Eliminate attachment to money and material things

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Eliminate attachment to money and material things", the main reason why i chose this topic is because many people are stuck in a phase of the worshippers of worldly pleasures, Letting go of material attachments is a journey that involves striking a balance between spirituality and psychological maturity. In psychology, excessive attachment is often seen as a compensatory mechanism to fulfil unmet emotional needs, Many of us think that emotional needs are the same as desires, but that is not true. Remember this : Desire does not offer peace, it offers recklessness, rush and pushover, whereas emotional needs offer awareness, calm and courage in executing a decision.

Here is an overview from a psychological perspective and practical steps to address it:

1. Psychological Perspective: Material Possessions as ‘Object Attachment’

Psychologically, the desire to cling to material possessions can be explained through several concepts:

 Self-Extension Theory: People tend to view their possessions as an extension of their self-identity. Losing material possessions is perceived as losing ‘a part of oneself’.

 Symbolic Completion: People often seek material possessions to compensate for feelings of insecurity. If someone feels socially or emotionally lacking, they use money and luxury goods to feel “complete” or valuable.

 Hedonic Treadmill: The human tendency to quickly return to a baseline level of happiness after achieving something. This leads us to constantly chase new material possessions because the satisfaction from old items fades quickly.

2. How to Overcome Attachment (Psychological & Practical Perspectives)

A. Practise a Minimalist Mindset

Minimalism isn’t just about getting rid of things, but realising that your worth isn’t determined by what you own. Try to distinguish between “wants” and “needs”.

B. Cognitive Reframing (Shifting Focus)

Change your perspective on money. Instead of viewing money as a goal or an identity, see it as a tool or instrument for worship and spreading benefit. When money is merely a tool in your hands (not in your heart), you will find it easier to let go of it.

C. Practising Gradual Letting Go (Giving)

Psychologically, giving (charity/donations) is the best therapy for breaking attachment. When you give, you are training your brain to understand that “I am still fine even if these material possessions diminish.”

D. Awareness of Impermanence (Impermanence)

In existential psychology, realising that everything is temporary helps a person not to become too attached. Focus on experiences and human relationships, which provide deeper and more lasting satisfaction than inanimate objects.

3. Steps Towards Emotional Self-Sufficiency

To reduce dependence on material possessions, you need to strengthen your ‘inner self’ (as in the question you asked earlier):

 1. Internal Validation: Find self-confidence in your character, skills, and integrity, not in clothing brands or bank balances.

 2. Gratitude: Positive psychology shows that practising gratitude regularly reduces the urge to consume excessively.

 3. Mindfulness: Be aware of the moment when a strong urge to possess something arises. Ask yourself: "Will this object fulfil my soul, or merely my ego?"

> "Money and material possessions are good servants, but bad masters."

>

Here is the advice: When your inner self is in harmony and stable, you can still possess great wealth, yet that wealth no longer possesses (controls) you, To align the heart and sense of stability, we need to increase self-confidence by proving the existence of our service and benefits.

Humans have to sort out what is inside them before their soulmate comes to them

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Humans have to sort out what is inside them before their soulmate comes to them". The main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone realizes about self preparation, from the Psychology perception, self preparation means conveying a message about self-improvement and the law of attraction. Essentially, before rushing out to find a partner, focus on ‘coming home’ to yourself and sorting out what’s still in disarray, Fixing what is inside oneself is very difficult because a person must feel that he is "wrong and feel stupid" first in order to overcome his ego, Without knowing where the ego is, humans will not want to improve themselves, If we want something without preparing the ability to execute a decision, then we only attract things that are troublesome, remember : we don’t attract what we want; we attract who we are, it's meaning, > “what we know and what we don't know will also attract itself to come to our capacity, that's where we will be faced with an astonishing event, what we know will attract problem and what we don't know will attract wisdom”

Here is a more in-depth analysis of its meaning:

1. “Sort Out What’s Inside You First”

This is the most crucial part. “Sorting yourself out” doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, but rather achieving a state of emotional stability. Things that usually need sorting out include:

 Past Wounds: Healing trauma from previous relationships so you don’t carry old “baggage” into a new relationship.

 Making Peace with Yourself: Loving yourself so that you don’t seek a partner merely to fill a void or make up for a sense of inadequacy.

 Character Maturity: Improving bad habits, communication styles, and managing your ego.

2. "Your Soulmate Will Give You Signs"

There is a belief that like attracts like. When you are in harmony with yourself (have ‘sorted yourself out’), your ‘radar’ for finding a partner will become clearer.

Sharp Intuition: When your mind is at peace, you’ll find it easier to recognise who is genuine and who is merely passing through.

Mental Readiness: You’ll become more attuned to opportunities or encounters you might previously have missed because you were too caught up in your own internal drama.

Why Is This Concept Popular?

The logic is simple: We don’t attract what we want; we attract who we are. > “If we’re still a mess, there’s a high chance we’ll attract someone who’s just as much of a mess—or end up trapped in a toxic relationship.”

In conclusion: This statement encourages you to be patient and to treat your single years as the best time to invest in the quality of your soul. When your ‘vessel’ is ready and clean, quality ‘content’ will come naturally in ways that are often unexpected.

How to understand the concept of sustenance and how to manage it

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to understand the concept of sustenance and how to manage it", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone is aware how to use sustenance I'm the right purpose, There are some people who prioritize other people's interests over prioritizing their own needs, that is not the right way, The meaning of sustenance is facilities that are given for free, for that reason, use sustenance to prioritize yourself and then the interests of others, so, don't let yourself lacking from something you deserve it, From the perspective of the Sunnah of Islamic rule, the concept of ‘charity for oneself’ does indeed exist and has a strong foundation. This is often understood as prioritising one’s own livelihood and the fulfilment of personal needs before helping others.

The following are the textual evidence and their explanations:

1. Hadith narrated by Muslim (Priority of Livelihood)

There is a hadith that explicitly sets out the order of priority in spending one’s wealth. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

> “Begin with yourself; give charity for yourself. If there is any surplus, then for your family. If there is any surplus again, then for your relatives. If there is any surplus again, then for such and such (others)…” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 997)

The meaning: Islam is a realistic religion. A person is not advised to give all their wealth to others whilst they themselves are starving or living in destitution. Meeting one’s own needs so as not to have to beg from others is considered charity and a righteous deed.

2. The Most Meritorious Charity (Afdhal)

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ also explained that the best charity is that given whilst one’s financial situation is still stable (not when one is already destitute).

> “The most excellent charity is that given from one’s surplus wealth. And begin with those who are your dependants.” (HR. Bukhari no. 1426)

In this context, ‘oneself’ and ‘immediate family’ are the first to be included in the list of dependants. Ensuring one’s own well-being so as to remain strong in worship and work is a form of investment for the Hereafter.

3. Qur’anic Verses on Balance

This principle is also supported by the Qur’an so that we do not give in excess to the point of causing hardship upon ourselves:

> “And do not make your hand tied to your neck (being stingy), nor stretch it out too far (being overly wasteful or charitable without consideration), lest you become blameworthy and regretful.” (QS. Al-Isra: 29)

Why Should You Prioritise Yourself?

