Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Why understand others feeling is difficult?", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people feel headache when it comes to people's feeling, besides that, this topic will help us how to minimize the conflict between one person to another, let me reminds you that understanding another person's feelings isn't just about hearing their words, but we have to translate someone's inner experience through language, expressions, behavior, and context—all while seeing it from our own perspective, If I ask you why understanding other people's feelings is difficult because everyone has an ego and they also have different levels of happiness, To minimize conflict due to not understanding other people's feelings, we should offer something that is beneficial to them rather than seeking profit from them.
In human relationships, there are several key reasons:
1. We see others through our own experiences
When someone says, "I'm disappointed," we often immediately imagine what we're disappointed about.
However, the source of the disappointment may be completely different.
For example:
"You rarely contact me."
We might interpret that as demanding or possessive. But to the other person, it might actually mean:
"I want to feel that I'm important to you."
So, what's difficult to understand isn't just the emotion, but the meaning behind it.
2. Empathy Doesn't Equal Shared Experience
We often think:
"I've been through something like that, so I know how it feels."
Not necessarily...
Two people can experience the same event but feel differently because their life histories, needs, traumas, values, and expectations differ.
Therefore, mature empathy isn't:
"I know exactly how you feel."
But rather:
"I may not fully understand your experience, but I want to understand how you experience it."
3. Humans often hide their true emotions.
Overt feelings aren't necessarily true feelings.
Anger can hide fear.
Silence can hide disappointment.
Criticism can hide a need for appreciation.
Aloofness can hide a fear of rejection.
This is why relationship conflicts often become complicated. We react to overt behavior, while the emotional roots lie beneath the surface.
4. Ego keeps us more preoccupied with defending than understanding.
In conflict, our brains easily switch to:
"Was I wrong?"
"Who's right?"
"Why is he blaming me?"
As a result, we listen not to understand, but to find weaknesses in their arguments and defend our position.
However, understanding someone doesn't always mean agreeing with them.
We might say:
“I don’t agree with your approach, but now I understand why you feel that way.”
That’s a more mature form of empathy.
5. We often listen to words, not needs.
In many relationships, the emotional message is actually behind the sentence.
“It’s up to you.”
It might mean: “I feel like my opinion doesn’t matter.”
“I don’t need anyone.”
It might mean: “I was too disappointed when I depended on others.”
“You’ve changed.”
It might mean: “I feel like I’ve lost the closeness we used to have.”
Of course, we shouldn’t immediately assume these interpretations are correct. We need to ask questions.
“When you say that, what do you really feel?”
Simple questions like this are often far more effective than giving advice.
There’s an interesting paradox in human relationships.
The closer we get to someone, the easier it is to feel like we already know them.
And when we feel like we already know them, we stop asking questions.
We start making assumptions:
“I knew he would be like this.”
“He’s just like that.”
“I already know what he’s thinking.”
That’s where our understanding of others can begin to decline.
Because humans aren’t things we can understand once and for all. Human feelings change according to experiences, situations, and life stages.
Perhaps that’s why healthy relationships require two skills at once: knowing someone, but still leaving room for them to rediscover who they are.
And I believe this is one of the essential foundations of human relationships: not trying to read another person’s mind, but creating a space where they feel safe sharing what’s on their mind.