How to know that the way I am thinking so far is wrong rather than being right

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to know that the way I am thinking so far is wrong rather than being right", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone admits about the way they are thinking about something, This is a very brave question. Realizing that there may be something wrong in the way we think or act is the first step towards wisdom. Most people spend their lives blaming external circumstances, so they never grow.

To find "blind spots" or mistakes that you have not been aware of, you need to conduct a self-investigation in a way that is honest but non-judgmental.

Here is a systematic way to diagnose them:

 

1. Observe "Recurring Patterns" (The Common Denominator)

This is the most telling indicator. If you often experience the same problem repeatedly, even though the people, places, or situations change, then you are the only common denominator in all those occurrences.

 

- Example: If you always feel betrayed by friends (friend A, then friend B, then friend C), it is likely that the problem is not that "all friends are bad," but rather in how you choose friends or your unrealistic expectations.

- Action: Write down the 3 biggest recurring problems in your life. Look for the common thread. Is it a communication problem? An emotional management problem? Or an inability to say "no"?

 

2. Analyze Your Emotional Reactions (The Shadow Work)

Psychologist Carl Jung introduced the concept of "The Shadow." Often, what bothers us most about others is a reflection of what we reject in ourselves.

 

- Law of the Mirror: If you strongly dislike people who are "arrogant," ask yourself: "In what area of my life am I being arrogant or afraid of being seen as inferior?"

- Defensiveness: Notice when you receive criticism. On what topics do you immediately get angry or defend yourself aggressively? That's where the insecurity or fault you are protecting lies.

 

3. Ask for "Brutal Feedback" from Trusted People

We cannot see our own backs without a mirror. The people closest to us often know exactly what our shortcomings are, but they are afraid to say it because they don't want to hurt our feelings.

Do this experiment. Go to a friend, partner, or mentor you trust, and say:

 

"I'm trying to improve myself. Please answer 100% honestly, I promise I won't get angry. What is one behavior of mine that you think has been hindering my progress the most?"

 

Key: When they answer, shut your mouth. Don't defend yourself. Just listen, take notes, and reflect.

4. Audit "Locus of Control"

Check the language you use daily when facing problems.

 

- Victim Mentality: "I failed because of him...", "The economy is bad...", "My parents don't support me..."

- Responsible Mentality: "I failed because I didn't prepare enough...", "I haven't adapted to the economy...", "I haven't been able to convince my parents..."

If the narrative in your head always points outward, that is the main fault. You are surrendering control of your life to things you cannot change.

 

5. Do the "5 Whys" Technique

This is a technique used by Toyota to find the root cause of production problems, but it is very effective for life problems. Ask "Why" five layers deep.

Case Example: "I feel like my career is stuck."

 

- Why? Because my boss didn't give me a promotion.

- Why? Because he feels my work is mediocre.

- Why? Because I often finish tasks late.

- Why? Because I often procrastinate at the start of projects.

- Why? (Root Cause) Because I actually don't like this job and I'm afraid to look for a new one.

Here you discover that what you blamed was "The Boss," when the root is "Your Fear of changing careers."

Important Reflection

Knowing your own mistakes feels as bitter as swallowing medicine. You may feel ashamed or sad for a moment. That's normal.

However, remember this: A mistake you are aware of is a mistake you can fix. As long as you are not aware of it, you are the passenger. Once you realize it, you are the driver.

How to deflect a sense of doubt when it attacks human's soul

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to deflect a sense of doubt when it attacks human's soul", the main reason why I choose that topic because self doubt always monitor what human do in daily activity, Doubt is a heavy burden for the soul. It is often not a sign of ignorance, but a sign of fear—fear of making mistakes, fear of regret, or fear of others' judgments. When left unchecked, doubt creates "analysis paralysis" that keeps us stuck in place.

To free ourselves from this bondage, we need an approach that touches both mindset and practical action. Here is a step-by-step guide to overcoming it:

 

1. Make Peace with Imperfection

The root of doubt is perfectionism. We hesitate to take action because we wait for the "perfect" moment or a decision that guarantees 100% success.

 

- Understand Reality: There is no perfect decision. Every choice carries its own risk.

- Shift Focus: Change your mindset from "I must make the right decision" to "I will make a decision, then improve it through my efforts."

- Mantra: "Done is better than perfect."

 

2. The "Worst-Case Scenario" Technique (Fear Setting)

Often, our fear of failure is much greater in our minds than in reality. Use this Stoic technique to neutralize fear:

 

- Write Down Your Doubts: What exactly are you afraid of if you take step X?

- Imagine the Worst-Case: If you fail completely, what is the worst thing that could happen?

- Find Solutions: If the worst happens, what can you do to fix it?

- Evaluate: You will often realize that the worst-case scenario is not fatal and can be remedied.

 

Remember: The pain of future regret (for not trying) is usually far more tormenting than the pain of temporary failure.

 

3. Limit Information and Time (The Paradox of Choice)

In the digital age, we often hesitate because of too many options and too much information.

 

- Limit Options: If there are 10 choices, immediately narrow down to the top 3 options. Choose one from those.

- Set Strict Deadlines: Parkinson's Law applies: "Work (or decisions) will expand to fill the time available."

- For small decisions (lunch, clothes): Give yourself 30 seconds.

- For medium decisions (buying gadgets, holiday routes): Give 2 hours.

