

- Anticipate problems: Identify potential problems that may arise and create a plan to address them.

7. Self-Efficacy:

- Definition: Self-efficacy is a person's belief about their ability to succeed in a specific situation or complete a specific task. It is a deep belief that we have control over our lives and that we are capable of achieving our goals. Self-efficacy influences how we think, feel, and act.

- How it Works: People with high self-efficacy tend to be more persistent, more motivated, and more able to overcome challenges. They see difficulties as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than as threats.

- Examples:

- A student with high self-efficacy may be more likely to take a difficult course or pursue ambitious academic goals.

- An employee with high self-efficacy may be more likely to take risks and seek out new opportunities.

- An athlete with high self-efficacy may be more likely to train hard and compete at the highest level.

Tips for Building Self-Efficacy:

- Set challenging but achievable goals: Set goals that will push you to grow and develop, but make sure those goals are realistic and achievable.

- Focus on your strengths: Identify your strengths and talents and focus on developing those strengths.

- Learn from failure: Don't let failure make you give up. Use failure as an opportunity to learn and grow.

- Celebrate your successes: Take the time to celebrate every success you achieve, no matter how small.

8. Self-Esteem:

- Definition: Self-esteem is a feeling of self-worth and self-acceptance. When we feel good about ourselves, we tend to be more confident in our abilities. Healthy self-esteem allows us to accept ourselves as we are, with all our strengths and weaknesses.

- How it Works: People with high self-esteem tend to be more optimistic, happier, and more able to cope with stress. They believe that they deserve happiness and success, and they are more likely to take risks and pursue their goals.

- Examples:

- A student with high self-esteem may be more likely to participate in class and ask questions.

- An employee with high self-esteem may be more likely to offer new ideas and take on greater responsibilities.

- An athlete with high self-esteem may be more likely to perform well under pressure.

- Tips for Building Self-Esteem:

- Accept yourself as you are: Don't try to be someone else. Accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses.

- Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when you make mistakes or face difficulties.

- Focus on the positive: Focus on the positive things about yourself and your life.

- Surround yourself with positive people: Surround yourself with people who support and value you.

 

Conclusion:

 

Confidence in one's abilities is the result of a complex interaction between various factors, including mastery experiences, vicarious experiences, verbal persuasion, emotional and physiological states, knowledge and skills, preparation, self-efficacy, and self-esteem. By understanding these sources of self-confidence and taking steps to strengthen them, we can increase our own self-confidence and help others to do the same.

How to reduce my obsession when it makes me stuck in illusion

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to reduce my obsession when it makes me stuck in illusion", the reason I choose that topic many people become the victim of their obsession, Being a calm person in the midst of chaos in social behavior is very difficult, only people who have a conscience and a clear mind are able to overcome the feeling of obsession.  That's a really courageous and important goal. Dealing with an obsession can be incredibly distressing, and the desire to feel relieved is completely understandable.

It sounds like you're looking for ways to reduce the power your obsession has over you. The process of "rejecting" an obsession isn't usually a quick, one-time mental decision; it's a gradual process of re-training your brain to respond differently to the intrusive thoughts.

Here is a structured approach based on principles from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and related methods like exposure and response prevention (ERP), which are highly effective for managing obsessive thoughts.

1. Identify and Name the Obsession

Before you can reject it, you have to clearly define what you are fighting.

 * Write it Down: Clearly state what the obsession is. For example: "I am obsessed with constantly checking that the stove is off," or "I am obsessed with the fear that I will lose my job."

 * Acknowledge It's a Thought, Not a Reality: When the thought arises, immediately label it. Say to yourself (mentally or out loud), "This is an intrusive thought," or "This is my obsession talking." This simple act of labeling creates a small but critical distance between you and the thought. You are the observer, not the belief.

2. Reduce Your Engagement (The Core of Rejection)

Obsessions thrive on the attention you give them. The biggest relief comes from starving them of that attention.

 * The 3-Minute Rule: When the obsessive thought pops up, allow yourself exactly three minutes to think about it. After three minutes, immediately switch your attention to something else. Over time, try to reduce this to two minutes, then one.

 * The "So What?" Technique: The obsession often comes with a catastrophic "what if." Instead of arguing with the thought, ask yourself, "So what?"

   * Obsession: "What if I forgot to send that email and get in trouble?"

   * Response: "So what? I'll check my sent box later and deal with the consequences if I made a mistake, but I'm not going to dwell on it right now." This response accepts the possibility of the fear but refuses to feed the panic.

 * Delay Your Compulsion (Response Prevention): Obsessions are often paired with compulsions (behaviors you do for temporary relief, like checking, asking for reassurance, or mental rumination). The key to relief is blocking the compulsion. If your obsession makes you check the lock five times, try to check it only four times today, then three times tomorrow. This is where the true rejection happens—you reject the behavior that your brain thinks will bring relief.

3. Practice Mindful Disengagement

Mindfulness is a powerful tool because it teaches you to observe your thoughts without judgment or needing to act on them.

 * Mindful Non-Attachment: Imagine your thoughts are clouds passing in the sky. You see them, you acknowledge their shape (the thought content), but you don't get on the cloud and fly away with it. Let the thought drift by without analysis, judgment, or active rejection.

 * Anchor Yourself to the Present: When the obsessive thought starts, immediately bring your focus to a physical sensation in the present moment:

   * Feel your feet on the floor.

   * Notice five things you can see, four things you can feel, and three things you can hear (a simple grounding exercise).