 1. Preserving Dignity (Iffah): So that you do not become a burden to others or society.

 2. Strength for Worship: A body well-nourished and a calm mind, with basic needs met, will be better able to perform acts of obedience (prayer, fasting, work).

 3. Peace of Mind: Meeting one’s own needs helps alleviate anxiety, so that you can give to others more sincerely in the future.

Important Note

Although oneself is a priority, ‘charity for oneself’ here refers to the fulfilment of basic needs and health, not the gratification of desires or an excessively luxurious lifestyle.

Only after one’s own needs and those of one’s immediate family (children/spouse) have been met should the door to charity towards others be opened wide to bring about greater blessings.

Hopefully this article can give you an insight how to improve your career, good luck.

Is there a limit to the addictive taste that attacks human capacity?

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Is there a limit to the addictive taste that attacks human capacity?" The main reason I chose that topic is because not everyone can overcome their addiction, We as humans do not need to be afraid when we are addicted to something interesting, our job is simply to direct our minds to focus on something more interesting than our expectations, In my personal opinion, what we need besides giving direction to our thoughts, we need to improve our intentions, Please note, if our intentions are in harmony with the basic laws of the universe, we will not be disappointed by the final result, let's continue discussing the feeling of addiction, when viewed from a different perspective, addiction is often seen as a vicious circle, but in psychology and neuroscience, this phenomenon has mechanical and cyclical limits that can be understood for intervention.

Below is an explanation of the limits and cycles of quitting addiction from a psychological point of view:

1. Biological Limitations: Tolerance and Saturation Points

Biologically, the brain has a homeostasis mechanism—a tendency to remain stable. When a person is exposed to a substance or opium activity continuously, the brain adapts:

 Tolerance: The brain lowers the sensitivity of dopamine receptors due to excessive "flooding" of pleasure. As a result, you need a higher dose just to feel "normal".

 Anhedonia: This is a limitation where once pleasant activities no longer provide happiness. At this point, addicts often no longer pursue fun (high), but only avoid suffering (sake/withdrawal).

2. Cycle of Change (The Stages of Change)

In clinical psychology, the Prochaska & DiClemente model explains that quitting addiction is not an instant event, but a cycle:

 1. Pre-contemplation: No intention to quit yet; no problem yet.

 2. Contemplation: Starting to realize negative impact but still hesitating to let go.

 3. Preparation: Create small plans (e.g. seeking professional help or avoiding triggers).

 4. Action: The real step stops completely or reduces the duration of the opium activity.

 5. Maintenance: Maintaining a new lifestyle and preventing recurrence.

3. "The Rock Bottom" and Psychological Boundaries

Often, the stopping limit is determined by the conditions Rock Bottom (lowest point). Psychologically, a person tends to quit when they (financial loss, relationship breakdown, health deterioration) is much greater than the (momentary pleasure) obtained from the opium.

4. Recovery Mechanisms: Neuroplasticity

The good news is, the human brain has the property of neuroplasticity. That is, the drug limit can be broken by retraining the neural pathways:

 Emotional detoxification: Identifies the inner wounds or stress at the root of addiction.

 Positive Substitution: Replaces instant dopamine surges with activities that provide long-term satisfaction (such as sports or creative hobbies).

 Cognitive Restructuring: Changing the automatic mindset that triggers the desire to return to addictive behavior.

Conclusion

Psychologically, addiction can stop, but rarely stop automatically without conscious intervention. The limitation lies in the willingness to deal with discomfort during the transition, where the brain is "calibrating" its dopamine levels to a healthy balance.

What is the role of emotional disinhibition in the family sphere

    Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "What is the role of emotional disinhibition in the family sphere?, the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone can hold their emotional release safely when they show their anger to their family, In psychology, emotional disinhibition refers to a condition in which a person loses the ability to regulate or restrain their emotional responses. Now Imagine a car with faulty brakes; the driver sees an obstacle but cannot stop the vehicle.

Broadly speaking, psychological perspectives on this phenomenon are divided into several main dimensions:

1. Neuropsychological Perspective (Damage to the Brain’s ‘Brakes’)

From a biological perspective, emotional disinhibition is often linked to the function of the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for executive function, self-control, and decision-making.

Limbic System vs. Prefrontal: The limbic system triggers raw emotions (anger, fear, joy). Under normal conditions, the prefrontal cortex filters these emotions before they are expressed.

 Medical Causes: This disinhibition often occurs in individuals with traumatic brain injury, dementia (particularly Frontotemporal Dementia), or neurodivergent conditions such as ADHD, where the brain’s natural ‘filter’ does not function optimally.

2. A Developmental Psychology Perspective

In human development, disinhibition is the ‘default’ state in toddlers. Young children do not yet possess mature neural circuits to delay gratification or conceal frustration.

 Regulatory Failure: If an adult exhibits disinhibition without brain damage, developmental psychology suggests a possible failure to learn emotional regulation strategies during childhood or exposure to chronic stress that has worn down the mental defence system.

3. Forms of Emotional Manifestation

Psychology categorises these manifestations of disinhibition into several observable behaviours:

 Impulsivity: Acting without considering the consequences (e.g., impulsive shopping when feeling excessively happy).

 Emotional Lability: Rapid and drastic mood swings (suddenly crying then laughing).

 Verbal/Physical Aggression: Outbursts of anger disproportionate to the trigger.

 Over-sharing: Revealing highly intimate personal details to strangers without feeling any social boundaries.

4. The Online Disinhibition Effect

In modern psychology (Cyberpsychology), the term ‘Online Disinhibition Effect’ is recognised. This phenomenon explains why people tend to be bolder, more rude, or more emotional on social media than in the real world. This is triggered by:

Anonymity: Feeling that one’s identity is hidden.

Invisibility: Not being face-to-face.

Asynchrony: Communication that does not occur in real-time provides a false sense of security from social consequences.

5. Therapeutic Approaches

Clinical psychology addresses emotional disinhibition through several methods focused on rebuilding the mental ‘braking system’:

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT): Highly effective for training distress tolerance and emotion regulation.

 Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Helps individuals recognise the gap between triggers (stimuli) and responses, giving them time to think before reacting.

 Mindfulness: Training awareness so that individuals can observe their emotions without immediately acting on them.

Philosophically, this phenomenon reminds us of the Stoic concept of prohairesis (free will), where human strength actually lies in the ability to create a pause between sensory impressions and the actions taken.

Human limitations on space are beyond human control

    Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Human limitations on space are beyond human control", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people try to control beyond their space control,  This actually drains human energy if we continue to force our own limits to execute a decision where it is beyond control, In psychology and philosophy (particularly Stoicism, which interests you), an understanding of the limits of human control is the foundation of inner peace and effective action. This view is often referred to as the Dichotomy of Control.

Psychologically, understanding these limits does not mean adopting a passive attitude or giving up, but rather about allocating cognitive and emotional energy appropriately to avoid mental exhaustion (burnout).

1. The Limits of Control (Circle of Influence)

In practical terms, human control is divided into two main areas:

 The Area Within Control (Internal):

   Mental Processes: Your thoughts, judgements, and perceptions of an event.

   Will: The decisions you make to act or refrain from acting.

   Values: The life principles, character, and personal integrity you uphold.

   Emotional Response: How you process your emotions after an event occurs.

 Areas Beyond Control (External):

   Outcomes: Project success, others’ appreciation, or financial gain.

   Others’ Actions: People’s opinions, a partner’s behaviour, or company policies.

   The Past and the Future: Events that have already happened or the uncertainty of tomorrow.

   Environmental Conditions: Weather, traffic congestion, or unforeseen disasters.

2. Psychological Perspectives on the Limits of Control

Modern psychology, particularly within the fields of Cognitive Psychology and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), views issues of control through several lenses:

A. Locus of Control (Locus of Control)

Julian Rotter developed the Locus of Control theory to explain how people perceive the source of control in their lives:

Internal Locus of Control: A person believes that success or failure is the result of their own actions. This correlates with higher motivation, but if taken to extremes, it can lead to unnecessary guilt when events occur beyond one’s control.

 External Locus of Control: A person feels their life is controlled by fate, luck, or others. This often triggers a sense of helplessness (learned helplessness).

Ideal perspective: Healthy psychology encourages a moderate Internal Locus of Control, where individuals are aware of their responsibilities yet accept the limitations of external reality.

B. Learned Helplessness (Learned Helplessness)

When someone continually tries to control things beyond their control (such as changing another person’s character or forcing a successful outcome), they experience learned helplessness. A person stops trying because they feel their efforts yield no results. Understanding the limits of control is the primary way to break this cycle.

C. Cognitive Reframing (Reframing)

In psychotherapy, this technique is used to shift the patient’s focus. For example, rather than trying to control whether someone likes us (external), we shift the focus to how we act with courtesy and integrity (internal). Control shifts from the goal to the process.

3. Integration into Your Professional Life

As a psychotherapist with an engineering background and an interest in Stoicism, you may find that this concept resembles control systems in engineering:

In engineering, you manage inputs to produce outputs. However, in human psychology, outputs (behaviour or outcomes) are always influenced by unpredictable variables (‘noise’ or ‘interference’).

 If you force an unstable system (by attempting to exert full control over external factors), your psychological system will crash or overheat.

Conclusion:

A loss of self-identity often stems from a strenuous effort to control external factors (material possessions, status, recognition) that are actually beyond our control. When those external factors are lost, we feel shattered because our ‘sphere of control’ has become fused with them.

By reclaiming your control space through your core values and the processes you undertake, you build a stronger psychological defence against the turbulence of the outside world.

As you embark on your new career as a coordinator in the industrial sector, where you will interact more frequently with complex external variables

Humans should not focus on certain objects, places or people to avoid feelings of attachment

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Humans should not focus on certain objects, places or people to avoid feelings of attachment.", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people are too obsessed with the things that can't be controlled, in that circumstances will inflict overthinking issue for longer period, I personally do not recommend you to focus on something that cannot be completely controlled, in Modern psychological perspectives, particularly within the fields of Cognitive Psychology and Behavioural Psychology, it offers deeper thinking process, when the topic touching on the inner realm, but the topic above indirectly guides us not to follow our desires, but to surrender to fate, Although Haanel’s statement is steeped in the philosophy of New Thought and metaphysics, its underlying principles can be explained through the scientific mechanisms of the human mind.

The following is an overview from a psychological perspective:

1. Locus of Control (Internal vs. External Control)

The statement “external circumstances are merely effects” aligns closely with the concept of Internal Locus of Control.

 Analysis: Individuals who believe they have control over their own actions and thoughts tend to be more resilient and proactive.

 Psychological Implications: When you stop focusing your energy on uncontrollable external variables (such as other people’s behaviour or a specific location), you redirect your mental resources towards what you can control: your responses, attitudes, and self-efficacy. This directly reduces anxiety and boosts self-efficacy.

2. Selective Attention and Confirmation Bias

Why does focusing on “goals” rather than “objects/people” 

Have a psychological basis?

 Reticular Activating System (RAS): This is the part of the brain that filters the millions of pieces of information entering our senses. When you set an "aspiration" (a clear mental goal), you are indirectly instructing the RAS to be more attuned to information, opportunities, or people relevant to that goal.

 Confirmation Bias: Once the mind is focused on an aspiration (ideal), the brain tends to seek evidence that supports that belief. Thus, the outside world seems to "change" not because of mystical factors, but because you begin to notice opportunities that your brain previously overlooked.

3. Cognitive Reframing and Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

The statement that "the cause is a mental state" is at the heart of Cognitive Theory.

 Concept: Human emotions and behaviour are not directly determined by events (objects/places/people), but rather by our interpretation or cognitive schemas of those events.

 Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: If your mental state is focused on "aspirations" (positive beliefs), you will behave consistently with those goals. This behaviour then triggers reactions from the social environment that often validate your initial beliefs.

Critical Notes from Psychology

Although this principle has a strong foundation in personal development, modern psychology offers an important caveat:

 The Risk of Magical Thinking: Psychology warns against mental focus turning into "magical thinking" (believing that merely thinking about aspirations will make things appear instantly without concrete action). Aspirations must be followed by behavioural execution

Ignoring External Reality: Psychology also emphasises that completely ignoring others or the environment can be harmful. We are social beings. Mental health often depends on the quality of our interpersonal relationships and our adaptation to environmental realities.

Conclusion

Psychologically, this statement is a form of cognitive focus training. By shifting focus from unpredictable external variables to manageable “mental states”, you create a stable foundation for more effective decision-making and action.

In clinical practice, this is similar to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) techniques, where we train clients to change their thought patterns (cognitions) so that their emotions and the outcomes of their actions in the real world become healthier and more purposeful.

To what extent do humans recognize their own limitations?

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "To what extent do humans recognize their own limitations?", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone can recognize their limitations,  So they try to break through those limits until they are in a phase of destruction, for your information that understanding one’s own limitations and the concept of ‘coming to terms with oneself’ are two key pillars of character development and mental health. The two are closely intertwined in determining how a person responds to life’s challenges.

Here is an in-depth analysis of these two aspects:

1. To What Extent Can Humans Know Their Limits?

Knowing one’s limits is not an end point, but a dynamic process. People typically recognise their limits through three main filters:

 * The Failure Filter (Limits of Ability): We often only realise our limits when we hit them. Failure provides honest data on where our physical, cognitive, or emotional capacities currently end.

 * The Introspection Filter (Limits of Awareness): This involves awareness of one’s values, energy levels, and mental capacity. Someone with high self-awareness knows when to say “no” before experiencing extreme exhaustion (burnout).

 * The Uncertainty Filter (Limits of Potential): Uniquely, human limits are elastic. What is your limit today may not be your limit next year. People often do not know their maximum limit until they are pushed by an emergency situation or consistent training.

Philosophically, human limits lie in the acceptance of things that cannot be controlled. Knowing one’s limits means understanding the difference between what can be changed (effort, attitude) and what must be accepted (fate, the actions of others).

2. What Does “Not Yet Done with Oneself” Mean?

The term “not yet done with oneself” usually refers to a state where a person is still trapped in internal conflict, past wounds, or an unprocessed ego, If someone can't escape from the pain, then the wound will transform into a bad character and hurt the feelings of those closest to him, the meaning of the statement that they “cannot move on to more difficult life tests” is as follows:

 * A Fragile Foundation: Life will continue to present tests of increasing scale (family responsibilities, career, leadership). If a person is still grappling with acute self-doubt, a craving for validation, or unresolved trauma, this internal burden will become an “additional weight”. When external challenges arise, they will collapse not because the challenge is too heavy, but because their internal foundation is unstable.

 * Projection of Conflict: People who have not resolved their inner issues tend to project internal problems onto the outside world. For example, if someone has not resolved their feelings of envy, they will view challenges at work not as learning opportunities, but as threats from others. This turns what should be a simple challenge into a highly complex one.

 * Decision-Making Capacity: Difficult life tests require clarity of thought. If the mind is still filled with the ‘noise’ of the past or unresolved self-doubt, a person will find it difficult to make objective and wise decisions.

Conclusion

"Coming to terms with oneself" does not mean becoming perfect or flawless. It means you have recognised, accepted, and made peace with all the dark and light sides within yourself.

When you have come to terms with yourself, you no longer fight against your own shadows whilst battling on the battlefield of life. Your energy remains intact to face the trials ahead, rather than being drained by internal conflicts. 

Why do uncomfortable feelings arise even though we don't do anything

 

 

    Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Why do uncomfortable feelings arise even though we don't do anything", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people don't know how to detect the uneasy feeling when they do nothing useful, That uneasy feeling that arises for no apparent reason—often referred to as free-floating anxiety or simply a sense of unease—can indeed be incredibly draining. As someone working in the field of psychotherapy, you will no doubt understand that sometimes our minds register things that our conscious mind does not immediately pick up on, From what I have observed, the feeling of discomfort arises because our subconscious knows that we are not yet fully ready to accept new boundaries that are not yet in sync with our natural signals.

Here are some practical steps to help you identify and manage these feelings:

1. The ‘Grounding’ Technique (Connecting Yourself to the Present Moment)

When these unpleasant feelings arise, our minds are often stuck in the past or worrying about the future. Bring yourself back to the present moment using the 5-4-3-2-1 method:

 * Name 5 things you can see.

 * 4 sounds you can hear.

 * 3 textures or objects you can touch.

 * 2 smells you can smell.

 * 1 taste you can taste.

   This helps your nervous system shift out of ‘alert’ mode and return to a state of calm.

2. Uncensored Journaling

Write down whatever comes to mind, no matter how chaotic it may be. Don’t try to find logic or causes just yet.

 * Use phrases like: “Right now I feel…”, “Inside my body, this discomfort feels like… (e.g. tightness in the chest, a weight on my shoulders)”.

 * Sometimes, by putting your thoughts down on paper, hidden patterns will reveal themselves.

3. Body Scan

Emotions often manifest physically before we become cognitively aware of them.

 * Sit quietly and pay attention to your body from the tips of your toes to the top of your head.

 * Is there tension in your jaw, raised shoulders, or held-back breath?

 * Focus your breath on those tense areas. Often, that ‘unpleasant’ feeling is simply the body’s response to accumulated fatigue or stress.

4. Check Your Basic Needs (HALT)

Ask yourself if you are in a state of:

 * Hungry

 * Angry

 * Lonely

 * Tired

   As someone with an engineering background and busy with various projects, we sometimes overlook basic biological needs that can trigger drastic mood swings.

5. Accept, Don’t Fight

Often, these feelings intensify precisely because we worry about the worry itself (“Why do I feel this way? I must know the cause!”).

 * Try telling yourself: “Right now I’m feeling uncomfortable, and that’s okay. I don’t have to know the cause right away. I’ll let it be for a moment without judging it.”

   If these feelings persist for a long time or begin to interfere with your daily productivity, consider whether there are burdens of responsibility or expectations you are carrying in relation to the major goals you have set. Sometimes, our subconscious senses the pressure before our conscious mind has had a chance to process it.

Hopefuly this article can give you an insight how to improve your career in life.

People are more afraid of losing than not getting something

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "People are more afraid of losing than not getting something.", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people get that condition where it can make their happiness level is down, The phenomenon which happens is one of the most fundamental concepts in behavioural psychology and behavioural economics, known as Loss Aversion.

In short, humans are inherently more sensitive to potential losses than to potential gains, even when the values are equivalent. 

Here is an in-depth explanation of this from a psychological perspective:

1. Key Concept: Loss Aversion

This concept was popularised by psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky through Prospect Theory. Their findings show that, psychologically, the pain of losing something is felt twice as intensely as the pleasure derived from gaining something of equal value.

A simple example: Losing Rp100,000 will have a far more significant negative emotional impact on a person than the happiness felt if they suddenly found or received Rp100,000.

2. Why Does This Happen? (Evolutionary Basis)

Evolutionary psychology offers a compelling explanation for why this tendency is ingrained in humans:

 * Survival Strategy (Survival Instinct): For our ancestors, the loss of resources (such as food, shelter, or status within a group) could mean a direct threat to life. On the other hand, failing to gain something new usually does not threaten survival in the same way. Consequently, the human brain evolved to prioritise ‘avoiding threats/losses’ for the sake of survival.

 * Security vs. Growth: The human brain is biologically programmed to maintain security (homeostasis). Preserving what one already possesses is a safer course of action than taking risks to pursue something new.

3. Additional Psychological Aspects

In addition to evolutionary factors, there are several psychological mechanisms that reinforce this tendency:

 * The Endowment Effect: People tend to place a higher value on goods or status they already possess simply because they own them. Once something becomes part of ‘my possessions’, we feel a sense of loss if we have to let it go.

 * Reference Point: In Prospect Theory, our evaluation of outcomes (gains or losses) is not based on absolute value, but on the change from the current reference point. What we possess becomes that reference point; anything moving away from it is perceived as a decline in quality of life.

 * Uncertainty and Control: Acquiring something often involves effort and uncertainty, whereas retaining what we already have feels more within our control. Losing something is often seen as a ‘failure’ to maintain that control, triggering a greater stress or anxiety response.

4. Impact on Life

This understanding explains much of our behaviour:

 * In Business/Finance: Why investors often hold onto loss-making shares for too long (fearing to realise the loss) rather than selling them, even though selling might be the rational decision.

 * In Relationships: Why people find it hard to let go of unhealthy relationships; there is a fear of losing the comfort they already have, even though there is potential for happiness outside that relationship.

 * In Career Decisions: People are more likely to stay in unsatisfying jobs out of fear of losing financial stability (their current salary), rather than taking a risk on new opportunities that might be better.

Conclusion

The fear of loss is not merely a ‘lack of gratitude’ or pessimism, but a very powerful mental adaptation mechanism. Although this mechanism once helped our ancestors survive, in the complex modern world, this bias often hinders us from taking bold steps or making the changes necessary for growth, 

this is a natural cognitive bias can help us evaluate decisions more objectively—by asking: “Am I holding on to this because its value is genuinely high, or simply because I’m afraid of losing it?”

Why do some people reject the truth even though their brain doesn't deny it

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Why do some people reject the truth even though their brain doesn't deny it?, the main reason why I choose that topic because many people's behavior tends to reject the truth rather than accept it, The phenomenon in which a person rejects the truth even when it is logically undeniable is a deeply complex topic in psychology. It is not about a lack of intelligence, but rather about how our brains protect our identity, comfort, and emotional stability.

Here are the main psychological explanations for why this happens:

1. Cognitive Dissonance

Introduced by Leon Festinger, this concept explains the mental discomfort a person experiences when they hold two conflicting beliefs, or when their behavior does not align with their values.

 * Reaction: When new facts (the truth) challenge deeply ingrained old beliefs, the brain experiences psychological “pain.” To alleviate this pain, a person tends to reject or distort the facts rather than having to change their worldview.

2. Identity Protective Cognition

For many people, beliefs are not merely data, but part of their identity. Believing in something (regarding politics, religion, or oneself) helps them feel like they belong to a specific social group.

 * Reaction: If the truth constitutes a "betrayal" of their group or identity, the brain processes the facts as a physical threat. Rejecting the truth becomes a self-defense mechanism to keep them "safe" within their social sphere.

3. Confirmation Bias

This is the natural human tendency to seek out, interpret, and remember information that only supports what they already believe.

 * Reaction: Facts that contradict initial assumptions are often ignored, dismissed as “bias from the opposing side,” or deemed invalid even when the evidence is strong.

4. Backfire Effect

This is a phenomenon where exposure to evidence that contradicts a person’s beliefs actually causes them to cling even more firmly to those beliefs.

 * Reaction: When someone feels intellectually attacked or forced to admit a mistake, their ego hardens. They build a stronger mental fortress to protect the views they already hold.

5. Psychological Safety

In psychotherapy practice, it is often found that harsh truths can trigger extreme anxiety. For some people, a comforting lie is far more “functional” than a truth that shatters the structure of their lives.

 * Reaction: They choose to live in controlled ignorance rather than face the uncertainty or shame that arises if they must admit they’ve been wrong all along.

Conclusion

Psychologically, the truth often loses out to emotional comfort. Logic operates in the prefrontal cortex (the brain’s rational area), while resistance to the truth often originates from the limbic system (the center of emotions and self-defense).

When emotions and identity feel threatened, the limbic system often “hijacks” our logical abilities. That is why, in communication, presenting data alone is not enough; a person must feel emotionally safe to be able to accept a reality that contradicts what they previously believed.

How to reduce boredom in a marriage relationship

    Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to reduce boredom in a marriage relationship", the main reason why I choose that topic because many couples try to separate from their commitment when they feel bored in their relationship status, Boredom within a marriage is a very human experience and it oftens serving as a transitional phase toward a deeper level of connection, provided it is handled correctly. Given your background as a psychotherapist, you certainly understand that this phase can be viewed as an opportunity for re-evaluation and reconnection.

 

Here are several approaches you can apply to refresh the dynamics of your relationship:

 

1. Initiating "Novelty" (New Experiences)

The human brain responds to new stimulation by releasing dopamine, which can help reignite feelings of enthusiasm.

 

- Shared Hobbies: Try activities that are completely new to both of you (such as taking a cooking class, learning a new sport, or engaging in creative projects). This ensures neither partner feels more dominant or like an "expert," placing you on equal footing as learners.

- Changing Micro-Routines: Sometimes, boredom stems from routines that are too rigid. Try altering small things, such as taking a different route home, changing where you eat lunch, or simply rearranging furniture to create a fresh atmosphere.

 

2. Deepening Communication

Boredom often arises because we feel we already "know everything" about our partner.

 

- Reflective Questions: Replace routine questions like "How was your day?" with more exploratory ones, such as "What has made you feel most alive this week?" or "Are there any dreams we used to talk about that have been put on hold?"

- Listening Sessions Without Solutions: Given your technical and analytical background, it is easy to fall into the trap of immediately offering solutions. Try occasionally being a passive listener who provides only emotional validation, creating a safe space for your partner.

 

3. Resetting Emotional "Check-ins"

 

- Intimacy Rituals: Schedule dedicated time, perhaps 15–20 minutes every evening without gadgets, to share your feelings or small achievements, rather than discussing household chores or logistics.

- Relationship Evaluation: Similar to the S.M.A.R.T. goal framework you are familiar with, conduct a monthly mini-audit of your relationship. Ask your partner: "What is one thing I could do this month to make you feel more supported?"

 

4. Creating Space (Individuality)

Paradoxically, to feel close again, you sometimes need to create a little distance.

 

- Personal Freedom: Encourage your partner to pursue their own interests or spend time with their own social circle. When each individual grows personally, they bring back new energy and perspectives when they reunite at home.

 

5. Appreciating "The Mundane"

In psychology, gratitude has been proven to shift one's perception of routine.

 

- Acknowledging Kindness: Make a conscious effort to seek out and express appreciation for the small things your partner does that are often taken for granted (such as making coffee or tidying up). Shifting your focus from what is missing to what is present often reduces feelings of monotony.

 

Boredom does not mean your relationship is unhealthy; more often than not, it is simply a sign that your relationship has settled into a comfort zone that has become too stable.

Human kindness is often given in the world in the form of uncertainty

     Hi, today, I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Human kindness is often given in the world in the form of uncertainty", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people expect what they do must be returned into profit, when they don't get what they expect, due to that question, some of them try to ask to themselves "Am I not good enough to receive more?" This question touches on the deepest aspects of human existence, from both philosophical and psychological perspectives, Below is a review of the concept of goodness and the phenomenon of selfless sincerity.

 

If we look objectively, the world does not always operate on a "input equals output" system in the short term. There are times when a person does good yet receives injustice in return. However, in psychology and sociology, there are concepts that explain how goodness works:

 

- Indirect Reciprocity: The person you help may not repay you directly, but your actions build a positive reputation that makes the surrounding social system more supportive overall.

- Character Domino Effect: Consistently doing good shapes a more resilient cognitive structure and personality. The "reward" in the world is often not material, but rather inner peace, better mental health, and life satisfaction.

 

Psychological Perspectives on Selflessness (Altruism)

 

In psychology, behavior that helps others without expecting external rewards is called Pure Altruism. Here are several psychological perspectives on such individuals:

 

1. Intrinsic Motivation and Autonomy

People who do not expect rewards typically have strong intrinsic motivation. They act because the action itself is deemed valuable, not due to social pressure or incentives. In Self-Determination Theory, this is the highest form of autonomy, where happiness stems from alignment between one’s actions and personal values.

2. Helper’s High

Biologically, when a person does good, the brain releases endorphins and dopamine. This phenomenon is called the Helper’s High. Psychology suggests that those who do not expect external rewards actually receive an "internal reward" in the form of relief and happiness that significantly reduces stress levels.