- For big decisions (career, moving house): Allocate 3 days for research, then decide.

 

4. Train Your "Decision Muscle" with Small Things

Decision-making ability is like a muscle. If you hesitate on big matters, start training decisiveness with small ones.

 

- At a restaurant, choose your menu in less than 1 minute and stick with it.

- Pick a different route home without overthinking.

- These exercises will habituate your brain to trust intuition and reduce post-decision anxiety.

 

5. Use the 5-Second Rule

Mel Robbins, a renowned author, introduced The 5 Second Rule to break the chain of doubt in the brain.

When you have an impulse to do something productive or make a decision, but doubt begins to surface:

 

- Count down: 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1.

- Move immediately or decide when the countdown reaches 1.

- This countdown shuts down the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that overthinks or seeks reasons) and activates the action-oriented part of the brain.

 

6. Surrender (Tawakal)

After using reason (research and logical considerations), the rest lies in areas beyond our control.

Acknowledging our limited humanity and entrusting the final outcome to God (the Universe) is the most powerful calming remedy for the soul. The belief that "What passes me was never meant for me, and what is destined for me will never pass me" will drastically reduce the burden of doubt.

Summary of Action Steps

| Problem | Quick Solution |

| Fear of making wrong choices | Remember that mistakes can be corrected (Reversibility). 

| Too much information | Limit research time, stop seeking new opinions. 

| Overthinking | Use the 5-Second Rule and take physical action. 

| Fear of regret | Compare the risk of failure vs. the risk of lifelong regret. 

The Long-Term Effects of Gaslighting in Relationships and How to Deal with It

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "The Long-Term Effects of Gaslighting in Relationships and How to Deal with It", the main reason why I choose that topic because many spouses can't detect gaslighting in relationship status, If we pay attention to research by psychology experts, Gas lighting is part of a person's inability to show the honesty of their dark side, On average, they were victims of violent trauma before they built a serious relationship, Gaslighting is a severe form of psychological manipulation and emotional abuse where one person seeks to make the victim doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. In relationships, this insidious behavior can have profound and long-lasting psychological effects.

💔 Long-Term Psychological Effects of Gaslighting

The constant, systematic erosion of reality caused by gaslighting can lead to serious mental health consequences that persist long after the abusive relationship ends.

 * Pervasive Self-Doubt and Confusion: This is the core long-term effect. Victims struggle to trust their instincts, feelings, and thoughts, which can extend beyond the abusive relationship and affect all areas of life, leading to indecision and an over-reliance on others for validation.

 * Mental Health Disorders: Chronic exposure to the stress and invalidation of gaslighting can contribute to or exacerbate mental health conditions, including:

   * Anxiety and Chronic Stress: The victim is constantly on edge, anticipating the next manipulation or lie, leading to a state of hypervigilance.

   * Depression: Feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and despair resulting from the ongoing emotional abuse and diminished self-worth.

   * **Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Complex PTSD (C-PTSD): Especially in severe cases, the trauma can result in symptoms like flashbacks, nightmares, and avoidance behaviors.

 * Erosion of Self-Esteem and Identity: Victims internalize the abuser's messages that they are "crazy," "wrong," or "too sensitive." They lose their sense of self, values, and worth, often believing their identity is defined by the gaslighter.

 * Social Isolation and Trust Issues: The gaslighter often isolates the victim from friends and family, making it harder to break free. Even after leaving, the trauma can cause difficulty trusting new people, opening up, or feeling safe in future healthy relationships.

 * Impaired Decision-Making: Due to constantly having their judgment questioned and invalidated, victims may become highly indecisive and feel incapable of making sound choices independently.

✅ How to Deal with Gaslighting and Begin Healing

Dealing with gaslighting involves strategies for immediate defense, establishing boundaries, and a long-term healing process to reclaim your reality.

1. Immediate Defenses & Validation

 * Acknowledge and Validate Your Experience: The most crucial first step is to recognize the manipulation and believe yourself. Tell yourself: "I know my reality," and "My feelings are valid."

 * **Document Everything (The "Paper Trail"): Keep a private, secure record of conversations, incidents, dates, and times. Writing down the facts can serve as a powerful reality check when the gaslighter tries to deny or distort what happened.

 * Disengage from the Argument: The gaslighter aims to draw you into circular arguments. Refuse to debate your reality. Use simple, non-emotional statements like:

   * "I know what I saw."

   * "That's your perception, and this is mine."

   * "I'm not going to continue this conversation right now."

2. Re-establishing Boundaries and Support

 * Set and Enforce Firm Boundaries: Clearly communicate what behavior you will and will not accept, and stick to the consequences if the boundary is violated. In severe cases, this means limiting or cutting off contact entirely.

 * Seek Outside Support: Talk to trusted friends, family members, or colleagues who can validate your experiences and perception of events. Gaslighters work by isolating you, so reconnecting with a supportive network is vital.

 * Educate Yourself: Learn about the tactics of gaslighting and emotional abuse. Understanding the mechanism of the manipulation empowers you to recognize it and resist it.

3. The Healing and Recovery Journey

 * Professional Therapy: A mental health professional (like a trauma-informed therapist or a therapist specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy/CBT) can provide essential tools for recovery. Therapy helps:

   * Process the trauma and grief.

   * Rebuild self-trust and self-esteem.

   * