Why are established habits difficult to break

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Why are established habits difficult to break", the main reason why I choose that topic because the question that I mentioned in the topic touches on the core of the psychology and neuroscience of habits. Habits that have been performed frequently become very difficult to eliminate because they are deeply rooted in three levels: the Brain (Biological), Behavioral Patterns (Psychological), and the Environment.

 

Here are the main reasons why habits are difficult to break:

 

🧠 1. Brain Mechanism (Strong Neural Pathways)

Habits are the brain's way of conserving energy. When an action is repeated many times, the brain transforms it from a conscious decision-making process into an automatic response, which involves the following mechanisms:

 

- Reinforced Neural Pathways (Neuroplasticity): Every time you repeat a habit (e.g., smoking when stressed), the neurons in the brain associated with that action connect more strongly. Imagine it like creating a path in a meadow; the more often it is traversed, the clearer and easier the path becomes.

- Result: The action becomes a default response that is performed without needing to think hard.

- Role of Basal Ganglia: This part of the brain stores habits. When a habit is stored here, the part of the brain responsible for logic and conscious thought (Prefrontal Cortex) no longer needs to work.

- Result: Habits operate subconsciously, making them difficult to "access" and change by sheer willpower.

- Dopamine Effect: Habits that provide quick rewards—such as the feeling of comfort after eating something sweet or relief after procrastinating—release the neurotransmitter dopamine.

- Result: Dopamine creates a strong urge (craving) to repeat the action when a trigger (cue) appears, even if you know the habit is bad.

 

🔁 2. The Habit Loop

Every habit operates within a three-step cycle that locks in your behavior:

 

- Cue: The trigger is a signal that tells the brain to enter automatic mode (e.g., seeing a cellphone, 7 PM, feeling bored, or a specific location).

- Routine: The action you take in response to the trigger (e.g., grabbing a snack, opening social media).

- Reward: The benefit or satisfaction you get (e.g., sweetness, feeling entertained, temporary relief).

Difficult to Break Because: This cycle creates an expectation. Once the Cue appears, your brain automatically expects the Reward. If you try to break the Routine, your brain will send strong "need" or "anxiety" signals (craving), demanding that you complete the cycle to get the predicted reward.

 

🛋️ 3. Psychological and Environmental Factors

 

- Comfort and Safe Zone: The brain tends to prefer predictability. Old habits feel safe and comfortable, even if they are bad. Change brings uncertainty, which the brain often interprets as danger or stress.

- Self-Identity: If you often repeat a habit, it can become part of who you are ("I am a person who likes to stay up late" or "I am not disciplined"). Changing habits means changing self-identity, which feels psychologically very heavy.

- Environmental Support: An environment that is not supportive or is full of triggers will greatly hinder change. If all your friends smoke, it is very difficult for you to quit because your environment constantly provides Cues and social Routines.

 

Conclusion:

Habits are difficult to break not because you are weak, but because habits are very efficient automatic pathways created by your brain to conserve energy. To change them, you cannot rely solely on willpower, but must identify and break/replace elements in the Habit Loop (Cue → Routine → Reward) so that the brain can build new neural pathways."

How to anticipate and manage deep trauma

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to anticipate and manage deep trauma", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people can't survive with a deep trauma in the past, as we know that anticipating and managing deep trauma is a process that requires patience, time, and self-compassion. Trauma is not just being "sad," but rather the nervous system's response to events that shake your sense of security.

 

Here are structured steps to help you manage the impact of trauma and prevent it from taking over your life:

 

1. Self-Stabilization (Emotional First Aid)

When memories or pain from trauma arise (flashbacks), your nervous system goes into fight, flight, or freeze mode. The first step is to bring yourself back to the "now" moment. 

- Grounding Techniques: Use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique to stop dissociation (feeling disconnected from reality).

- 5 things you can see.

- 4 things you can touch (texture of clothes, table).

- 3 sounds you can hear.

- 2 smells you can smell.

- 1 taste you can savor (or one good thing about yourself).

- Regulate Breathing: Deep breathing signals to the brain that you are safe. Try the 4-7-8 technique (Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale slowly for 8 seconds).

 

2. Validation and Acceptance

Often we try to "anticipate" trauma by rejecting it or pretending everything is fine. This actually makes things worse.

 

- Allow Yourself to Feel: It's okay to feel broken, angry, or scared. Those emotions are valid. Cry if necessary; tears contain stress hormones that the body needs to release.

- Avoid Toxic Positivity: Don't force yourself to immediately "take the lesson." Focus on healing the wound first before looking for meaning.

 

3. Rebuilding a Sense of Security

Trauma damages the sense of security. You need to rebuild structure in your life.

 

- Create Small Routines: Trauma creates chaos. Routines create predictability. Waking up, eating, and showering at the same time can be very helpful in stabilizing your mental state.

- Create a Safe Space: Designate one place (could be a bedroom or a specific corner) where you feel completely safe and have full control over the environment.

 

4. Processing Through Expression (Externalization)

Getting the trauma out of your head and into another medium helps reduce cognitive load.

 

- Journaling: Write down what you feel without editing it. The brain dump technique (dumping all the contents of your mind) is very effective in reducing noise in the head.

- Expressive Arts: Sometimes words are not enough. Drawing, painting, or listening to music can access the emotional parts of the brain that language cannot reach.

 

5. Professional Help (Highly Recommended)

Deep trauma often changes the structure of the brain and is difficult to heal alone. Professional therapy is the best form of anticipation to prevent trauma from becoming a long-term disorder (such as PTSD).

Consider the following therapies:

 

- CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): Helps change negative thought patterns.

- EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Very effective specifically for trauma, helping the brain reprocess painful memories.

- Somatic Therapy: Focuses on how trauma is stored in the body (such as chronic muscle tension).

 

6. Physical Body Care

Trauma is not just in the mind, but also in the body (The Body Keeps the Score).

 

- Physical Movement: Light exercise, yoga, or just walking helps burn adrenaline and cortisol that accumulate due to trauma stress.

- Adequate Sleep: While sleeping, the brain processes emotions. Sleep disturbances will make trauma recovery more difficult.

 

What to Avoid? 

- Self-Isolation: Being alone constantly gives room for negative thoughts to multiply. Stay connected with at least one person you trust.

- Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: Avoiding feelings with alcohol, illicit drugs, or impulsive behavior only delays the pain and adds new problems.

 

Brief Summary 

Phase Main Focus Action 

Present Moment Calm Deep breathing, 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding techniques 

 

Deep trauma is an "inner wound." Just like a broken bone that needs a cast and time to fuse back together, your inner self also needs time.

Why do we blame others for other people's Inability

 

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Why do we blame others for other people's Inability", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people like to blame others from inability, "From a psychological perspective, the answer is clear: Objectively, it's not feasible, yet subjectively, people often find themselves doing it. Psychology not only looks at the "facts" of inability but also examines why the human brain has a tendency (bias) to keep blaming—either blaming oneself (self-blame) or others—even when the inability is real.

 

Here's a breakdown from a psychological standpoint:

 

1. Why Do We Blame Others for Inability?

When we see others fail to do something (even if they are unable), our brains often experience a cognitive bias called the Fundamental Attribution Error.

 

- What is it? We tend to judge others' failures as a result of their internal character (lazy, stupid, careless), when in reality, it is due to external situations (illness, disaster, physical limitations).

- Example: Someone is late for a meeting because of a flat tire (situational/inability). Their boss might think, "They are a person who is undisciplined" (character), instead of "They are just having bad luck."

- Social Psychology: Humans do this to maintain a sense of safety. Acknowledging that "bad things can happen for no reason (external factors)" is scary. It's easier to blame the person.

 

2. Why Do We Blame Ourselves? (Illusion of Control)

This is the most painful phenomenon. Why does someone feel guilty for not being able to save a terminally ill parent or not being able to prevent an accident?

 

- Illusion of Control: Humans have a deep psychological need to feel in control. Acknowledging "I am powerless" is often more frightening than feeling guilty.

- Subconscious Logic: "If I feel guilty, it means I should have been able to do something." This provides a false sense of security that in the future, we can prevent bad things from happening again.

- Hindsight Bias: The tendency to see past events as something that "should have been predictable."

Example: "I should have known it would rain that day, so I wouldn't have taken them out." In fact, when the decision was made, that data did not exist or the ability to predict it was impossible.

 

3. The Concept of "Psychological Inability"

Psychology also introduces the nuance that "inability" is not just physical. There are conditions where the brain refuses to cooperate, which are often misinterpreted as "lazy" or "unwilling."

 

- Executive Dysfunction: Often occurs in ADHD, depression, or severe anxiety. Someone wants to do something, but the neural pathways in their brain are jammed. They are literally "unable" to start the task.

- Blaming people in this condition can worsen their mental state without improving performance.

- Learned Helplessness: If someone constantly fails or is suppressed, they may feel "unable" when they are actually capable. In this case, blaming them is also ineffective; they need confidence rehabilitation, not punishment.

 

4. The Impact of Blaming Inability

Blaming someone (or yourself) for something beyond their capacity is toxic to mental health (Toxic Guilt/Shame).

 

Aspect Healthy Guilt Toxic Guilt/Shame 

Trigger Making a mistake that is within our control. Feeling responsible for something beyond our control. 

Self-Message "I made a mistake." "I am a mistake/failure." 

Result Self-improvement & responsibility. Depression, anxiety, & mental paralysis. 

 

Psychological Conclusion

Psychology teaches the concept of Radical Acceptance:

 

- Acknowledging limitations is a sign of mental health, not weakness.

- Humans have cognitive, emotional, and physical limits.

- Blaming people (or yourself) for absolute inability is a form of cognitive distortion (irrational thinking).

 

Humans deserve to be forgiven for their limitations. Perfection is not a requirement for being a valuable human being."