3. Ego Maturity

From psychoanalytic or developmental psychology perspectives, the ability to give without demanding anything in return is a sign of stable ego maturity. Such individuals no longer feel "lacking" or "thirsty for recognition," so they give from a place of inner fullness (acting from abundance).

4. Meaning-making

Existential psychology views helping others as one way humans create meaning in a life that often feels chaotic. By being useful to others, a person gains a sense of purpose, which is a core pillar of mental health.

 

An Aspect to Consider: Compassion Fatigue 

While selfless helping is noble, psychology also warns of the importance of setting boundaries. A person who continuously gives without considering their own capacity risks experiencing:

 

- Emotional Burnout: Exhaustion from constant outflow of psychological energy without replenishment.

- Messiah Complex: A belief that they must save everyone, which can become an unhealthy psychological burden.

 

Conclusion:

In psychology, not expecting rewards does not mean receiving nothing in return. Instead, it indicates excellent mental health, where a person’s happiness is no longer dependent on the reactions of the external world but on their own integrity. Good deeds may not always return in the same form, but they will "come back" as peace of mind for the doer.

Does man have the power to claim his efforts if God does in reality

 Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "  Does man have the power to claim his efforts if God does in reality?", The reason I choose this topic is because many people feel proud of what they do and quickly feel desperate easily if what they do does not meet expectations. If we learn about the concept of religious determinism (destiny) and human agency (effort), In fact, humans are only God's tools, while the power of intention to do it comes from humans themselves, when human believe what they do comes from what they effort, at that condition human will lose its power because human deliberately take an authority from God's will, I don't recommend if I were you because this kind of responsibility is truly hard, my question is "how can human take authority from God to claim what they do is 100% belong to theirs?"...so I will answer that question, human only have authority around 20% whereas the end results 80% comes from destiny, it's Pareto law, now we talk about In psychology, the main focus is not on the theological truth of such destiny, but rather on how beliefs about destiny or effort that can influence human mental health and behavior.

 

Here are several psychological perspectives to analyze this phenomenon:

 

1. Locus of Control

Psychologist Julian Rotter introduced the concept of Locus of Control to explain where a person feels the control over their life comes from:

 

- Internal: The belief that life outcomes are determined by one's own decisions and efforts.

- External: The belief that life is determined by external forces (fate, luck, or destiny).

 

Psychologically, claiming effort outcomes as "one's own" (internal) builds self-efficacy (belief in one's abilities). However, if taken to an extreme, this can trigger severe stress or depression when facing failure, as a person will blame themselves entirely.

 

2. Psychological Effects of "Surrender"

In positive psychology, the view that the final outcome is in God's hands (destiny) serves as a very strong coping mechanism:

 

- Emotional Regulation: When a person has done their utmost but the result is not as expected, attributing it to destiny prevents the collapse of self-esteem. It acts as a "safety valve" so that humans do not feel existentially failed.

- Acceptance: Understanding that there are variables beyond human control (such as the global economy, weather, or other people's decisions) helps a person maintain mental stability.

 

3. Tension Between Process and Outcome

Modern psychology, such as Carol Dweck's Growth Mindset theory, suggests that humans should claim the process, not just the outcome.

 

- Claiming Effort: Humans have the right (and psychological need) to claim their hard work, discipline, and perseverance. This is a controllable area.

- Letting Go of Outcomes: Letting go of claims over the final outcome (outcome = destiny) actually frees humans from excessive anxiety (performance anxiety).

 

4. Self-Serving Bias

There is a cognitive tendency where humans tend to claim success as the result of their own hard work, but attribute failure to "destiny" or "bad luck".

 

Psychologically, healthy integration means acknowledging the role of effort in achieving success (for motivation), while still maintaining humility that there are external factors (destiny) that enable those efforts to bear fruit.

 

Conclusion

From a psychological perspective, humans need to claim their efforts to maintain motivation and personal responsibility. However, letting go of claims over the final outcome to destiny is a very healthy way to maintain mental health, avoid arrogance when successful, and prevent despair when failing.

How to find meaning in Victor Frank L's logotherapy theory

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to find meaning in Victor Frank L's logotherapy theory", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people can't get a good insight from reality that they engaged with, based on what I observed, people who only pursue their wants, they must be ready to get suffering from their wants, In this modern era, there are many mental trainings at seminars to educate the public, In the event, there was a lot of training aimed at changing mindsets and habits, but not all participants could find meaning because it takes longer time, some events try to apply Viktor Frankl's theory and educate all the participants how to make exit strategy from what they suffer, Searching for meaning does require difficulty so that humans can reach a more valuable level of awareness, Victor said "the meaning already exists out there; we just need to find it", by taking Viktor Frankl with his Logotherapy at seminar, hopefully the participants can focuse on finding meaning through suffering, work, and love, for your information, besides Victor Frankl's perception about the meaning of life purpose, there are other psychology figures who offer different perspectives on how humans find purpose in their lives.

 

Here are some other major perspectives: 

1. Abraham Maslow: Self-Actualization and Peak Experiences

For Maslow, life meaning is not only found through suffering but also through the fulfillment of one’s full potential.

 

- Self-Actualization: Meaning exists when a person becomes the best version of themselves.

- Peak Experiences: Extraordinary moments such as being immersed in artistic beauty, achieving great success, or feeling connected with nature. These moments provide a sense of meaningful "being."

 

2. Irvin Yalom: Four Existential Concerns

Yalom takes a slightly different approach. He argues that humans must confront four harsh facts of life to find authentic meaning:

 

- Death, Freedom, Isolation, and Meaninglessness.

- According to Yalom, life essentially has no pre-determined meaning structure. We are the ones who must create meaning ourselves through active engagement in life (altruism, creativity, or dedication to an idea).

 

3. Carl Rogers: The Good Life (Fully Functioning Life)

As a humanist figure, Rogers views life meaning not as an end goal but as a process.

 

- Meaning is found when a person lives in alignment with their inner experiences (congruence).

- Fully functioning people are those who are open to new experiences, live in the present moment (presence), and trust their own instincts and decisions.

 

4. Alfred Adler: Social Interest

Adler argues that true life meaning is always social in nature.

 

- Lifestyle: Each person has a "fictional final goal" they strive for.

- Contribution: Meaning is found when a person feels useful to their community. Without a sense of connection to others, humans will experience feelings of inferiority that make life feel empty.

 

5. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: The Concept of Flow

From a Positive Psychology perspective, meaning is often found in activities that make us lose track of time.

 

- Total Engagement: When you do something challenging yet matched to your skills, you enter a flow state.

- A sense of meaning emerges from deep satisfaction when we are fully engaged in productive work or a hobby.

 

Figure Primary Source of Meaning Core Perspective 

Viktor Frankl -> Discovery, Meaning already exists out there; we just need to find it. 

Irvin Yalom -> Creation, Life is empty; we must paint meaning into it. 

Alfred Adler -> Contribution, Meaning is how much we benefit others. 

Abraham Maslow -> Growth, Meaning is becoming the best version of yourself. 