   * Focus entirely on a simple task you are doing, like washing dishes or listening to a song.

4. Seek Professional Support

If this obsession is significantly interfering with your daily life, relationships, or ability to function, it's highly recommended to seek professional help. You don't have to manage this alone.

 * Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) / Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): These are the gold-standard treatments. A therapist can guide you through the process of gradually facing your fears (exposure) while actively preventing the behaviors that give the obsession power (response prevention). This guided approach is often the fastest and most effective path to lasting relief.

 * Find a Therapist: Look for a therapist who specializes in anxiety, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (even if your obsession isn't formal OCD, the treatments often overlap), or intrusive thoughts.

Rejection, in this context, means choosing a different path—a path of acceptance that the thought is there, but a path of refusal to engage with it. It takes patience and consistent practice, but it absolutely leads to relief.

Overcoming the Fear of Failure (Atychiphobia) in the Process of Learning New Skills

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Overcoming the Fear of Failure (Atychiphobia) in the Process of Learning New Skills", The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people fail to understand the meaning of failure, Many people are hostile to failure, even though failure is what forms a new identity and opens up better opportunities than before, Many people want success in learning new knowledge in a short time, strangely they do not want to pay the price of their efforts with discomfort and failure, Atychiphobia, or the fear of failure, can significantly hinder the process of learning new skills. It is an irrational and recurring fear that can be associated with anxiety or depression. Overcoming this fear involves changing your mindset, understanding the origins of your fear, and adopting strategies to manage anxiety and build self-confidence.

Understanding the Roots of Fear

- Origins: Atychiphobia often stems from childhood experiences, such as critical parenting or a traumatic event where failure led to negative consequences. These experiences can create the belief that mistakes are too risky.

- Perfectionism: The need to be perfect can also contribute to a fear of failure. Setting unrealistic standards and fearing anything less than perfection can lead to anxiety and avoidance.

Strategies to Overcome Fear and Embrace Learning

- Adopt a Growth Mindset: Understand that failure is a natural part of learning. View challenges as opportunities to grow and expand your abilities.

 - Redefine Failure: Recognize that mistakes are learning experiences that help you adapt and improve. Success and failure aren't black and white, and partial success is still progress.

- Set Realistic Expectations: Set milestones that align with your values ​​and priorities. Break down challenging tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks to feel more in control.

- Challenge Negative Thoughts: Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Visualize success and focus on what you can control, like preparation and effort.

- Take Calculated Risks: Weigh your options, identify the pros and cons, commit to a strategy, and take action. Moving outside your comfort zone helps reduce anxiety and build confidence.

- Get Support: Surround yourself with people who support and encourage your goals. Talking with friends, family, or a therapist can provide valuable support and coping strategies.

 - Positive Imagery Practice: Visualize yourself succeeding. The more you practice, the more it can help change negative attitudes.

 

- Exposure Therapy: Gradually expose yourself to situations you fear in a safe, controlled environment. This can help you become more comfortable with the possibility of failure and reduce anxiety.

- Professional Help: Consider seeking help from a therapist or psychologist. Therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or hypnotherapy can help you identify and change negative thought patterns and address the underlying issues contributing to your fear.

By understanding the origins of your fear of failure and implementing these strategies, you can create a more positive and effective learning environment.

How to deal with excessive anxiety when your ex-partner doesn't reply to text messages

  Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "how to deal with excessive anxiety when your ex-partner doesn't reply to text messages", The reason I chose this topic is because many people are caught in a dilemma when their ex sends a message that they shouldn't have sent, when you send a message to your ex and don't get a reply, it's natural to feel anxious. This anxiety can stem from various sources: uncertainty, fear of loss, lingering hopes, or even just the habit of always being connected. However, allowing this anxiety to control you is unhealthy. Here's a complete guide to dealing with that anxiety:

 

1. Understanding the Root of the Problem: Why Do You Feel Anxious?

 

- Identify Emotional Triggers: The first step is to identify what's actually triggering your anxiety. Is it the fear of rejection? Do you miss the relationship? Or are you just uncomfortable with the uncertainty? Journaling about your feelings can help clarify these triggers.

- Analyze Thought Patterns: Pay attention to your thought patterns when you feel anxious. Do you tend to think negatively or assume the worst? For example, do you immediately think that your ex hates you or has forgotten you? These thought patterns are often irrational and can worsen anxiety.

- Self-Reflection: Ask yourself why a reply from your ex is so important to you. Are you seeking validation? Are you hoping to get back together? Understanding your motivations will help you manage your expectations and anxiety.

 

2. Managing Thoughts and Emotions: Effective Coping Techniques

 

- Challenge Negative Thoughts: Once you've identified negative thoughts, challenge their validity. Is there evidence to support these thoughts? Are there other possible interpretations? For example, if you think your ex isn't replying because they hate you, consider the possibility that they're busy, need space, or don't know how to respond.

- Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of focusing attention on the present moment without judgment. This can help you reduce anxiety by separating yourself from your thoughts and emotions. You can try mindfulness meditation, breathing exercises, or simply paying attention to your physical sensations in the present moment.

- Deep Breathing Exercise: Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. Inhale deeply through your nose, feeling your stomach expand, then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat several times, focusing on the sensation of the breath going in and out.

- Positive Visualization: Imagine yourself handling the situation calmly and confidently. Visualize your ex replying to your message in a positive way, or imagine yourself feeling happy and peaceful without a reply from them. Visualization can help change your thought patterns and reduce anxiety.

