What makes someone feel special

    Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "What Makes Someone Feel Special?", The reason I chose this topic is because not everyone feels special, To know their special powers, many people are willing to pay a high price to get information on how to get special recognition, The feeling of being "special" is one of the basic human emotional needs. It's not about being unique in the eyes of the whole world, but about feeling a deep sense of self-worth and recognition in certain relationships or communities, If we pay attention, the need for recognition can multiply the chances of luck in each individual, Hard work alone is not enough to prove that we are unique creature, we need to instill a reputation, integrity, high work ethic and humility to accept discomfort.

Here are the main psychological and interpersonal factors that make someone feel special:

 

1. Being Seen and Heard

The feeling of being special often stems from the experience that one's existence is noticed and authentically acknowledged.

 

- Recognition of Existence: A person feels special when others see not only their physical appearance, but also the essence of themselves—their values, interests, and quirks.

- Active Listening: This is more than just hearing words. It's when others are fully present, ask follow-up questions, and remember small details you share. This shows that your thoughts matter.

- Emotional Validation: When someone is in a difficult or vulnerable situation and another person acknowledges, "I understand why you feel that way," it provides validation that makes them feel that their feelings are legitimate and respected.

 

2. Unique Appreciation

The feeling of being special arises when the appreciation given is specific and personalized to them, rather than just general praise.

 

- Specific Praise: Instead of saying, "You're great," praise that makes someone feel special is, "The way you explained that complex concept was amazing; you really have a talent for teaching." This acknowledges specific skills and efforts.

- Personalized Gestures: Gifts, surprises, or help that are deliberately tailored to the person's interests, needs, or love language. For example, making coffee exactly the way they like it without being asked, or sending an article about a hobby they've recently taken up. This shows, "I notice you and care about what you care about."

- Recognition of Contribution: Feeling special when knowing that their presence or contribution makes a difference. For example, in the workplace, when their ideas are recognized as key to the success of a project; or in the family, when their role as a comforter is appreciated.

 

3. Being Wanted and Needed

Humans have an intrinsic need to feel that they are valuable to others and have an important place.

 

- Active Pursuit: Feeling special when others proactively seek their presence—specifically inviting them to events, calling to hear how they are doing, or asking for their opinion.

- Relying on Them: A person feels special when others trust them with important responsibilities, secrets, or ask for help with something that only they can do. This sends the message, "I need you and I trust your abilities."

- Unconditional Acceptance: Feeling special when they know that they can be their vulnerable selves, with all their flaws, and still be loved or accepted. This is the foundation of authentic affection.

 

4. Differential Treatment

In the context of close relationships (partners, best friends), differential treatment affirms their special status.

 

- Priorities: Being a priority above other less important things. This doesn't mean being the sole focus, but having a guaranteed and special place in the other person's schedule or heart.

- "Insider": Being given access to personal information, future plans, or secrets that are not shared with others. This creates an exclusive bond that says, "You are in my inner circle."

In short:

A person feels special when they experience depth of relationship—where they are not only treated well, but also seen holistically, appreciated specifically, and uniquely needed by those who matter to them."

Hopefully this information can give you an insight how to improve your career path, good luck.

Understand the basic differences between introversion and social anxiety so you don't misdiagnose yourself.

 

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Understand the basic differences between introversion and social anxiety so you don't misdiagnose yourself",  The reason I chose this topic is because many people like to judge themselves in a way that makes thing worse, Some people like to judge based on what they like but don't have time to think about what makes them stay in good preparation, when they do something based on expectations only, they will do something that can cause social anxiety because they think what they do is always right for other people's shake,  since not many people know how to deal with social anxiety, let's delve deeper into the fundamental differences between introversion and social anxiety to ensure you don't misdiagnose yourself. An accurate understanding will help you recognize the characteristics of yourself or others more precisely.

 

Introversion: More Than Just Shyness

 

- Definition: Introversion is a personality trait characterized by a focus on one's internal world, such as thoughts, feelings, and ideas. It is not a deficiency or a problem but rather a natural preference in how someone processes information and gains energy.

Source of Energy:

- Recharging Their Own Battery: Introverts gain energy from time spent alone or in quiet, reflective activities. Social interactions, especially intense or prolonged ones, can drain their energy.

- Quality Over Quantity: They tend to prefer deep, meaningful interactions with a few close people rather than many superficial interactions with many people.

Social Preferences:

- Enjoying Solitude: Introverts often enjoy spending time alone reading, writing, reflecting, or pursuing personal hobbies. This alone time is important for them to process experiences and restore energy.

- Choice in Interactions: They don't always avoid social interactions, but they tend to choose smaller, more intimate events or activities. They may feel more comfortable in one-on-one conversations than in large groups.

Feelings in Social Situations:

- Not Anxious or Afraid: Introverts do not feel anxious or afraid in social situations. They may feel tired or overwhelmed after too much interaction, but this is different from anxiety.

- Choosing Not to Participate: They may choose not to participate in social events due to personal preference, not because of fear or anxiety. They may feel more productive or relaxed doing something else.

Strengths of Introverts:

- Deep Reflection: Introverts tend to think deeply and reflect on various things. They often have a rich understanding of themselves and the world around them.

- Creativity and Innovation: Many introverts are very creative and innovative because they spend time thinking and developing new ideas.

- Good Listeners: Introverts tend to be good listeners because they prefer to listen and observe rather than talk.

- Example: Someone who, after a day working in a busy environment, chooses to go home and read a book or watch a movie alone rather than go out with friends. They feel more relaxed and energized afterward.

 

Social Anxiety (Social Phobia): More Than Just Shyness

 

- Definition: Social anxiety is an anxiety disorder characterized by excessive and persistent fear of social situations in which a person may be judged or humiliated by others. It is a mental health condition that can significantly affect daily life.

Source of Fear:

- Fear of Being Negatively Evaluated: People with social anxiety fear being negatively evaluated by others. They worry about doing or saying something that will make them look foolish, strange, or incompetent.

- Constant Feeling of Being Judged: They feel that everyone is watching and judging them, even in the most ordinary situations.

- Behavior in Social Situations:

- Avoiding Social Situations: They tend to avoid social situations or face them with great fear and anxiety. This can include avoiding parties, meetings, public speaking, or even interacting with strangers.

- Physical Symptoms: Social anxiety is often accompanied by physical symptoms such as heart palpitations, sweating, trembling, nausea, dizziness, and difficulty speaking. These symptoms can worsen fear and anxiety.

- Safety Behaviors: To reduce anxiety, they may use "safety behaviors" such as avoiding eye contact, speaking in a soft voice, or always bringing a friend.

- Feelings in Social Situations:

- Anxious and Afraid: People with social anxiety feel very anxious, afraid, and uncomfortable in social situations. They may experience panic attacks in very frightening situations.

- Feeling Judged: They feel that everyone is watching and judging them, and they worry about what others think of them.

- Impact on Life:

- Social Isolation: Social anxiety can lead to social isolation because the person avoids interacting with others.

- Difficulties in Work and Education: It can affect performance at work or school, especially if the job or study involves social interaction.

- Other Mental Health Problems: Social anxiety often occurs together with other mental health problems such as depression, other anxiety disorders, or substance abuse.

- Example: Someone who feels very nervous and afraid when they have to speak in public or attend events where they don't know many people, so they try to avoid them altogether. They may experience physical symptoms such as heart palpitations and cold sweats.

A Practical Guide to Applying the 10-Minute Mindfulness Technique to Reduce Daily Anxiety

  Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "A Practical Guide to Applying the 10-Minute Mindfulness Technique to Reduce Daily Anxiety", The reason I chose this topic is because of the many benefits of Mindfulness techniques for worry, here's a more in-depth and comprehensive guide on how to apply the 10-minute mindfulness technique to reduce daily anxiety:

 

Mindfulness is the practice of intentionally focusing your attention on the present moment, without judgment or emotional reaction. It involves actively observing your thoughts, feelings, body sensations, and surrounding environment, as if you were a neutral observer. The goal of mindfulness is not to stop thoughts or change feelings, but to be aware of and accept your experience as it is.

 

Anxiety often arises from worries about the future or regrets about the past. By practicing mindfulness, you shift your focus from these intrusive thoughts to the present moment, which can help relieve tension and stress. Mindfulness can also help you develop greater self-awareness, so you can recognize your anxiety triggers and respond to them in a more adaptive way.

 

Preparing for Mindfulness Meditation

 

Before starting mindfulness meditation, it's important to create a supportive environment:

 

- Find a Quiet Space: Choose a place where you feel comfortable and safe, with minimal distractions from noise, light, or other people.