 

How to survive in a toxic work environment

    Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to survive in a toxic work environment", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people become victim in toxic working environment, as we know that "Working in a toxic environment is indeed very draining, because our brains naturally have a negative bias—a tendency to focus more on threats or criticism than on positive things for the sake of survival. In a bad workplace, this bias can make us feel constantly under attack.

 

Here are practical strategies to maintain mental health and stay objective:

 

1. Use the "Objective Detachment" Technique

Imagine yourself as a researcher observing animal behavior in the forest. When colleagues start drama or your boss gets angry for no reason, say to yourself:

 

- "Interesting, Person A is displaying manipulative behavior again today."

- By positioning yourself as an observer, you separate your self-identity from the negative emotions in the room.

 

2. Apply Cognitive Reframing

Negative bias forces us to see every problem as a disaster. Try changing your perspective:

 

- Biased Thought: "My boss criticized my report—they must want to fire me."

- Reframed Thought: "My report was criticized because their standards are unclear. This isn't about my ability, but about their poor communication style."

 

3. Find "Islands of Sanity"

In a toxic environment, we tend to generalize that everything is bad. To counter this, you need counter-evidence:

 

- Find at least one colleague who still has integrity.

- Focus your interactions on them to remind yourself that not everyone there is "toxic."

 

4. Limit Exposure (Information Diet)

Negative bias thrives on pantry gossip or workplace WhatsApp groups.

 

- Reduce Excessive "Ventilating": Constantly complaining may feel relieving in the moment, but neuroscientifically, it actually strengthens negative neural pathways in your brain.

- Set firm boundaries on when you think about work and when you stop.

 

5. Document as a Logical Shield

Negative bias often makes us feel incompetent. Fight it with data:

 

- Achievement Log: Record every task you complete well.

- Incident Log: Factually note confusing instructions or unfair treatment (date, time, context). This helps your brain stay grounded in facts, not just bad feelings.

 

Response Comparison:

 

Trapped in Negative Bias Response Healthy (Mental Resilience) Response 

"Everyone here hates me." "Some people here are unhealthily competitive, but that's their issue." 

"I'll never succeed here." "This place does hold me back, but I'm building skills to jump to somewhere else." 

 

Remember, a toxic environment is not a reflection of your self-worth."

Why is it so difficult to carry out commitment

 

    Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely Why is it so difficult to carry out commitments?, the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone is being able to keep their commitment, Keeping that commitment is difficult because essentially we are fighting against human nature which loves freedom and instant gratification. Commitment is not just an initial promise, but a decision that must be made repeatedly, even when our feelings are not supportive.

 

Here are some reasons why keeping commitments feels so challenging:

 

1. Conflict Between Desires and Responsibilities

We often get caught in an internal struggle between what we want to do right now (urges/impulses) and what we have promised for the future.

Example: Committing to a diet is easy when full, but becomes very difficult when seeing pizza in front of you while hungry.

2. Opportunity Cost

Saying "Yes" to one commitment means saying "No" to thousands of other possibilities. Human psychology tends to experience Fear of Missing Out (FOMO). We often feel afraid that by committing, we are missing out on opportunities that might be "better" elsewhere.

3. Fading Initial Motivation

Commitments usually start with a surge of emotion or motivation (like the honeymoon phase in a relationship or New Year's enthusiasm for exercise). However, emotions are fluctuating.

Reality: When that sense of excitement is gone, all that remains is discipline. This is where many people give up because they expect "good feelings" to carry them forever.

4. Energy and Time Investment

Commitments require maintenance. Like plants, if not watered with consistent effort, communication, or hard work, commitments will wither. Many people underestimate how exhausting it is to be consistent in the long run.

5. Fear of Vulnerability

Committing to something—especially to other people—means giving them the power to disappoint or hurt us. Sometimes, we struggle to commit not because we are unable, but because we are afraid of failing or being seen as weak.

 

The bottom line: Commitment is difficult because it demands that we grow beyond our comfort zones for something greater.

Dissecting a commitment strategy is like building a bridge: you need a strong foundation so it doesn’t collapse when storms hit. Commitments based solely on "intentions" usually fall apart within weeks.

 

Here are strategic steps to build and maintain commitments systematically:

 

1. Find an Unshakable "Why"

A commitment without a strong reason is a burden. If your reason is only "following the trend" or "because you should," you will give up when tired.

Ask yourself: "What is the biggest loss if I quit?"

Principle: If your reason doesn’t make you feel slightly emotional or challenged, it’s likely not a strong enough Why.

2. Use the "Atomic Habits" Rule (Start Small)

Many people fail to commit because they set huge targets right away. The best strategy is to break down the commitment into extremely small actions that make failure impossible.

Strategy: Don’t commit to "exercising 1 hour every day." Commit to "putting on running shoes every 5 PM."

Logic: The biggest barrier is getting started. Once you’ve begun, you’ll usually keep going.

3. Build a System, Not Just Desire

Don’t rely on willpower—because willpower is like a phone battery that runs out. Create an environment that supports your commitment.

Design Your Environment: If you want to commit to saving money, set up an automatic transfer system. If you want to commit to focused work, move your phone to another room.

Remove Barriers: Identify what usually causes you to fail, then block access to those distractions before they arise.

4. The "Non-Negotiables" Principle (Non-Bargainable Items)

Set strict ground rules. Commitments become difficult because we often give ourselves "discounts" ("Just this once, it’s okay...").

Strategy: Establish 1-2 rules that cannot be broken under any circumstances (except medical emergencies). For example: "No matter what happens, I will not check emails before 9 AM."

5. Evaluate and Forgive (Self-Compassion)

Commitment does not mean you have to be 100% perfect. Many people stop entirely just because they failed for one day.

Rule: "Never Miss Twice": If you fail to keep your commitment today, make sure you get back on track tomorrow. Missing once is an accident; missing twice is the start of a new bad habit.

 

Here is the example of the Strategic Table: Desire vs. System 

Aspect Desire Only (Weak) VS Using a System (Strong) 

Focus End result (want to be thin/want to succeed) VS Daily process (eat vegetables/write 100 words) 

Reliance Motivation, Mood Schedule & Routine 

Response to Failure Feel guilty & stop VS Evaluate causes & keep going 

 

Practical step: Try choosing one specific thing you want to make your commitment right now,

Hopefully this article can give you an insight how to improve your life career, thank you

What makes a man not respond when introduced to a woman

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely"What makes a man not respond when introduced to a woman?, the main reason why I choose that topic because many adults don't really know what makes them not interested with the woman during introduction, "It's really interesting to discuss the dynamics of this kind of "introduction". In fact, when a man doesn't respond or follow up on an introduction, the reason is far more complex than just "she's not pretty" or "she has a bad personality".

 

More often than not, the issue isn't with the woman, but with the situation or the man's own readiness. Here are some common reasons that usually happen behind the scenes:

 

1. Mental or Emotional Unreadiness

This is the most common yet often unseen reason.

 

- Not yet moved on: He may still be preoccupied with the past or has recently gone through a significant heartbreak.