- Accept Uncertainty: One of the main sources of anxiety is uncertainty. Learning to accept that you cannot control other people's actions or thoughts is key to reducing anxiety. Remember that you can only control your own reactions.

 

3. Focus on Yourself: Investing in Personal Well-being

 

- Prioritize Self-Care: Make time for things you enjoy and that make you feel good. This could be taking a warm bath, reading a book, listening to music, or spending time in nature. Self-care is an important way to recharge your energy and reduce stress.

- Take Care of Physical Health: Physical and mental health are closely linked. Make sure you get enough sleep, eat nutritious foods, and exercise regularly. Exercise is a great way to release endorphins, which have mood-boosting effects.

- Develop Hobbies and Interests: Fill your free time with activities you enjoy and that challenge you. This can help you distract yourself from your anxiety and increase your self-confidence.

- Set Personal Goals: Focus on achieving your personal goals, whether in your career, education, or personal life. This will give you a sense of purpose and help you feel more empowered.

 

4. Communication Boundaries: Setting Healthy Limits

 

- Evaluate Communication Needs: Be honest with yourself about why you want to contact your ex. Is it because you genuinely need something from them, or is it because you feel lonely or anxious? If it's the latter, consider finding other ways to meet your emotional needs.

- Reduce Contact Frequency: If you feel the need to contact your ex, limit the frequency of your contact. Avoid sending repeated messages or checking your phone every minute to see if they've replied.

- Consider "No Contact": In many cases, a period of "no contact" (no communication at all) is the best way to heal and give space to both parties. This allows you to break emotional dependence and focus on personal recovery.

- Block or Mute: If you find it difficult not to contact your ex, consider blocking their number or turning off notifications from them. This may seem extreme, but it can help you create the distance you need to heal.

 

5. Seeking Support: Don't Hesitate to Ask for Help

 

- Talk to Friends or Family: Share your feelings with trusted loved ones. They can provide perspective and emotional support.

- Join a Support Group: There are many online or offline support groups for people experiencing breakups or relationship problems. Joining a support group can give you a sense of community and help you feel less alone.

- Professional Consultation: If your anxiety is significantly interfering with your daily life, consider talking to a therapist or counselor. They can help you develop healthier coping strategies and address underlying issues that may be contributing to your anxiety.

 

Conclusion 

Overcoming anxiety when an ex doesn't reply to text messages takes time and patience. Remember that you are not alone and there are many resources available to help you. By understanding the root of the problem, managing your thoughts and emotions, focusing on yourself, setting healthy communication boundaries, and seeking support when you need it, you can overcome your anxiety and move forward with confidence.

Why isn't everyone destined to be rich?

 

  Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Why isn't everyone destined to be rich?"  The reason I chose this topic is because many people don't realize that it's not humans who determine the results of their efforts, They assume that rich people have above average abilities while poor people do not have special abilities, such statements are not 100% true, The main reason is because every human's fortune has been measured by Allah through the limits given to humans, Even though rich people have a lot of money, they aren't definitely feel happy with that social status. Now let's discuss in more depth why not everyone is destined to be rich, using a more comprehensive approach:

 

Why Aren't All People "Destined" to Be Rich? An In-Depth Analysis

 

The concept of "destiny" in the context of wealth is complex. Wealth is not solely the result of luck or fate, but rather a complex interaction between opportunity, choice, and circumstance. Here is a more detailed elaboration on the factors that influence the distribution of wealth:

 

1. Structural and Systemic Inequality

- Limited Access to Resources:

- Education: The quality of education varies greatly. Schools in wealthy areas often have better facilities and teachers, giving students a significant advantage.

- Health: Access to quality healthcare affects productivity and the ability to work. High medical costs can deplete savings.

- Financial Capital: Starting a business or investing requires capital. Many people do not have access to loans or initial investments due to their economic background.

- Systemic Discrimination:

- Race and Ethnicity: Racial and ethnic discrimination can limit job and promotion opportunities. Negative stereotypes can hinder career advancement.

- Gender: Women often face wage gaps and a lack of opportunities for leadership positions. The burden of childcare can also limit their career advancement.

- Social Class: Social class background influences social networks and available opportunities. People from wealthy families have access to networks that can open doors.

2. Macroeconomic Factors

- Global Economic Conditions:

- Recessions and Financial Crises: Economic crises can destroy wealth and hinder economic growth. Layoffs and decreased investment can affect everyone.

- Inflation: High inflation can reduce purchasing power and make it difficult to save. People on fixed incomes are the hardest hit.

- Government Policies: Tax policies, regulations, and social welfare programs affect the distribution of wealth. Policies that favor the wealthy can exacerbate inequality.

- Technological Changes:

- Automation: Automation can replace manual and blue-collar jobs, leading to unemployment and lower wages for low-skilled workers.

- Gig Economy: Gig work often does not provide the same benefits and job security as traditional jobs. Gig workers may find it difficult to save and invest.

3. Individual Choices and Behavior

- Financial Literacy:

- Financial Planning: A lack of understanding of financial planning can lead to mistakes in money management. Excessive debt and a lack of investment can hinder wealth accumulation.

- Investment: Not everyone has the knowledge or courage to invest. Wise investments can increase wealth over time.

- Lifestyle and Consumption:

- Overspending: A luxurious lifestyle can deplete savings and prevent wealth accumulation. Uncontrolled consumption can lead to financial problems.

- Priorities: Some people prioritize experiences over wealth accumulation. These choices can affect their ability to become rich.

- Risk-Taking:

- Business: Starting a business requires courage and the ability to take risks. Not everyone is willing or able to take the necessary risks.

- Investment: Investing always involves risk. People who avoid risk may miss opportunities to increase their wealth.

4. Skills and Talents

- Skills in Demand:

- Technology: Technological skills are highly valued in today's job market. People who lack these skills may find it difficult to get well-paying jobs.

- Communication: Good communication skills are essential for success in any career. People who cannot communicate effectively may find it difficult to advance.

- Natural Talents:

- Creativity: Creative talents can open doors to careers in art, music, and design. People with these talents may be able to make money from their hobbies.

- Leadership: Leadership talents are highly valued in business and politics. People with these talents may be able to lead teams and organizations to success.

5. Luck and Timing

- Luck:

- Born into a Wealthy Family: People born into wealthy families have a significant advantage. They have access to resources and networks that are not available to others.

- Finding the Right Opportunities: Luck can play a role in finding the right business or investment opportunities. Being in the right place at the right time can make a big difference.

- Timing:

- Starting a Business at the Right Time: Starting a business when the economy is growing can increase the chances of success. Starting a business when the economy is sluggish can be challenging.

- Investing at the Right Time: Investing in the stock market before a bull market can generate significant profits. Investing in the stock market before a bear market can lead to significant losses.

 

These factors are interconnected. Inequality of opportunity, economic conditions

 

- Education: Improving the quality of education in rural areas and providing scholarships to outstanding students from poor families.

- Health: Expanding access to affordable healthcare and raising awareness about the importance of health.

- Financial Capital: Providing microloans and business training to small and medium-sized entrepreneurs.

- Policies: Implementing policies that reduce discrimination and support gender and racial equality.

 

With joint efforts, we can create a more just society and give everyone the opportunity to reach their full potential, even though material wealth is not the only measure of success."

Effective communication strategies for resolving conflicts in marriage without damaging the relationship

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Effective communication strategies for resolving conflicts in marriage without damaging the relationship",  The main reason why I chose this topic is because not everyone who is in a marriage is able to resolve their inner conflicts.  many of them choose to divorce when they find no incompatibility, in my opinion, they should have done something a little different from what they should have done in daily activity, such as prioritize empathy over ego, consult with professionals, Here are more in-depth effective communication strategies for resolving conflicts in marriage without damaging the relationship, with an emphasis on comprehensive understanding and practical application:

 

I. Foundations of Effective Communication

 

- Building Self-Awareness:

- Know Your Communication Style: Identify how you tend to communicate when stressed, angry, or frustrated. Do you tend to withdraw, attack, or become passive-aggressive?

- Identify Emotional Triggers: Recognize specific situations, words, or behaviors that trigger negative emotional reactions in you. Understanding these triggers allows you to be better prepared to deal with them.

- Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your feelings and needs before communicating with your partner. This helps you convey your message more clearly and calmly.

- Listening with Empathy:

- Focus on Unspoken Messages: Pay attention to your partner's body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. Often, unspoken messages contain important information about their feelings.

- Validate Feelings: Acknowledge and value your partner's feelings, even if you don't agree with their views. Example: "I understand why you feel that way."

- Ask Open-Ended Questions: Use questions that encourage your partner to share more about their feelings and experiences. Example: "What makes you feel that way?"

- Avoid Interruptions: Let your partner finish their sentences without interruption. Listening patiently shows respect and attention.

- Clear and Honest Communication:

- Use "I" Statements: Express your feelings and needs from a personal perspective, rather than blaming or accusing your partner. Example: "I feel unappreciated when..." instead of "You never appreciate me!"

- Be Specific and Concrete: Avoid generalizations and focus on specific behaviors or situations that are problematic. Example: "I feel lonely when you play games all night," instead of "You're always playing games!"

- Verify Understanding: Make sure your partner understands your message correctly. Ask, "Do you understand what I mean?" or "Can you tell me back what you heard?"

- Be Honest with Boundaries: Don't be afraid to say "no" or express your unmet needs. Honesty is the foundation of a healthy relationship.

 

II. Managing Emotions in Conflict

 

- Identifying and Acknowledging Emotions:

- Name the Emotion: Identify the emotion you are feeling (angry, sad, scared, frustrated) and acknowledge its existence.

- Accept Emotions: Don't try to suppress or deny your emotions. Emotions are a natural part of the human experience.

- Understand the Source of Emotions: Find out what is causing you to feel that emotion. Is it an unmet need, an unrealistic expectation, or an unresolved past experience?

- Self-Soothing Techniques:

- Deep Breathing: Take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it for a few seconds, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat several times to calm the nervous system.

- Meditation or Mindfulness: Practice self-awareness by focusing on the present moment without judgment.

- Visualization: Imagine a calm and peaceful place to help relieve tension.

- Physical Activity: Going for a walk, exercising, or doing other physical activities can help release negative energy.

- Managing Emotional Reactions:

- Delay Reaction: If you feel too emotional to communicate well, take a break.

- Avoid Personal Attacks: Focus on the problem, not on your partner's character.

- Use Humor Wisely: Humor can relieve tension, but avoid sarcasm or mockery that can hurt your partner's feelings.

- Forgive Yourself and Your Partner: Learn to let go of past mistakes and focus on the future.

 

III. Constructive Conflict Resolution Strategies

 

- Focus on Solutions, Not Problems:

- Identify the Main Problem: Agree on the problem that needs to be resolved.

- Brainstorm Solutions: Generate as many solutions as possible without judgment.

- Evaluate Solutions: Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each solution.

- Choose the Best Solution: Choose the solution that best meets the needs of both parties.

- Compromise and Collaboration:

- Be Willing to Give and Take: Look for a solution that is fair to both parties, even if it means giving in on some things.

- Focus on Common Goals: Remember that you are both on the same side and want a happy and healthy relationship.

- Work Together: Involve your partner in the decision-making process and make sure they feel valued.

- Advanced Communication Techniques:

- Reframing: Change the way you look at the problem to see it from a more positive perspective.

- Active Listening with Reflection: Repeat what you heard from your partner and add a reflection on their feelings. Example: "So, you feel unappreciated when I don't help you with household chores. Is that right?"

- Broken Record Technique: Repeat your statement calmly and firmly without getting emotionally triggered.

- Seeking Professional Help:

- Marriage Counseling: Consider seeking help from a marriage therapist if you have difficulty resolving conflicts on your own.

- Mediation: Mediation can help you communicate more effectively and reach mutually beneficial agreements.

 

IV. Cultural Perspective (Indonesia)

 

- Traditional Values:

- Respect for Parents: Involve parents or religious figures in resolving conflicts if necessary, but still maintain the couple's autonomy.

- Deliberation and Consensus: Prioritize discussion and consensus in decision-making.

- Patience and Harmony: Avoid direct confrontation and strive to maintain family harmony.

- Modern Adaptation:

- Balance of Gender Roles: Discuss and agree on fair gender roles that suit your needs and desires.

- Open Communication: Encourage honest and open communication, even if it means breaking traditional norms.

- Education and Awareness: Increase awareness about the importance of healthy communication and equal relationships.

 

Deeper Scenario Example: 

Situation: A couple is dissatisfied with their sex life.

 

1. Wrong Approach: "You never satisfy me! I don't know why I married you!"

2. Better Approach:

- Self-Awareness: "I feel dissatisfied with our sex life and I want to talk to you about it."

- Listening with Empathy: "I know this may be difficult to talk about, but I want to hear how you feel about this."

- Clear and Honest Communication: "I feel like we're not emotionally connected during sex. I want us to try new things and focus more on each other's pleasure."

- Focus on Solutions: "Could we read a book about healthy sex together? Or maybe we could try sex counseling?"

 

By combining the foundations of effective communication, wise emotion management, constructive conflict resolution strategies, and an understanding of cultural values, you can create a stronger, happier, and more fulfilling marital relationship."

How to Deal with Intrusive Thoughts:

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "How to Deal with Intrusive Thoughts",  The reason I chose this topic is because many people's minds are constantly working without direction, there are several factors that keep our minds working, even when we don't think we're consciously thinking about anything:

- Default Mode Network (DMN):

- Definition: The DMN is a brain network that's active when we're not focused on a specific task, or when we're resting. This network is involved in processes like remembering the past, imagining the future, and thinking about ourselves and others.

- Role: When we're not focused on an external task, the DMN takes over and processes information automatically. This is what keeps us thinking, even when we're not trying to.

- Automatic Thoughts:

- Definition: Automatic thoughts are thoughts that arise spontaneously without our awareness. These thoughts are often related to our beliefs, values, and past experiences.

- Role: Automatic thoughts can influence our emotions and behavior. If our automatic thoughts tend to be negative, we may feel anxious or sad for no apparent reason.

- Memory:

- Role: Our brain is constantly processing and organizing memories. When we're not focused on a specific task, our brain may automatically recall past events or think about future plans.

 - Unresolved Emotions:

- Role: Emotions that we haven't fully processed can linger in our thoughts. For example, if we experience a traumatic event, we may dwell on it even when we're not trying to.

- Stress and Anxiety:

- Role: Stress and anxiety can make our thoughts more active and difficult to control. When we're stressed or anxious, we may dwell on our problems or worry about the future.

- Habits:

- Role: Certain thoughts can become habits. For example, if we're used to criticizing ourselves, we may continue to do so even when we're not aware of it.

How to Deal with Intrusive Thoughts:

- Mindfulness: Practice being fully aware of the present moment. Focus on your breath or the physical sensations you're experiencing.

- Meditation: Meditation can help calm your mind and reduce stress.

- Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings. This can help process unresolved emotions.

- Therapy: If your thoughts are constantly interfering with your life, consider seeking professional help from a therapist.

- Exercise: Exercise can help reduce stress and improve your mood.

 - Get Enough Sleep: Lack of sleep can make our minds more active and difficult to control.

- Limit Caffeine and Alcohol Consumption: Caffeine and alcohol can exacerbate stress and anxiety.

By understanding the factors that keep our minds busy and implementing strategies to overcome them, we can gain more control over our thoughts and live a calmer and happier life.

How to make dreams come true realistically

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "how to make dreams come true realistically",  The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people want to make all their dreams come true in their own way,  However, if we look at it from the perspective of the laws of the universe, no human being can make something happen in the way they want except with God's law, Making every human's dream in a reality today needs a sustainable effort, even if the dream is not yet clearly visible, it requires a series of actions and a sustained shift in mindset. Here are some steps you can take:

Deep Visualization:

- Imagine in Detail: Take time each day to visualize your dream as if it were already a reality. Imagine the details: how you feel, what you see, hear, and taste. Engage all your senses.

- Create a Visualization Board: Collect images, words, and symbols that represent your dream and post them on a visualization board. Place it somewhere you'll see them often to remind and motivate yourself.

Set Specific and Measurable Goals:

- Break Down Big Dreams: Divide your big dream into smaller, more achievable goals. These goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART).

- Example: If your dream is to become a famous writer, smaller goals might be: write 500 words every day, complete one chapter every week, and submit your manuscript to a publisher within six months.

 Take Consistent Action:

- Take Small Steps Every Day: Consistency is key. Take at least one small action every day that moves you closer to your dream.

- Example: If your dream is to own your own business, small actions could include: conducting market research, creating a business plan, or contacting a potential mentor.

Change Your Mindset:

- Believe in Yourself: Convince yourself that you are capable of achieving your dream. Eliminate doubts and negative thoughts.

- Focus on Solutions: When facing challenges, don't focus on the problem, but focus on the solution. Find ways to overcome obstacles.

- Be Positive: Maintain a positive and optimistic attitude. Believe that everything will work out well in the end.

Seek Support:

- Build a Network: Find people who share similar dreams or have achieved what you want to achieve. Learn from their experiences and ask for support.

- Find a Mentor: A mentor can provide valuable guidance, advice, and support.

- Join a Community: Join a community or group that supports your dream.

 Celebrate Progress:

- Self-Praise: Every time you achieve a small goal, celebrate it. This will boost your motivation and make you feel closer to your dream.

- Reward: Give yourself a small reward as a token of appreciation for your hard work.

Adapt and Evaluate:

- Periodic Evaluation: Review your goals and strategies periodically. Are you still on track? Does anything need to be adjusted?

- Flexibility: Be flexible and open to change. Your dreams may change over time, and you will need to adapt accordingly.

In Indonesia, especially in East Java, values such as gotong royong (cooperation) and family support are very important. Building a dream often involves:

- Family Support: Getting support from family and relatives is crucial. Involve them in your dream and ask for their support.

- Community: Join a community or group that shares similar interests. This can provide moral and practical support.

- Spirituality: Relying on spiritual beliefs can provide strength and calm in facing challenges. 

Concrete Example

Dream: Opening your own cafe.

- Visualization: Imagine your cafe bustling with customers, the aroma of fragrant coffee, and a comfortable atmosphere.

Goals:

- Market research: Within 1 month.

- Business plan: Within 2 months.

- Finding a location: Within 3 months.

- Obtaining capital: Within 6 months.

Action: Every day, set aside time to learn about the cafe business, research new recipes, or contact coffee suppliers.

- Mindset: Convince yourself that you can create a successful cafe. Don't let doubts hold you back.

Conclusion

Making your dreams a reality requires visualization, goal setting, consistent action, a shift in mindset, support, celebrating progress, and adapting. By following these steps and staying focused on your dream, you can turn it into a reality.

Characteristics of a person's life that does not bring blessings

  Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "characteristics of a person's life that does not bring blessings",  The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people do not understand the meaning behind the life they live, Many people claim that they have done the right thing, but in the end they do something that is dangerous for themselves, Here are some characteristics that may indicate that someone's life may not be blessed:

Unhappiness and Emptiness:

- Explanation: Feeling unhappy, empty, or dissatisfied with life, despite having sufficient material resources or achieving certain goals.

- Indication: Frequently feeling sad, anxious, or depressed for no apparent reason.

Persistent Financial Difficulties:

- Explanation: Experiencing recurring financial problems, such as mounting debt, spending more than income, or suddenly losing a job.

- Indication: Difficulty meeting basic needs, frequently being short of money, or feeling worried about the financial future.

Unhealthy Relationships:

- Explanation: Having conflicting, disharmonious, or harmful relationships with family, friends, or partners.

- Indication: Frequent arguments, feeling unappreciated, or experiencing emotional or physical abuse.

Lack of Purpose and Direction:

- Explanation: Not having a clear purpose in life, feeling confused about what you want to achieve, or lacking the motivation to pursue your dreams.

 - Indications: Feeling unmotivated, lacking interest, or simply going through life without a clear direction.

Poor Health:

- Explanation: Experiencing frequent or serious health problems, either physical or mental.

- Indications: Frequent illness, feeling tired, or experiencing mental disorders such as stress, anxiety, or depression.

Self-Destructive Behavior:

- Explanation: Engaging in self-harming behaviors, such as drug or alcohol abuse, or other risky behaviors.

- Indications: Feeling worthless, not caring about one's own health or safety, or seeking to escape from problems.

Lack of Personal Growth:

- Explanation: Not making an effort to learn, develop, or improve oneself, whether intellectually, emotionally, or spiritually.

- Indications: Feeling stagnant, not having an interest in learning new things, or not making an effort to overcome one's weaknesses.

Ingratitude:

- Explanation: Not appreciating what one has, always feeling inadequate, or focusing on the negative aspects of life.

- Indications: Frequent complaining, being dissatisfied with what one has, or being jealous of others.

- Indications: Frequent complaining, being dissatisfied with what one has, or being jealous of others.

 Forgetting Spiritual Values:

- Explanation: Ignoring religious, moral, or ethical values, and not striving to draw closer to God or perform good deeds.

- Indications: Not practicing religious practices, violating social norms, or engaging in actions that harm others.

Unsupportive Environment:

- Explanation: Surrounded by people who are negative, toxic, or unsupportive of personal growth.

- Indications: Frequently feeling pressured, criticized, or exploited by those around them.

Important to remember:

- There is no exact formula: The above characteristics are only potential indications and do not necessarily mean that a person's life is unblessed.

- Individual context: Each person has a unique life journey, and what constitutes a "blessing" can be different for each person.

- Change is possible: It is important to remember that life is always subject to change, and one can take steps to improve the quality of life and bring in more blessings.