- Schedule the Right Time: Set aside 10 minutes each day at the same time, for example, in the morning before starting activities, or at night before bed. Consistency will help you build a mindfulness habit.

- Prepare the Necessary Equipment: You may want to use a meditation cushion, blanket, or comfortable chair. Set a timer or meditation app on your phone, but make sure the phone is in silent or do not disturb mode.

- Wear Loose Clothing: Tight clothing can interfere with your comfort and concentration.

 

10-Minute Mindfulness Meditation Technique

 

Here is a step-by-step guide for a 10-minute mindfulness meditation:

 

1. Sit Comfortably: Sit in a chair with your back straight but relaxed, or cross-legged on a cushion. Gently close your eyes, or direct your gaze downward with a soft focus.

2. Focus on Breathing:

- Bring your attention to your breath. Feel the sensation of air entering and leaving your body.

- Notice the rise and fall of your chest or abdomen as you breathe.

- Focus on the physical sensations of your breath, rather than on your thoughts or emotions.

3. Body Awareness (Body Scan):

- After a few minutes of focusing on your breath, expand your attention to your entire body.

- Starting with your toes, notice the sensations in each part of your body.

- Notice sensations such as pressure, temperature, or tingling.

- If you feel tension or discomfort, try to gently relax that area.

4. Open Awareness:

- After you have scanned your entire body, expand your attention to include any sounds, thoughts, and emotions that arise.

- Notice the sounds around you, but don't try to identify or judge them.

- Let thoughts and emotions come and go like clouds in the sky. Don't try to suppress or analyze them.

- Simply observe them with curiosity and without judgment.

 

Dealing with Distractions

 

Distractions are a natural part of mindfulness meditation. Your mind may start to wander, or you may feel the urge to move or do something else. When this happens, don't get frustrated or blame yourself. Simply gently acknowledge the distraction and redirect your attention back to your breath or body sensations.

 

Imagine your thoughts and emotions like a flowing river. You don't need to try to stop the flow of the river, but you can choose not to be swept away by it. Simply observe the flow of the river from the riverbank, without trying to control or change it.

 

Ending Your Meditation Session

 

When the timer goes off, take a moment to feel how you are feeling. Notice if you feel calmer, more relaxed, or more centered than before the session. Slowly open your eyes and return to your surroundings with full awareness.

 

Integrating Mindfulness into Daily Life

 

Mindfulness meditation is just one way to practice mindfulness. You can also integrate mindfulness into your daily activities:

 

- Eat Mindfully: Pay attention to the taste, aroma, and texture of your food. Chew your food slowly and enjoy each bite.

- Walk Mindfully: Notice the sensation of your feet touching the ground. Feel the wind on your face and the sounds around you.

- Wash Dishes Mindfully: Notice the temperature of the water and the sensation of soap on your hands. Focus on the movements of washing and rinsing the dishes.

- Speak Mindfully: Listen attentively to what others are saying. Pay attention to their body language and facial expressions.

 

Benefits of Mindfulness Meditation

 

Mindfulness meditation has been shown to have many benefits for mental and physical health:

 

- Reduces Stress and Anxiety: Mindfulness can help lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, and increase feelings of calm and relaxation.

- Improves Focus and Concentration: Mindfulness can help train the brain to focus on the present moment and reduce distractions.

- Increases Self-Awareness: Mindfulness can help you recognize your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, so you can make more conscious choices.

- Improves Relationships: Mindfulness can help you become a better listener and communicate more effectively.

- Improves Sleep Quality: Mindfulness can help calm the mind and body, so you can sleep more soundly.

 

By practicing mindfulness regularly, you can reduce anxiety, improve your well-being, and live a more meaningful life.

Why Do We Often Procrastinate Even Though We Know the Deadline Is Near?

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Why Do We Often Procrastinate Even Though We Know the Deadline Is Near?", The main reason why I chose this topic is because many workers have the habit of procrastinating, as we know that Procrastination is a universal phenomenon that affects almost everyone at some point in their lives. Even though we know that the deadline is approaching and completing the task will be beneficial, we often engage in other activities that are less important or not important at all. Why does this happen? The answer is complex and involves various psychological, emotional, and even neurological factors.

 

1. Psychological Aspects of Procrastination

 

- Avoidance of Negative Emotions:

- At the core of procrastination is often an attempt to avoid negative emotions. Certain tasks may trigger uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety, boredom, frustration, self-doubt, or fear of failure. Instead of facing these emotions directly, we procrastinate as a temporary coping mechanism.

- For example, someone who is afraid of failing an exam might delay studying because studying reminds them of the potential for failure. By procrastinating, they temporarily avoid feelings of anxiety and incompetence.

Perfectionism and Unrealistic Standards:

- Perfectionists often fall victim to procrastination because they have very high standards for themselves. They fear not being able to meet those standards, so they procrastinate in the hope that they will have more time, energy, or inspiration later.

- Perfectionism can also lead to analysis paralysis, where someone overthinks and plans so much that they never actually start the task.

- Lack of Intrinsic Motivation:

- Intrinsic motivation is the internal drive to do something for personal pleasure or satisfaction. When we are not intrinsically motivated to do a task, we tend to procrastinate. Tasks that are boring, repetitive, or irrelevant to our interests and values often fall victim to procrastination.

- In this case, procrastination can be a form of passive rebellion against tasks we dislike.

Present Bias:

- Present bias is the tendency to prioritize short-term rewards and gratification over long-term consequences. We value the immediate pleasure we get from procrastinating (e.g., watching TV, playing games) more than the long-term benefits of completing the task (e.g., good grades, promotion).

- This bias is reinforced by the dopamine system in our brains, which gives us a rush of pleasure every time we do something enjoyable, even if it harms us in the long run.

 

2. Emotional Aspects of Procrastination

 

- Poor Emotional Regulation:

- Procrastination is often an emotional regulation problem. People who procrastinate may have difficulty managing the negative emotions associated with certain tasks. They may lack effective skills or strategies for coping with anxiety, frustration, or boredom.

- Instead of facing these emotions directly, they avoid them by procrastinating. Procrastination provides temporary relief, but in the long run, it only makes the problem worse.

- Lack of Emotional Awareness:

- Emotional awareness is the ability to recognize and understand our own emotions. People who lack emotional awareness may not realize that they are procrastinating because they are trying to avoid negative emotions.

- They may just feel "unmotivated" or "unwilling" to do the task, without realizing the emotional root of those feelings.

 

3. Neurological Aspects of Procrastination

 

- The Role of the Prefrontal Cortex:

- The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain responsible for executive functions, such as planning, decision-making, and impulse control. Research shows that people who frequently procrastinate may have lower activity in the prefrontal cortex.

- This means that they may have difficulty prioritizing tasks, managing time, and resisting distractions.

- Dopamine System and Reward:

- As mentioned earlier, the dopamine system plays an important role in procrastination. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. When we do something enjoyable, our brain releases dopamine, which makes us feel good and encourages us to repeat the behavior.

- In the case of procrastination, enjoyable activities (e.g., social media) provide a quick dopamine rush, while difficult and unpleasant tasks do not. This makes us more likely to procrastinate and seek immediate gratification.

 

4. External Factors Influencing Procrastination

 

- Distracting Environment:

- A noisy, crowded, or distracting work or study environment can make it difficult for us to focus and complete tasks. Distractions from social media, email, and other notifications can disrupt our workflow and make us more likely to procrastinate.

- Lack of Structure and Schedule:

- When we lack a clear structure or schedule, we may feel overwhelmed and not know where to start. This can lead to procrastination because we don't have a clear plan for completing the task.

- Social Pressure:

- In some cases, social pressure can contribute to procrastination. For example, someone may procrastinate because they fear the judgment of others or because they feel unable to meet the expectations of others.

 

Overcoming Procrastination: Practical Strategies

 

Understanding the root causes of procrastination is the first step to overcoming it. Here are some practical strategies that can help you overcome procrastination: 

- Self-Awareness:

- Pay attention to when and why you procrastinate. Identify the emotions, thoughts, and situations that trigger your procrastination.

- Emotional Regulation:

- Develop emotional regulation skills. Learn to manage negative emotions such as anxiety, frustration, and boredom. Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, and muscle relaxation can help.

- Set Realistic Goals:

- Break large tasks into smaller, more manageable tasks. This makes the task feel less daunting and easier to start.

- Create a Schedule and Prioritize:

- Plan when and where you will work on each task. Use the Eisenhower Matrix (urgent/important) to prioritize your tasks.

- Eliminate Distractions:

- Turn off notifications and find a quiet place to work. Use apps or software to block distracting websites and apps.

- Use the Pomodoro Technique:

- Work in short, focused intervals (e.g., 25 minutes) followed by a short break (e.g., 5 minutes). This helps you stay focused and prevent burnout.

- Reward Yourself:

- Give yourself a small reward after completing each task. This helps reinforce positive behavior and makes the task feel more enjoyable.

- Forgive Yourself:

- Don't be too hard on yourself if you procrastinate. Learn from your mistakes and keep trying.

- Seek Professional Help:

- If you have difficulty overcoming procrastination on your own, don't hesitate to seek help from a therapist or coach. They can help you identify the root causes of your procrastination and develop effective strategies for overcoming it.

 

In Indonesia, as in many other cultures, cultural and social factors can also influence procrastination. Some factors that may be relevant are:

- Collectivist Culture:

- In collectivist cultures like Indonesia, social relationships and harmony are often prioritized over individual achievement. This can lead someone to procrastinate on tasks that are considered selfish or that may disrupt social relationships.

- The Concept of "Jam Karet":

- The concept of "jam karet" (flexible time) can influence people's perception of deadlines and urgency. This can lead someone to underestimate the time it takes to complete a task and procrastinate.

- Hierarchy and Authority:

- In cultures that respect hierarchy and authority, someone may procrastinate on tasks given by superiors for fear of making mistakes or not meeting their expectations.

 

Conclusion

Procrastination is a complex problem influenced by various psychological, emotional, neurological, and cultural factors. By understanding the root causes of procrastination and implementing effective strategies, we can overcome this habit and achieve our goals. I hope this more in-depth explanation is helpful to you!

Overcoming insecurity in new relationships after post-traumatic stress

 

    Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely ""Overcoming Insecurity in New Relationships After Post-Traumatic Stress",  The reason I chose this topic is because many couples are not ready to heal when they experience injustice in a relationship, Some couples try to consult a psychologist to get enlightenment and healing from trauma, here's a more in-depth guide on how to overcome insecurity in new relationships after experiencing post-traumatic stress, 

 

- Understanding the Challenge: Building a new relationship after experiencing trauma can be very challenging. Past traumatic experiences can trigger feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and deep-seated fear, which in turn can affect how you connect with your new partner.

- Key Principles: Acknowledge and accept your feelings, communicate openly and honestly, prioritize self-care, and seek professional support if needed.

 

1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings 

- Recognizing Your Emotions: The first step is to identify the specific emotions you are feeling. Are they fear, anxiety, distrust, or a combination of all of these? Recognizing these emotions is key to starting to cope with them.

- Example: Record your feelings in a journal every day. This can help you identify patterns and triggers.

- Validating Your Feelings: Remind yourself that your feelings are valid and reasonable. Trauma can leave deep and lasting emotional wounds. Don't underestimate or ignore your feelings.

- Example: Say to yourself, "It's okay to feel scared. I've been through a lot, and it's natural for me to feel this way."

- Avoiding Self-Blame: Don't criticize or blame yourself for feeling insecure. This is a natural response to your past experiences. Remember that you are in the process of healing.

- Example: Instead of thinking, "I'm too sensitive," try thinking, "I'm responding based on my past experiences, and I'm learning how to respond in a healthier way."

 

2. Communicate Openly with Your Partner 

- Choosing the Right Time: Choose a quiet and private time and place to talk to your partner. Make sure you both feel comfortable and are not rushed.

- Being Honest and Open: Share your past experiences and how those experiences affect you now. This will help your partner understand you better.

- Example: Say, "I want to be honest with you about something that has happened in my life. I experienced [trauma], and it sometimes makes me feel."

- Using "I" Statements: Express your feelings without blaming your partner. This helps create a safe space for honest communication.

- Example: Instead of saying, "You make me anxious," try saying, "I feel anxious when [situation] is different than my expectations."

- Listening Actively: Pay full attention to your partner's responses and show empathy. Try to understand their perspective.

- Example: Ask questions like, "How do you feel about what I just shared?" or "Is there anything you want to ask me?"

- Setting Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries and needs. This helps create a healthy and mutually respectful relationship.

- Example: Say, "I might need some alone time when I feel overwhelmed. Can you respect that?"

 

3. Practicing Self-Care 

- Mindfulness: Practice being fully present in the moment. This can reduce anxiety and help you stay grounded.

- Example: Try deep breathing exercises or meditation. There are many apps and online resources that can help you get started.

- Physical Health: Exercise regularly, eat a balanced diet, and get enough sleep. Good physical health can improve your mental health.

- Example: Schedule exercise at least three times a week. Choose activities you enjoy, such as walking, swimming, or dancing.

- Hobbies: Engage in activities you enjoy to reduce stress and improve your mood.

- Example: Make time for reading, painting, listening to music, or spending time in nature.

- Limiting Triggers: Identify and minimize exposure to things that trigger your trauma.

- Example: If news of violence triggers you, limit your time watching the news or reading related articles.

 

4. Building Trust Gradually 

- Starting Small: Start with small acts of trust and gradually increase them as you feel more comfortable.

- Example: Ask your partner to accompany you to a small social event or share a small secret with them.

- Being Patient: Trust takes time to build, especially after trauma. Don't rush the process.

- Example: Remember that every relationship has its own pace. Don't compare your relationship to other people's relationships.

- Celebrating Small Victories: Acknowledge and appreciate every step forward in building trust.

- Example: Say to yourself, "I feel more comfortable sharing my feelings with [partner's name]. This is progress!"

 

5. Seeking Professional Support 

- Therapy: A therapist specializing in trauma can provide tools and strategies to manage your emotions and build healthy relationships.

- Types of Therapy: Some effective types of therapy for trauma include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, and sensorimotor therapy.

- Support Groups: Connecting with others who have similar experiences can provide validation and support.

- Resources: Look for support groups online or in your community. Many organizations provide free or low-cost support groups.

- Medication: In some cases, medication may be helpful in managing symptoms of anxiety or depression. Talk to your doctor about medication options that are right for you.

 

6. Challenging Negative Thoughts 

- Identifying Negative Patterns: Recognize common negative thought patterns associated with your trauma.

- Example: "I'm not good enough," or "I'm going to get hurt again."

- Challenging These Thoughts: Question the validity of negative thoughts. Are they based on facts or assumptions?

- Example: Ask yourself, "Is there any evidence to support this thought? Is there another way to look at this situation?"

- Replacing with Positive Affirmations: Counteract negative thoughts with positive and realistic statements about yourself and your relationship.

- Example: Instead of thinking, "I'll never be able to trust anyone," try thinking, "I'm learning how to trust others, and I deserve a healthy relationship."

 

7. Practicing Forgiveness 

- Forgiving Yourself: Release any guilt or self-blame associated with your trauma.

- Example: Remember that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time.

- Forgiving Others: If possible, consider forgiving those who caused you"

Hopefully this article can give you an insight to improve your relationship in the future 

The Requirements of a Soul Mission

  Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "The Requirements of a Soul Mission", the reason I chose this topic is because many people are not educated to detect their soul mission from childhood, To do something great requires firm thinking before making a decision, we have to start selecting some information about what we like, then we have to know how to accept risks before we enter the uncomfortable zone,

The concept of "soul mission" (or life purpose) is a spiritual and philosophical term that refers to your deepest purpose or reason for being on this earth, beyond your job or social status.

Detecting and understanding your soul mission requires deep self-reflection and awareness.

1. How to Detect Your Soul Mission (The Calling)

Your soul mission isn't always a "spectacular job," but more often an energy, quality, or contribution you want to consistently embody. You can detect it in several ways:

A. Observing Your Deepest Calling

Notice Where You Feel Flow: Identify what activities—whether work, hobbies, or interactions—make you lose track of time, and after engaging in them, you feel fulfilled, energized, and aligned. That's your soul's energy path.

Identify Your "Core Gifts": What are you naturally good at without much effort, and what benefits others? Your soul's mission often relates to how you use your innate gifts (such as listening, teaching, creating systems, or creating beauty).

Look at What Makes You Angry/Concerned: Strong anger or concern about a problem (e.g, injustice, lack of beauty, or lack of knowledge) often indicates that your soul's mission is to be part of the solution to that problem.

Reflect on the Past: Review difficult moments or major challenges in your life. What lessons did you learn, and how can you now use those lessons to help others in a similar position? (Example: "I went through a difficult time, and now my mission is to heal or guide others through similar experiences.")