- Focused on Other Priorities: Men often have a "single focus". If he's pursuing a career, exams, or dealing with family issues, the space in his mind for romance may be full.

 

2. Pressure from "Matchmakers"

Sometimes, being introduced by friends or family creates its own kind of pressure.

 

- Social Expectations: There's a sense of discomfort in having to "report" progress to the person who made the introduction.

- Feeling Forced: Some men prefer to pursue or meet someone organically rather than feeling "fed" into a matchmaking arrangement.

 

3. Very Specific "Click" Criteria

Beauty is relative, and so is an appealing personality.

 

- Not His Type: Every man has specific preferences (e.g., shared hobbies, taste in music, or lifestyle). Someone can be objectively very beautiful, but if there's no specific "spark" of interest for that man, he may not respond.

- Difference in Energy: If the woman seems very serious about getting married while the man still wants to take things easy (or vice versa), he may step back before even trying.

 

4. Insecurity

Believe it or not, men can also feel intimidated.

 

- Too Outstanding: If the woman appears very successful, very beautiful, or very independent, a man who feels he's "not yet established" may feel insecure and choose not to respond rather than risk rejection later.

 

Myth: "It must be because I'm not pretty"

Let's set this straight: Physical appearance is indeed an entry point, but it's not the determinant of a response. If a man doesn't respond, it's rarely because he thinks the woman is "ugly". More often, it's because he feels there's no alignment in vision or energy from the start, or he simply isn't in a position to start a relationship.

 

Important Note: Someone's silence is not always a judgment of your worth. It is often a reflection of their capacity to accept someone new at that moment.

Do humans really have the freedom to choose something for their future

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Do humans really have the freedom to choose something for their future?, This line of thinking touches on the core of human existence: between fate, free will, and maturing suffering. In psychology, the concept of freedom is not merely 'doing whatever one wants,' but rather the ability to respond to stimuli consciously.

Below is an analysis of psychological perspectives on the freedom to choose and the importance of pushing past boundaries:

 

1. When Do Humans Have the Freedom to Choose?

In psychology, free will is often viewed as a spectrum that develops alongside cognitive and emotional maturity.

 

- The Gap Between Stimulus and Response: Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, stated that between stimulus (what happens to us) and response (what we do) there exists a space. Our freedom lies within that space.

- Cognitive Development: Biologically, mature decision-making ability emerges when the prefrontal cortex (the brain’s region for logic and self-control) is fully developed, typically in early adulthood (around the early 20s). Before this, our choices are often dominated by impulses or environmental influences.

- Individuation: According to Carl Jung, true freedom emerges when a person goes through the process of individuation—meaning when they begin to recognize their dark side (the shadow) and shed their social mask (the persona) to become their authentic self.

 

2. Why Must We Push Past Boundaries?

Boundaries often feel restrictive, but in psychology, they are the "fuel" for growth. Without obstacles, there is no evolution.

 

The Concept of "Post-Traumatic Growth" (PTG)

Humans often reach new levels of consciousness precisely after being struck by painful limitations or great crises. Psychology refers to this as PTG. Boundaries force us to dismantle outdated old structures and build a more resilient self.

 

Boundaries as the "Zone of Proximal Development" (ZPD)

 

Lev Vygotsky explained that growth occurs when we operate just outside our comfort zone—on the edge of our current capabilities. If we remain within boundaries without ever attempting to cross them, our cognitive and mental abilities will atrophy (deteriorate).

 

3. Psychological Schools of Thought on Freedom

Psychological School Perspective on Freedom 

Existentialism Humans are "condemned to be free." We bear full responsibility for the meaning of our own lives through our choices. 

Humanistic Humans have an innate drive toward self-actualization. Freedom is a tool to achieve one’s highest potential. 

Behaviorism Tends to be skeptical. Human choices are often seen as the result of environmental conditioning and a history of reinforcement (rewards/punishments). 

Psychoanalysis Freedom is often hindered by unconscious conflicts. Therapy aims to free patients from the "prison" of the past so they can choose consciously. 

Psychological School Perspective on Freedom

Existentialism Humans are "condemned to be free." We bear full responsibility for the meaning of our own lives through our choices.

Humanistic Humans have an innate drive toward self-actualization. Freedom is a tool to achieve one’s highest potential.

Behaviorism Tends to be skeptical. Human choices are often seen as the result of environmental conditioning and a history of reinforcement (rewards/punishments).

Psychoanalysis Freedom is often hindered by unconscious conflicts. Therapy aims to free patients from the "prison" of the past so they can choose consciously.

 

Conclusion: Boundaries Are a Compass

Humans should not only be allowed to push past boundaries—they must. In psychology, pushing past boundaries—whether mental (fear), social (others’ expectations), or physical—is a process called transcendence.

Without boundaries, freedom becomes empty. The most meaningful freedom is the freedom to choose how we respond to boundaries we cannot change.

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." — Viktor Frankl

 

What does success look like beyond money

Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "what does success look like beyond money", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people pursue money with all their ability without considering other meaningful purpose, The question "What does success look like beyond money?" essentially invites us to redefine the meaning of "success" beyond the numbers in a bank balance. The statement asks: "If money were no longer the benchmark, what would prove that your life is successful?"

 

From a psychological perspective, this shift in perspective is very healthy because pursuing material wealth excessively often leads to the "hedonic treadmill"—a condition where we keep achieving new targets but our level of happiness remains the same.

 

Psychological Perspective: More Meaningful Success

 

Modern psychology offers several frameworks for viewing success from a non-financial standpoint:

 

1. Self-Determination Theory

According to Ryan & Deci, humans will feel deeply successful and satisfied if they fulfill three basic needs:

 

- Autonomy: Feeling in control of one’s own life choices.

- Competence: Feeling skilled or proficient at doing challenging things.

- Relatedness: Having quality relationships and feeling loved by others.

 

2. Eudaimonic Well-being

Psychology distinguishes between Hedonic (seeking immediate pleasure) and Eudaimonic (seeking meaning) well-being. Success beyond money is often seen as:

 

- Personal Growth: Continuously learning and becoming a better version of oneself.

- Life Purpose: Feeling that what you do contributes to others or the world.

 

3. The Concept of "Flow"

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi argues that success occurs when a person frequently experiences Flow—a state where you are so immersed in an activity you love that you lose track of time.

 

Non-Material Success Indicators (Psychological Checklist)

 

Here are some aspects considered "success" from the lens of positive psychology:

 

Dimension Definition of Success Beyond Money 

Mental Health -> The ability to stay calm under pressure and maintain stable self-esteem. 

Time Affluence -> Having the freedom to dedicate time to hobbies, rest, and family without guilt. 

Resilience ->  The ability to bounce back after experiencing failure or trauma. 

Physical Health -> A fit body and sufficient energy to face each day with enthusiasm. 

Integrity Living in alignment with the moral values you believe in, even when no one is watching. 

 

"True success is not about what you accumulate, but about who you become (character) and how you impact others."

 

In essence, the question invites us to move from "success by standard" (what others/society say) to "success by design" (what makes your soul feel complete)."

Hopefully this article can give you an insight and a help to improve your life, good luck.