Local Perspective (Indonesia, East Java):

In Indonesia, particularly in East Java, the concept of "blessing" is often associated with harmonious relationships with family and community, lawful sustenance, good health, and inner peace. Furthermore, doing good to others, upholding traditions and culture, and drawing closer to God are also considered important factors in bringing blessings into life. 

If you feel that your life is not bringing blessings, it is important to conduct self-reflection, seek support from those closest to you, and take steps to improve your quality of life.

How to get out of the teachings of false doctrine

  Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "How to get out of the teachings of false doctrine",  The reason I chose this topic is because many people do not dare to distance themselves from false doctrines, Breaking free from false doctrine is a difficult process, but not impossible. This process often involves deep self-reflection and the courage to question long-held beliefs. Here are some steps you can take to break free from false doctrine:

1. Recognizing False Doctrine

The first step is recognizing that something is wrong with the doctrine. Recognizable symptoms include:

* Discomfort or inner conflict: You sense something is wrong with the teaching, even though you can't explain it.

* Lack of room for questioning or doubt: False doctrines often discourage questioning or doubting, and even threaten those who dare to question it.

* Separation from outsiders: These doctrines often encourage separation from those outside their group, making you feel superior or judged.

2. Seek Other Sources of Information

Once you recognize a problem, seek information from different, credible sources. Read books, journals, or listen to the opinions of independent experts unaffiliated with the doctrine.  This process allows you to see different perspectives and compare them to what you've always believed.

3. Build a Support Network

The process of coming out of a false doctrine can feel very lonely. Find trusted people, such as friends, family, or even a therapist, who can support you. Talking with someone who understands your situation can provide new perspectives and reduce feelings of isolation.

4. Give Yourself Time

Don't rush. This process takes time, and you may experience a range of emotions, such as confusion, anger, or sadness. Give yourself time to process these new emotions and information, and don't feel guilty if you take a step back.

5. Develop Independent Thinking

Finally, develop critical thinking skills. Learn to evaluate information objectively, identify biases, and form your own opinions. This will not only help you come out of a false doctrine but will also prevent you from falling into another one in the future.

The process of coming out of a false doctrine is a journey toward freedom of thought. It requires courage, patience, and a willingness to see the world with new eyes.

The characteristics of false doctrine can often be recognized by how it influences a person's thinking, behavior, and social relationships. This type of doctrine is not only problematic logically, but also emotionally and socially.

Here are some key characteristics of false doctrine:

1. Lack of Space for Questioning and Critical Thinking

False doctrine often forbids its members from questioning its teachings. Questioning is considered a form of disloyalty or even sin. This prevents followers from thinking independently and simply accepting whatever is taught without evaluation.

2. Isolating Followers from the Outside World

False doctrine typically encourages followers to distance themselves from family, friends, or anyone else outside their group. The outside world is often portrayed as dangerous, dirty, or sinful. The goal is to isolate members so they rely solely on the group and its leader.

3. Cult of the Leader

A leader in false doctrine is often perceived as infallible or as having a special relationship with God or a higher entity. Their decisions and teachings are unquestionable. Followers are encouraged to blindly follow the leader, not out of personal conviction, but out of obligation.

4. Teachings That Promise Exclusive Salvation or Prosperity

False doctrines often offer promises of salvation, wealth, or power that can only be obtained through membership in the group. They create an "us vs. them" mindset, where only group members will be saved or blessed, while others will be doomed.

5. Using Fear and Guilt

These doctrines often use the fear of punishment, failure, or condemnation as a means of controlling their followers. They can also instill a deep sense of guilt, making followers feel unworthy or guilty if they do not fully adhere to the teachings.

By recognizing these characteristics, one can be more vigilant and able to distinguish between edifying doctrines and those that are misleading.

The difference between tawakal and despair

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "the difference between tawakal and despair",  The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people feel helpless in facing the crisis in various circles,  Many people do not know how to survive in a crisis, in various religions many religious leaders teach how to put their trust in God, Tawakal in Islam has a very deep meaning and is one of the pillars of faith. Etymologically, the word "tawakal" comes from Arabic which means to surrender, represent or surrender completely to Allah' s destiny.

 However, the meaning of tawakal in Islam is not just surrender or waiting for a miracle without effort. Tawakal is an attitude of heart that includes two main things:

  * Try and make serious efforts. This is an absolute first step. A Muslim who relies on trust must use all his abilities, thoughts and energy to achieve goals or face problems. Rasulullah SAW said: "Tie your camel, then put your trust in Allah." This hadith shows that effort (tying the camel) must be done first before surrendering to Allah (tawakal).

  * Surrender the final result completely to Allah (God's name in Islam). After all maximum efforts have been made, a Muslim must let go of anxiety and worry about the results. He must believe with full confidence that whatever Allah has ordained is the best for him, because Allah is All-Knowing and All-Wise.

 Thus, tawakkal is a combination of hard work and sincere surrender to Allah. It is a work of the heart, where one believes that only Allah has absolute control over all things, while our efforts are merely a means or means commanded by Him.

Characteristics of someone who has tawakkal:

* Not easily discouraged: They know that failure is part of Allah's destiny and may have wisdom behind it.

* Their life is more peaceful: They are not haunted by excessive worry because they believe that their sustenance and fate have been determined by Allah.

* Optimistic and positive-minded: They always see everything with a positive perspective, believing that Allah will provide the best.

* Not arrogant: They realize that their success is not solely due to their own efforts, but rather due to Allah's help and grace.

In short, tawakkal is a strong belief that Allah will provide for all the needs of His servants who submit after doing their best. As Allah says in the Qur'an, At-Talaq verse 3:

"And whoever places his trust in Allah, He will suffice him."

In Islam and from a psychological perspective, humans should not despair because:

1. From a Religious Perspective

Allah forbids despairing of His mercy.

In the Quran:

"Do not despair of Allah's mercy. Indeed, no one despairs of Allah's mercy except the disbelievers." (Surah Yusuf: 87).

Despair means not believing that Allah is Almighty to change the situation, even though Allah says that with every difficulty there is ease (Surah Al-Insyirah: 5-6).

Despair can cause someone to abandon prayer, worship, and endeavor, even though these are actually the doors to help.

2. From a Psychological Perspective

Despair causes the brain to focus only on problems, not solutions. This triggers stress, depression, and feelings of helplessness.

Hope is the energy that keeps people moving and searching for solutions. Without hope, motivation is lost.

Many successful people begin with repeated failures, but they never give up.

 3. From the Perspective of Life

Life is a cycle: today is difficult, tomorrow may be easy.

Humans don't know God's plan; today's problems may be the path to greater goodness in the future.

By not giving up, humans open up opportunities to learn, grow, and discover a deeper meaning in life.

👉 So, not giving up is a form of faith, mental health, and a life strategy.

How to avoid the toxic taste of positivity

      Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "How to avoid the toxic taste of positivity" , the reason I chose this topic is because many people glorify positive feelings and avoid negative feelings with a narrow perspective, The term toxic positivity refers to forcing, either on oneself or others, to always think and act positively, while denying or suppressing negative emotions such as sadness, disappointment, or anger.

This attitude often arises with good intentions, namely to provide encouragement or support. However, when done excessively and unrealistically, it can actually become toxic. Negative emotions are a natural part of the human experience and are important to acknowledge, process, and manage healthily.

The Difference Between Toxic Positivity and Optimism.

It is important to distinguish between toxic positivity and healthy optimism.

* Healthy optimism is a realistic positive attitude. Optimists acknowledge the existence of problems or difficulties, but they believe they have the ability to overcome them. They do not suppress negative emotions, but rather accept them as part of the process.

* Toxic positivity, on the other hand, encourages the denial of negative emotions. This is a dishonest and shallow form of optimism because it forces a false sense of happiness, even in situations that are impossible

 Characteristics of Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity can be recognized by several characteristics, both when we experience it ourselves and when others do it to us.

* Emotional denial: Often saying "I'm fine" when in reality, we're in turmoil.

* Guilt: Feeling ashamed or guilty when experiencing negative emotions, viewing it as a weakness.

* Judgmentalism: Giving advice that seems judgmental, such as "Don't complain so much" or "Be grateful, many people are suffering more."

* Negative thinking: Ignoring or minimizing others' feelings with statements like "Everything will be fine" or "There must be a silver lining," without allowing them space to feel their sadness or disappointment.

* Negative Impacts of Toxic Positivity

While seemingly positive, this attitude can be detrimental to mental health.

* Inhibiting emotional processing: By suppressing negative emotions, a person is never able to process them properly, which can lead to a buildup of stress and anxiety.

 * Guilt: Victims of toxic positivity, whether from themselves or others, can feel guilty because they feel they can't always be happy.

* Lack of self-confidence: A person can feel unappreciated or unheard, making them reluctant to share their problems in the future.

* Increased risk of mental disorders: In the long term, persistent denial of emotions can trigger more serious mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, or burnout.

Toxic positivity can be prevented, both in yourself and when interacting with others. The key is to build awareness and develop empathy, and shift your mindset from "always having to be happy" to "accepting all emotions as part of life."

Preventing Toxic Positivity in Yourself

* Acknowledge and Validate Your Emotions. Allow yourself to feel negative emotions without judgment. This is the most important step. Instead of forcing yourself to "think positively," try asking yourself: "Why am I feeling sad/angry/disappointed?" Acknowledging your feelings is the first step to processing and releasing them.

* Practice Self-Compassion. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when you're facing difficulties. Instead of blaming yourself, think of it as comforting a friend who is having a hard time.

* Journal or Express Your Feelings. Journaling can be a powerful tool for expressing your feelings and thoughts honestly, without fear of judgment. If you feel more comfortable, talk to someone you trust who can listen to you without judgment.

 * Set Boundaries on Social Media. Social media is often a source of toxic positivity because many people only share the positive aspects of their lives. If you feel stressed viewing it, it's okay to limit your time or even take a break from social media.

Preventing Toxic Positivity in Others

* Listen with Empathy, Not Judgment. When someone tells you about their problems, focus on listening. Your job isn't to "fix" their problems, but to be a good listener.

* Validate Their Feelings. After listening, let them know that what they're feeling is valid and normal. Phrases like, "I understand you're feeling hard" or "It's natural for you to feel sad, I feel the same way," are much more reassuring than, "It's okay, don't be sad."

* Avoid Clichés. Stay away from phrases like "Everything will be fine" or "There must be a silver lining." While well-intentioned, these phrases often feel dismissive. Instead, offer tangible support, such as: "Is there anything I can do to help?" or "I'm here if you need someone to talk to."

 * Ask What They Need. Everyone has different ways of coping. Some may just need a listening ear, while others may need advice or help. Ask them directly what you can do for them.

By implementing these steps, we can create a more honest, healthy, and supportive environment where every emotion—both positive and negative—is valued and accepted.