B. Creating a Quiet Space

Practice Stillness: Your soul's mission is often referred to as the "whisper of the soul." You won't hear it amidst the hustle and bustle. Take time for meditation, reflective journaling, or being in nature to quiet the ego mind and allow intuition to emerge.

 Future Self Visualization: Imagine yourself in 5 or 10 years, living your best, most fulfilled life. Ask that "future self," "What are you really doing? What are you spreading?"

2. Knowing What Your Soul Mission Requires

Your soul mission requires personal growth and often requires you to overcome your limitations and raise your vibration.

Authenticity: A soul mission requires you to shed social masks and the rigid standards of the world. You must be your true self—including accepting your weaknesses and uniqueness—because your mission can only be realized by the real "you." 

Vulnerability: You must be brave enough to take the risk of showing up fully and not be afraid of judgment when doing what you believe in. A soul mission is not about perfection, but about the sincerity of contribution. 

Take the First Step: A soul mission is a journey, not a single destination. It requires you to focus on the journey and dare to take the first step, even when you have not seen the whole path. Each aligned small step will reveal the next. 

Service: A soul mission is transcendent, meaning it is always connected to others. Ask yourself, "How can I serve/benefit today?" The act of serving, however simple, automatically aligns you with a higher purpose."

Here is the additional information: A true soul mission is not about labels (professions), but about being a channel of positive energy that flows through your actions and presence.

How to Find Your Soul's Mission:

- Introspection: Take time to reflect and ask yourself these important questions:

- What am I truly passionate about?

- What makes me feel alive and passionate?

- What values are most important to me?

- What problems do I want to solve in the world?

- What are my natural talents and abilities saying when I focus into specific information?

- Exploration: Try new things and step outside your comfort zone. Take a course, join a community, volunteer, or travel. New experiences can unlock hidden insights and interests.

- Pay Attention to Signs: Pay attention to things that catch your attention, opportunities that arise, and people who inspire you. These could be clues from the universe leading you to your soul's mission.

- Listen to Your Intuition: Trust your feelings and instincts. Intuition is your inner compass that guides you on the right path.

- Don't Be Afraid to Fail: The process of discovering your soul's mission can be long and winding. Don't give up if you encounter difficulties or failures. Every experience is a valuable lesson that brings you closer to your goal.

How to Align Yourself with Your Soul's Mission:

- Live in Alignment with Your Values: Ensure your actions and decisions align with your values. This will give you a sense of integrity and fulfillment.

- Use Your Talents to Serve Others: Your soul's mission often involves using your talents and abilities to help others or make a difference in the world.

- Take Risks: Living your soul's mission often requires the courage to step out of your comfort zone and take risks. Don't let fear stop you from pursuing your dreams.

- Be Patient and Trust: The process of aligning with your soul's mission takes time and patience. Trust that you are on the right path and that the universe will support you.

- Seek Support: Join a community or group that shares similar interests. Sharing experiences and learning from others can provide support and motivation.

Conclusion:

- Aligning with your soul's mission is a uniquely personal journey. There are no right or wrong answers. The most important thing is to listen to your heart, follow your intuition, and dare to live a meaningful and fulfilling life.

- By discovering and living your soul's mission, you will not only reach your full potential, but also make a positive contribution to the world and leave a lasting legacy.

Recognizing and Dealing with the Emotional Manipulation Tactics of a Covert Narcissist

  Today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Recognizing and Dealing with the Emotional Manipulation Tactics of a Covert Narcissist", The reason I chose this topic is because there are many manipulative tricks that occur in this modern era, let's delve deeper into how to recognize and deal with the emotional manipulation tactics of a covert narcissist, using a more comprehensive and detailed approach.

 

Recognizing the Emotional Manipulation Tactics of a Covert Narcissist: An In-Depth Analysis

 

Covert narcissists, unlike overt narcissists who tend to be blunt and aggressive, use a series of more subtle and veiled manipulation tactics to control and manipulate others. These tactics are often difficult to recognize because they are disguised as seemingly harmless or even sympathetic behavior. Here is an in-depth analysis of some common tactics they often use:

 

Self-Deprecation:

- Definition: This tactic involves statements or behaviors that belittle oneself in order to gain validation, sympathy, or praise from others.

- Implication: Covert narcissists use this as a way to attract attention and make others feel sorry for them or responsible for boosting their self-esteem. This creates a dynamic where the victim feels obligated to constantly provide emotional support.

- Example: "I'm really stupid about this," or "I can never do anything right."

Playing Victim:

- Definition: Creating a narrative where they are the victim in various situations, often by exaggerating problems or blaming others for the difficulties they experience.

- Implication: The goal is to gain validation, emotional support, and avoid responsibility for their actions. It can also be used to manipulate others into feeling guilty and fulfilling their desires.

- Example: "Everyone always misunderstands me," or "I'm always a victim of circumstances."

Gaslighting:

- Definition: A form of psychological manipulation that makes the victim doubt their own sanity, memory, or perceptions.

- Implication: Covert narcissists use this to control the victim's reality and make them dependent on the narcissist for validation. This can lead to confusion, anxiety, and loss of self-confidence.

- Example: Denying obvious events, changing the narrative of events, or saying "You're too sensitive" to belittle the victim's feelings.

Silent Treatment:

- Definition: Withdrawing emotionally and refusing to communicate as a way to punish, control, or manipulate others.

- Implication: This creates uncertainty, anxiety, and guilt in the victim. Covert narcissists use this to force the victim to apologize or meet their demands.

- Example: Ignoring calls or messages, avoiding eye contact, or refusing to speak for days or even weeks.

Passive-Aggression:

- Definition: Expressing anger, dissatisfaction, or hostility indirectly, through innuendo, sarcasm, procrastination, or sabotage.

- Implication: This allows covert narcissists to avoid direct confrontation while still hurting or annoying others. It can also make the victim feel confused and frustrated because it is difficult to address the behavior directly.

- Example: "Sure, I'll do it," in a sarcastic tone, or deliberately delaying an important task to upset others.

Guilt-Tripping:

- Definition: Making others feel guilty about their actions or feelings as a way to manipulate behavior.

- Implication: Covert narcissists use this to force others to do what they want by exploiting their feelings of guilt or moral obligation.

- Example: "After all I've done for you, you can't do this for me?" or "I'm so disappointed in you."

Triangulation:

- Definition: Involving a third party in a conflict to create division, control the situation, or gain validation.

- Implication: This can damage relationships, create competition, and make the victim feel isolated. Covert narcissists use this to divide and conquer.

- Example: Comparing the victim to others, using others to convey messages, or creating alliances with others to fight the victim.

Emotional Blackmail:

- Definition: Threatening or emotionally pressuring others to get what they want.

- Implication: This is a very damaging form of manipulation that can cause fear, anxiety, and loss of self-esteem. Covert narcissists use this to control the victim through fear and obligation.

- Example: Threatening to hurt themselves, reveal secrets, or withdraw love and support if the victim does not meet their demands.

 

How to Deal with a Covert Narcissist: A Comprehensive Strategy

 

Dealing with a covert narcissist requires a careful, consistent, and self-protective strategy. Here are the steps you can take:

 

1. Recognize the Patterns: Increase Self-Awareness

- Action: Record your behavior and interactions with the person. Identify the patterns of manipulation they use and how you respond to them.

- Goal: Understanding their tactics allows you to anticipate and respond more effectively.

2. Set Clear Boundaries: Prioritize Your Needs

- Action: Define clear boundaries about what you can accept and what you cannot. Communicate these boundaries firmly and consistently.

- Goal: Protecting yourself from manipulation and ensuring that your needs are met.

3. Maintain Emotional Distance: Protect Your Energy

- Action: Don't get involved in drama or try to fix them. Limit interactions and avoid sharing personal information.

- Goal: Preventing yourself from being drawn into the cycle of manipulation and maintaining your emotional health.

4. Avoid Arguments: Focus on Facts

- Action: Don't get involved in unproductive debates. Focus on the facts and avoid getting emotionally triggered.

- Goal: Preventing them from twisting the facts and provoking you.

5. Validate Yourself: Trust Your Intuition

- Action: Don't seek validation from a covert narcissist. Trust your intuition and validate your own feelings.

- Goal: Building self-confidence and reducing your dependence on external validation.

6. Seek Support: Don't Do This Alone

- Action: Talk to friends, family, or a mental health professional for support and an objective perspective.

- Goal: Gaining emotional support, practical advice, and strategies for dealing with the situation.

7. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize Your Well-being

- Action: Prioritize your physical and emotional needs. Do activities that make you feel good, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with positive people.

- Goal: Restoring your energy, reducing stress, and improving your overall well-being.

8. Consider Ending the Relationship: Prioritize Your Health

- Action: If the relationship with a covert narcissist is too damaging, consider ending the relationship.

- Goal: Protecting your mental and emotional health and creating space for healthier and more positive relationships.

How to free yourself from the trap of desires that do not come from the mission of the soul

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "How to free yourself from the trap of desires that do not come from the mission of the soul", The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people don't know how to free themselves from the clutches of their wild desires, It should be remembered that desire and awareness are different, we will not be able to achieve awareness without being free from desires that destroy the soul, Releasing oneself from the grip of desires that are not part of one's soul mission (often referred to as ego desires or false desires) is a profound process of spiritual and self-development. It is a process of recognizing what truly is your deepest heart's calling and what is merely an artificial desire triggered by society, insecurity, or external pressures.

 

Here are practical and spiritual steps to help you break free from these false desires:

 

1. Identify and Define Your Soul Mission (True North)

The first step is to clarify what your soul mission truly is.

 

- Deep Reflection: Ask yourself questions like:

- What do I do without feeling time pass?

- What problems in this world do I care deeply about?

- If money and other people's opinions were not an issue, what would I do?

- When do I feel most authentic and alive?

- Identify Core Values: Determine the 3-5 values that are most important to you (e.g., honesty, service, creativity, freedom). Desires that do not align with these values are most likely false desires.

 

2. Identify the Source of False Desires

Whenever a strong desire arises (e.g., buying an expensive item, achieving a certain position), conduct a "source check":

 

- External Triggers: Did this desire arise after seeing an advertisement, social media, or hearing comments from others?

- Emotional Triggers: Are you trying to fill a void, hide a fear, or seek validation (recognition) from others through this desire? Desires that stem from emotional insecurity are "snares" that must be released.

- Write Down Consequences: Write down what will happen if you pursue this desire. Does it bring true happiness or just momentary satisfaction followed by regret?

 

3. Practice Mindfulness and Non-Judgmental Observation

Mindfulness is the most effective tool for releasing snares.

 

- Observe Emotions: When the desire arises, don't act immediately. Sit for a moment and observe the desire as an observer.

- Create Space: Acknowledge the desire and say to yourself, "I see the desire for [name the desire], and I choose to observe it, not follow it."

- Take a Breath: By taking a deep breath, you create distance between you (consciousness) and the desire (thought/ego).

 

4. Perform Energetic Release and Surrender

Release requires a willingness to let go of control.

 

- Release Affirmations: Say affirmations (either silently or verbally) to reinforce your intention, such as:

- "I release everything that is not part of my soul's path."

- "I surrender this desire to higher wisdom."

- "I choose peace over momentary ego gratification."

- Focus on Being rather than Having: Shift the focus from "What must I have to be happy?" to "How do I want to feel and be today?" The soul mission focuses on feelings and contributions, not on possessions.

 

5. Build a Life that Aligns

Gradually fill your life with actions that truly align with your soul mission.

 

- Simplify Life: Eliminate commitments, possessions, or relationships that drain energy and do not support your core mission. The simpler your life, the less room there is for false desires.

- Prioritize Flow: Do more activities that put you into a state of effortless flow, as this is a sign that you are aligned with your true self.

- Surround Yourself with Inspiration: Interact with people who also live in alignment with their purpose. Their energy will support your release from irrelevant things.

 

Releasing these snares is not a one-time action, but rather an ongoing practice to continuously return to clarity and inner alignment.

How to Build Healthy Boundaries with Over-Controlling Parents

  Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "How to Build Healthy Boundaries with Over-Controlling Parents", The reason I chose this topic is because many children are victims of parents who prioritize ego over awareness,

Building healthy boundaries with over-controlling parents is a complex process that requires patience, effective communication, and a deep understanding of your family dynamics. The goal is not to sever the relationship, but rather to create a space where you can function as an adult individual while still respecting your parents.

 

Here is a comprehensive guide to achieving this:

 

1. Understanding the Root of Over-Controlling Parental Behavior

 

✅Before setting boundaries, it's important to try to understand why your parents act the way they do. This is not to justify their behavior, but to help you approach the situation with empathy and better strategies.

 

- Concerns and Affection: Often, controlling behavior stems from deep love and concern for your well-being. They may be afraid you will make mistakes, get hurt, or not succeed.

- Parents' Past Experiences: Parents may have had traumatic or difficult life experiences that make them want to protect you from similar suffering. They may also have been controlled by their own parents.

- Cultural and Social Norms: In many cultures, including in Indonesia, parents have a very central role in their children's lives, even after they are adults. There is a social expectation that children should be obedient and respect their parents' decisions.

- Personal Insecurities: Some parents may have insecurities or dissatisfaction in their own lives, and try to control their children's lives as a way to gain a sense of control or achievement.

 

2. Developing Clear and Assertive Communication

 

✅Communication is key. The way you convey your wishes greatly influences how your parents will respond.

 

- Use "I-Statements": Focus on your own feelings and experiences rather than blaming. This reduces defensiveness.

- Example: Instead of "Mom always controls my life!", say "I find it difficult to feel independent when my important decisions are always questioned."

- Choose the Right Time and Place: Avoid discussing sensitive topics when you or your parents are tired, stressed, or in a crowded place. Choose a quiet, private moment when both of you are in a good mood.

- Explain the Impact, Not the Intent: Focus on how their behavior affects you, not on your assumptions about their intentions.

- Example: "I feel overwhelmed and anxious when I have to report every detail of my activities."

- Listen Actively: Give your parents a chance to speak and listen to their concerns. This shows that you also value their feelings, which can pave the way for mutual understanding.

 

3. Setting Specific and Measurable Boundaries

 

✅Boundaries should be concrete and clear, not abstract.

 

- Identify Key Areas: Determine which areas of your life are most affected by your parents' controlling behavior (e.g., career choices, romantic relationships, finances, lifestyle, personal decisions).

- Define Boundaries Clearly: State exactly what is allowed and not allowed.

- Example:

- Relationships: "I will tell you about my boyfriend, but the decision to marry or not is entirely my right."

- Finances: "I appreciate your offer of financial assistance, but I will manage my own finances and will only ask for help if I really need it."

- Privacy: "I will not discuss personal details of my love life or work in public or with other relatives."

- Visits: "I'm happy for you to visit, but please call or let me know first before coming, so I can prepare."

- Communicate the Consequences (If Necessary): Calmly explain what the consequences will be if boundaries are violated, for example, "If you keep calling me repeatedly while I'm working, I may have to turn off my phone during work hours."

 

4. Consistency and Reinforcement of Boundaries

 

✅Setting boundaries is only the first step; maintaining them is the hardest part.

 

- Stand Firm on Your Decisions: Don't waver when your parents try to push or test the boundaries you have set. This is part of the process.

- Repeat Calmly: If a boundary is violated, repeat your boundary calmly and firmly. "As I said before, I'm not comfortable discussing this topic."

- Avoid Endless Arguments: If the conversation becomes a vicious cycle or an unproductive argument, you have the right to end the conversation politely. "I think we can continue this discussion later when we are both calmer."

 

5. Focus on Yourself and Emotional Well-being

 

✅You cannot control others, but you can control your own reactions and actions.

 

- Develop Internal Boundaries: Learn not to let your parents' comments or actions affect your self-esteem or decisions. Validate your own feelings.

- Prioritize Your Well-being: Protect your mental and emotional health. If a situation is too overwhelming, you have the right to distance yourself or limit interaction temporarily.

- Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with friends, partners, or other family members who support your independence and can provide a healthy perspective.

 

6. Seeking External Support

 

✅Don't hesitate to seek help if you feel overwhelmed.

 

- Counseling or Therapy: A therapist can provide effective strategies, help you process emotions, and practice assertive communication.

- Support Groups: Talking to others who have similar experiences can provide a sense of validation and new ideas.

 

7. Maintain Respect (But Don't Sacrifice Yourself)

 

✅It is important to distinguish between respecting parents as individuals and accepting their controlling behavior.

 

- Show Appreciation: Thank them for the positive things they do and the good intentions they may have. This can soften their hearts.

- Respect Differences of Opinion: You don't have to agree with them, but you can respect their right to have their own views, as long as they also respect your rights.

 

8. Prepare for Various Reactions

 

✅Your parents may not immediately accept your new boundaries.

 

- Anger or Disappointment: They may feel rejected or unappreciated.

- Guilt or Manipulation: They may try to make you feel guilty or use manipulative tactics to regain control.

- Sadness: They may feel sad because the relationship is changing.

 

✅Stay calm and firm. Remember that their reactions are about them, not about you. 

✅Building boundaries is a journey, not a single destination. With patience, consistency, and respectful communication, you can create a more balanced and healthy relationship with your parents, allowing you to grow as an individual while maintaining valuable family bonds.

How to Develop a Growth Mindset for Newly Changing Professionals

  Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "How to Develop a Growth Mindset for Newly Changing Professionals",  The reason I chose this topic is because many people don't know how to improve their progressive mindset into a professional one. Some people only focus on short-term results, so they are unable to develop a growth mindset. Developing a Growth Mindset is crucial for newly changing professionals, as it helps you view the transition, challenges, and learning curve as opportunities for development, rather than threats.

A growth mindset, a concept developed by psychologist Carol Dweck, is the belief that your abilities, intelligence, and skills can be developed through dedication, effort, and persistence.

Here are key strategies to develop a growth mindset during a professional transition:

1. Reframe Challenges and Setbacks

 * Embrace Uncertainty: View the unfamiliar aspects of your new role or industry not as roadblocks, but as exciting puzzles to solve and opportunities to learn and expand your capabilities.

 * Change Your Perspective on Failure: Instead of seeing a mistake or setback as proof of inadequacy (a fixed mindset trait), reframe it as feedback and a natural, necessary part of the learning process. Ask yourself: "What specifically can I learn from this experience?"

 * Use the Power of "Yet": Replace fixed-mindset self-talk like, "I'm not good at this," with "I'm not good at this yet." This simple word signals to your brain that improvement is possible with effort and time.

2. Prioritize Continuous Learning and Effort

 * Value Effort and Process Over Innate Talent: Recognize that putting in the hard work, practice, and deliberate effort is the engine of growth. Celebrate the process, persistence, and small steps of progress, not just the final outcome.

 * Actively Seek Learning Opportunities: Dedicate time for professional development. This could involve online courses, reading industry books/articles, seeking out a mentor, or volunteering for a project that forces you to acquire new skills.

 * Clarify Your Purpose: Connect your career change and the hard work it entails to your bigger "why." Keeping your long-term goals and values in mind provides motivation and resilience when things get tough.

3. Engage with Feedback and Others

 * Seek and Embrace Constructive Criticism: View feedback as a valuable tool for growth, not a personal attack. Actively ask for feedback from managers, colleagues, and mentors, and then create an actionable plan to implement their suggestions.

 * Find Growth-Minded Mentors/Peers: Surround yourself with people who inspire you, encourage continuous improvement, and model resilience. Learn from their successes and how they navigated their own challenges.

 * Be Inspired by Others' Success: See the achievements of colleagues or competitors not as a threat, but as proof of what is possible. Use their success as inspiration and look for lessons you can apply to your own journey.

4. Cultivate Resilience and Positive Self-Talk

 * Monitor Your Inner Dialogue: Become aware of negative or fixed-mindset self-talk (e.g., "I should have known that," or "This is too hard for me"). Actively replace these thoughts with positive, growth-oriented affirmations (e.g., "I can develop this skill with practice," or "This challenge will make me stronger").

 * Be Patient and Compassionate: Understand that a professional transition takes time, and growth is not linear. Be kind to yourself, acknowledge the difficulty of change, and celebrate the small wins along the way.

 * Develop Persistence (Grit): Commit to pushing through difficulties. A growth mindset thrives on the tenacity to stick to your goals, even when the path is not smooth.

What is the source of a person's confidence in his abilities?

 Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "What is the source of a person's confidence in his abilities?", The reason I chose this topic is because not everyone can recognize the source of their self-confidence, some of them try to do something tiring in order to gain self-confidence, In fact, self-confidence is not that simple, self-confidence arises when you are willing to serve yourself as best as possible as if you were serving other people. Confidence in one's abilities is a crucial foundation for achieving success and happiness in various aspects of life. Self-confidence is not something static or innate from birth, but rather something that develops over time through various experiences and interactions with the environment. The following is an in-depth explanation of the various sources that shape a person's confidence in their abilities:

 

1. Mastery Experiences:

- Definition: Mastery experiences are the most powerful and influential source of self-confidence. Every time a person successfully completes a task, overcomes a challenge, or achieves a goal, it provides concrete evidence that they have the ability to succeed in the future. These experiences build a deep sense of competence and self-belief.

- How it Works: When a person faces a difficult task and successfully overcomes it, their brain releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with feelings of pleasure and motivation. This dopamine strengthens the neural connections associated with the task, making them more likely to succeed in the future. In addition, mastery experiences also help a person develop the skills and knowledge necessary to succeed in similar tasks in the future.

- Examples:

- A student who successfully completes a complex science project may feel more confident in their ability to take advanced science courses.

- An employee who successfully leads a team to achieve sales targets may feel more confident in their ability to take on larger leadership roles.

- An athlete who successfully wins a race may feel more confident in their ability to compete at a higher level.

- Tips for Building Mastery Experiences:

- Set realistic goals: Start with small, achievable goals, then gradually increase the difficulty as your confidence grows.

- Focus on progress, not perfection: Don't be too hard on yourself if you make mistakes. Learn from your mistakes and keep striving to improve.

- Celebrate your successes: Take the time to celebrate every success you achieve, no matter how small. This will help you strengthen your belief in your abilities.

2. Vicarious Experiences/Modeling:

- Definition: Vicarious experiences, or learning through observation, are an important source of self-confidence, especially when a person does not have much direct experience in a particular field. Seeing others who are similar to ourselves successfully overcome challenges and achieve goals can increase our belief that we can do it too. This process is known as modeling or social learning.

- How it Works: When we see others succeed, we subconsciously compare ourselves to them. If we see that they have skills, abilities, and characteristics similar to our own, we tend to believe that we also have the potential to succeed. In addition, observation can also provide us with information about effective strategies and techniques for achieving specific goals.

- Examples:

- A student who sees a classmate who struggles with math eventually understand difficult concepts may feel more confident in their ability to learn math.

- A new employee who sees a successful colleague give an engaging presentation may feel more confident in their ability to speak in public.

- An athlete who sees another athlete with a similar body and abilities win a gold medal may feel more confident in their ability to compete at the highest level.

- Tips for Utilizing Observation:

- Find inspiring role models: Identify people who have achieved what you want to achieve and learn from their experiences.

- Pay attention to the strategies and techniques they use: Don't just focus on the end result, but also pay attention to how they achieved success.

- Imagine yourself succeeding: Visualize yourself overcoming challenges and achieving your goals. This will help you build your self-belief.

3. Verbal Persuasion:

- Definition: Verbal persuasion involves the use of words and positive feedback from others to increase a person's self-confidence. Receiving encouragement, praise, and belief from people we respect and trust can help us see ourselves in a more positive light and increase our belief in our abilities.

- How it Works: When someone gives us positive feedback, our brain releases oxytocin, a hormone associated with feelings of trust and social bonding. This oxytocin strengthens our relationship with that person and makes us more likely to trust their words. In addition, verbal persuasion can also help us change negative beliefs about ourselves and replace them with more positive beliefs.

- Examples:

- A student who receives praise from their teacher for a well-written essay may feel more confident in their writing abilities.

- An employee who receives positive feedback from their manager on their performance may feel more confident in their ability to take on greater responsibilities.

- An athlete who receives encouragement from their coach before a game may feel more confident in their ability to win.

- Tips for Utilizing Verbal Persuasion:

- Seek out supportive and positive people: Surround yourself with people who believe in you and will give you honest and constructive feedback.

- Accept compliments gracefully: Don't dismiss the compliments you receive. Acknowledge your accomplishments and thank the person who gave you the compliment.

- Use positive affirmations: Repeat positive statements about yourself regularly. This will help you change negative beliefs about yourself and replace them with more positive beliefs.

4. Emotional and Physiological States:

- Definition: Our emotional and physiological states can have a significant impact on our self-confidence. Feeling relaxed, calm, and energized can increase self-confidence, while feeling anxious, stressed, or tired can decrease it. Our physical and emotional states influence how we view our abilities and how we approach challenges.

- How it Works: When we feel anxious or stressed, our body releases the hormone cortisol, which can interfere with cognitive function and make us feel less confident. On the other hand, when we feel relaxed and calm, our body releases endorphins, which can improve our mood and make us feel more confident. In addition, our physical state can also affect our self-confidence. For example, feeling tired or sick can make us feel less able to cope with challenges.

- Examples:

- A student who feels anxious before an exam may feel less confident in their ability to recall information and answer questions correctly.

- An employee who feels stressed due to tight deadlines may feel less confident in their ability to complete their tasks on time.

- An athlete who feels tired before a game may feel less confident in their ability to perform well.

- Tips for Managing Emotional and Physiological States:

- Practice relaxation techniques: Learn how to manage stress and anxiety through relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga.

- Get enough sleep: Make sure you get enough sleep every night. Lack of sleep can disrupt your mood and cognitive function.

- Eat a healthy diet: Eating a healthy and balanced diet can help you maintain your energy levels and improve your mood.

- Exercise regularly: Exercise can help you reduce stress, improve your mood, and increase your self-confidence.

5. Knowledge and Skills:

- Definition: Having the knowledge and skills relevant to a particular task or situation is an important source of self-confidence. The more competent we are in a field, the more likely we are to feel confident in our ability to succeed. Knowledge and skills provide a solid foundation for self-belief.

- How it Works: When we have the knowledge and skills necessary to complete a task, we feel more prepared and able to overcome any challenges that may arise. Knowledge and skills also allow us to make better decisions and solve problems more effectively.

- Examples:

- A student who has studied the subject matter carefully may feel more confident in their ability to answer questions in class or on an exam.

- An employee who has received extensive training may feel more confident in their ability to perform their job well.

- An athlete who has trained for years may feel more confident in their ability to compete at the highest level.

- Tips for Improving Knowledge and Skills:

- Keep learning: Never stop learning and developing new skills.

- Look for opportunities to practice: The more you practice, the better you will become.

- Ask for feedback: Ask for feedback from others about your performance. This will help you identify areas where you need to improve.

6. Preparation:

- Definition: Thorough preparation is key to increasing confidence in facing any task or situation. When we take the time to prepare ourselves well, we tend to feel more ready and able to face any challenges that may arise. Preparation includes planning, gathering information, practicing, and anticipating potential problems.

- How it Works: Preparation helps us reduce uncertainty and increase our sense of control. When we know what to expect and have prepared ourselves to face it, we feel more confident in our ability to succeed.

- Examples:

- A student who has prepared well for a presentation may feel more confident in their ability to speak in front of the class.

- An employee who has prepared well for a meeting may feel more confident in their ability to contribute to the discussion and make appropriate decisions.

- An athlete who has prepared well for a match may feel more confident in their ability to perform well.

- Tips for Effective Preparation:

- Make a plan: Make a clear plan of what you need to do to prepare yourself.

- Gather information: Gather all relevant information about the task or situation you will be facing.

- Practice: Practice as much as possible until you feel comfortable and confident.

- Anticipate problems: Identify potential problems that may arise and create a plan to address them.

7. Self-Efficacy:

- Definition: Self-efficacy is a person's belief about their ability to succeed in a specific situation or complete a specific task. It is a deep belief that we have control over our lives and that we are capable of achieving our goals. Self-efficacy influences how we think, feel, and act.

- How it Works: People with high self-efficacy tend to be more persistent, more motivated, and more able to overcome challenges. They see difficulties as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than as threats.

- Examples:

- A student with high self-efficacy may be more likely to take a difficult course or pursue ambitious academic goals.

- An employee with high self-efficacy may be more likely to take risks and seek out new opportunities.

- An athlete with high self-efficacy may be more likely to train hard and compete at the highest level.

Tips for Building Self-Efficacy:

- Set challenging but achievable goals: Set goals that will push you to grow and develop, but make sure those goals are realistic and achievable.

- Focus on your strengths: Identify your strengths and talents and focus on developing those strengths.

- Learn from failure: Don't let failure make you give up. Use failure as an opportunity to learn and grow.

- Celebrate your successes: Take the time to celebrate every success you achieve, no matter how small.

8. Self-Esteem:

- Definition: Self-esteem is a feeling of self-worth and self-acceptance. When we feel good about ourselves, we tend to be more confident in our abilities. Healthy self-esteem allows us to accept ourselves as we are, with all our strengths and weaknesses.

- How it Works: People with high self-esteem tend to be more optimistic, happier, and more able to cope with stress. They believe that they deserve happiness and success, and they are more likely to take risks and pursue their goals.

- Examples:

- A student with high self-esteem may be more likely to participate in class and ask questions.

- An employee with high self-esteem may be more likely to offer new ideas and take on greater responsibilities.

- An athlete with high self-esteem may be more likely to perform well under pressure.

- Tips for Building Self-Esteem:

- Accept yourself as you are: Don't try to be someone else. Accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses.

- Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when you make mistakes or face difficulties.

- Focus on the positive: Focus on the positive things about yourself and your life.

- Surround yourself with positive people: Surround yourself with people who support and value you.

 

Conclusion:

 

Confidence in one's abilities is the result of a complex interaction between various factors, including mastery experiences, vicarious experiences, verbal persuasion, emotional and physiological states, knowledge and skills, preparation, self-efficacy, and self-esteem. By understanding these sources of self-confidence and taking steps to strengthen them, we can increase our own self-confidence and help others to do the same.

How to reduce my obsession when it makes me stuck in illusion

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to reduce my obsession when it makes me stuck in illusion", the reason I choose that topic many people become the victim of their obsession, Being a calm person in the midst of chaos in social behavior is very difficult, only people who have a conscience and a clear mind are able to overcome the feeling of obsession.  That's a really courageous and important goal. Dealing with an obsession can be incredibly distressing, and the desire to feel relieved is completely understandable.

It sounds like you're looking for ways to reduce the power your obsession has over you. The process of "rejecting" an obsession isn't usually a quick, one-time mental decision; it's a gradual process of re-training your brain to respond differently to the intrusive thoughts.

Here is a structured approach based on principles from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and related methods like exposure and response prevention (ERP), which are highly effective for managing obsessive thoughts.

1. Identify and Name the Obsession

Before you can reject it, you have to clearly define what you are fighting.

 * Write it Down: Clearly state what the obsession is. For example: "I am obsessed with constantly checking that the stove is off," or "I am obsessed with the fear that I will lose my job."

 * Acknowledge It's a Thought, Not a Reality: When the thought arises, immediately label it. Say to yourself (mentally or out loud), "This is an intrusive thought," or "This is my obsession talking." This simple act of labeling creates a small but critical distance between you and the thought. You are the observer, not the belief.

2. Reduce Your Engagement (The Core of Rejection)

Obsessions thrive on the attention you give them. The biggest relief comes from starving them of that attention.

 * The 3-Minute Rule: When the obsessive thought pops up, allow yourself exactly three minutes to think about it. After three minutes, immediately switch your attention to something else. Over time, try to reduce this to two minutes, then one.

 * The "So What?" Technique: The obsession often comes with a catastrophic "what if." Instead of arguing with the thought, ask yourself, "So what?"

   * Obsession: "What if I forgot to send that email and get in trouble?"

   * Response: "So what? I'll check my sent box later and deal with the consequences if I made a mistake, but I'm not going to dwell on it right now." This response accepts the possibility of the fear but refuses to feed the panic.

 * Delay Your Compulsion (Response Prevention): Obsessions are often paired with compulsions (behaviors you do for temporary relief, like checking, asking for reassurance, or mental rumination). The key to relief is blocking the compulsion. If your obsession makes you check the lock five times, try to check it only four times today, then three times tomorrow. This is where the true rejection happens—you reject the behavior that your brain thinks will bring relief.

3. Practice Mindful Disengagement

Mindfulness is a powerful tool because it teaches you to observe your thoughts without judgment or needing to act on them.

 * Mindful Non-Attachment: Imagine your thoughts are clouds passing in the sky. You see them, you acknowledge their shape (the thought content), but you don't get on the cloud and fly away with it. Let the thought drift by without analysis, judgment, or active rejection.

 * Anchor Yourself to the Present: When the obsessive thought starts, immediately bring your focus to a physical sensation in the present moment:

   * Feel your feet on the floor.

   * Notice five things you can see, four things you can feel, and three things you can hear (a simple grounding exercise).

   * Focus entirely on a simple task you are doing, like washing dishes or listening to a song.

4. Seek Professional Support

If this obsession is significantly interfering with your daily life, relationships, or ability to function, it's highly recommended to seek professional help. You don't have to manage this alone.

 * Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) / Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): These are the gold-standard treatments. A therapist can guide you through the process of gradually facing your fears (exposure) while actively preventing the behaviors that give the obsession power (response prevention). This guided approach is often the fastest and most effective path to lasting relief.

 * Find a Therapist: Look for a therapist who specializes in anxiety, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (even if your obsession isn't formal OCD, the treatments often overlap), or intrusive thoughts.

Rejection, in this context, means choosing a different path—a path of acceptance that the thought is there, but a path of refusal to engage with it. It takes patience and consistent practice, but it absolutely leads to relief.

Why Is It So Hard to Forgive Yourself After Failure? A Psychological Explanation

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Why Is It So Hard to Forgive Yourself After Failure? ",  The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people experience this kind of attitude when they are oppressed by circumstances that they are not ready to accept. The difficulty of forgiving oneself after failure is a profound psychological phenomenon, often triggered by excessive internal criticism and shame. The healing process can be significantly aided through the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) approach.

 

Several key psychological barriers make the act of self-forgiveness very difficult after experiencing failure or making a mistake:

 

1. Perfectionism and Unrealistic High Standards

For perfectionistic individuals, any failure is seen as evidence that they are "not good enough" or "incompetent." They set almost impossible standards and see mistakes as a major personal failure, rather than as a result of a situation or learning opportunity. Their internal self-critic becomes very harsh, turning small mistakes into lifelong punishments.

2. Shame vs. Guilt

This is a key distinction: 

- Guilt: Focuses on behavior—"I did something bad." Healthy guilt can motivate to correct mistakes (reparation) and change.

- Shame: Focuses on the self—"I am a bad person." Shame destroys self-esteem and causes individuals to hide or withdraw, preventing them from constructively processing failure and forgiving themselves.

 

3. Ruminating on Mistakes

People who find it difficult to forgive themselves often ruminate on failure scenarios in their minds repeatedly. It's like a "broken record" that keeps playing pain, regret, and criticism. Instead of learning from the past, they get stuck in it.

4. Psychological Inflexibility

This is a key concept in ACT. Psychological inflexibility occurs when someone is too attached to their negative thoughts, feelings, and inner experiences that they cannot act according to their life values. They try to avoid or suppress feelings of guilt/shame, but these avoidance efforts actually reinforce suffering.

 

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for Recovery

 

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a third-wave cognitive behavioral approach that is very effective in helping someone forgive themselves after failure. The goal of ACT is not to eliminate pain or negative thoughts, but to increase psychological flexibility—the ability to accept difficult inner experiences while taking actions that are aligned with personal values.

 

Here are ACT steps that are relevant to self-forgiveness:

 

1. Acceptance and Cognitive Defusion

- Acceptance: Instead of fighting or suppressing feelings of guilt, shame, or regret, you are trained to accept that these feelings and thoughts are an inevitable part of the human experience after failure. Acceptance means "being willing to have" these feelings without letting them dictate your actions.

- Cognitive Defusion: Separating yourself from thoughts. You learn to see critical thoughts ("I'm a loser," "I always fail") as just words or mental activity, not as absolute truths. Example technique: changing the sentence "I am a total failure" to "I realize that I have the thought that I am a total failure."

 

2. Being Present

ACT trains you to be fully present in the current moment, breaking the chain of rumination about past failures. By focusing on what is happening now, you reduce the power of the past's grip on your current behavior.

3. Determining Values

You identify core values that are important to you (e.g., being brave, compassionate, or persistent), regardless of past failures. Failure cannot change your values.

4. Committed Action

After accepting the pain (Acceptance) and identifying what is important (Values), the final step is to take small and concrete actions that are aligned with your values.

 

- Self-Forgiveness as Action: Self-forgiveness is defined as restorative action that is consistent with values, not just a feeling. This can include apologizing, learning from mistakes in a real way, and using energy previously wasted on self-blame into energy to build a better future. In essence, ACT helps you see that failure is an event, while your values are a compass; you can choose to move towards that compass, even when your thoughts and feelings hurt.

The Impact of Childhood Trauma (ACEs) on Adult Relationships and Recovery Steps

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic., that is "The Impact of Childhood Trauma (ACEs) on Adult Relationships and Recovery Steps", The main reason why I chose this topic is because many small children have trauma due to parental negligence in educating their children. From my observations regarding the traumatic experiences of young children, the average first response that young children express to their parents is indifference towards themselves. This is very confusing for many parents, especially parents who only rely on money as a final solution, Many parents are not aware that a child's indifference towards the role of parents is a form of distrust.  Certainly, childhood trauma or Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) can have a significant and profound impact on a person's interpersonal relationship patterns and intimacy in adulthood. ACEs encompass various traumatic events such as physical, emotional, sexual abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction (e.g., parents with addiction or mental illness).

 

Here is an explanation of the impact of ACEs on adult relationships and important steps in the recovery process.

 

1. Impact of Childhood Trauma (ACEs) on Adult Relationships

 

Trauma experienced in childhood often disrupts the development of secure attachment patterns, which ultimately affects how a person interacts, trusts, and feels safe in romantic relationships in adulthood.

 

A. Insecure Attachment Patterns

 

ACEs often result in one of three insecure attachment patterns:

 

*   Anxious-Preoccupied: A person becomes overly dependent, constantly seeking reassurance and validation from their partner, and fearing abandonment anxiety.

*   Avoidant-Dismissing: A person tends to avoid emotional closeness and intimacy. They may appear overly independent and withdraw when the relationship starts to get serious.

*   Fearful-Avoidant/Disorganized: A combination of anxiety and avoidance. This person desires closeness but fears intimacy, often withdrawing due to feeling insecure or afraid of being hurt.

 

B. Difficulties in Intimacy and Trust

 

*   Basic Distrust: Experiences of being betrayed or neglected by caregivers make it difficult for trauma survivors to build trust in others. They tend to be suspicious and wait for the relationship to "end" or "hurt."

*   Emotional Dysregulation Issues: Trauma disrupts the brain's ability to regulate emotions. This can manifest as:

*   Hyperarousal: Overreaction to small triggers, such as outbursts of anger, excessive anxiety, or easily panicking in conflicts.

*   Hypoarousal (Dissociation/Numbing): Emotionally withdrawing or numbing (dissociation) when feeling stressed, making it difficult to establish genuine intimacy.

*   Low Self-Esteem: ACEs victims often feel worthless or unworthy of being loved. This causes them to:

*   Accept unhealthy relationships (toxic relationship) because they feel that is what they deserve.

*   Seek excessive validation from their partner.

*   Repetition of Trauma Patterns: Unknowingly, someone who has experienced ACEs may tend to choose partners who have behavioral patterns similar to traumatic figures in childhood (e.g., a partner who is controlling or emotionally unstable), a phenomenon known as trauma re-enactment.

 

2. Recovery Steps for Healthy Relationships

 

Recovery from trauma is a journey that requires commitment, patience, and support. The goal is to build secure attachment with oneself and others.

 

A. Getting Professional Help (Therapy)

 

This is the most crucial step. Therapy helps process and heal old wounds.

 

*   Trauma-Informed Therapy: Look for a therapist who specializes in trauma (e.g., using approaches such as EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, or Dialectical Behavior Therapy/DBT).

*   Recognizing Triggers: Therapists can help identify specific triggers in relationships that activate old trauma responses.

*   Couples Therapy (if already in a relationship): If you and your partner are both committed, couples therapy can help you understand how each other's trauma affects the dynamics of the relationship.

 

B. Focus on Self-Healing (Self-Love and Self-Care)

 

Healthy relationships start with a healthy relationship with oneself.

 

*   Recognize and Accept Trauma: Acknowledge that trauma has occurred and accept that it is not your fault. This recognition paves the way for healing.

*   Emotion Regulation: Learn and practice techniques to calm your nervous system, such as mindfulness, breathing techniques (grounding), or yoga. This helps you respond, not react, when triggered.

*   Self-Love: Prioritize self-care and develop a positive narrative about yourself. Practice self-compassion when you make mistakes.

 

C. Building Safe Relationships

 

Healthy relationship patterns need to be learned and practiced.

 

*   Creating Healthy Boundaries: Set clear and firm physical and emotional boundaries in relationships. Boundaries create a sense of safety and respect.

*   Open and Honest Communication: Practice assertive communication. Express your needs, feelings, and boundaries honestly but respectfully, without blaming your partner.

*   Choosing a Safe Partner: Look for a partner who demonstrates consistency, empathy, and the ability to take responsibility for their actions. Avoid partners who are manipulative, unstable, or do not respect your boundaries.

*   Building Trust Gradually: Trust must be built through consistency and keeping promises (both promises to yourself and your partner). Learn to accept vulnerability gradually in a safe environment.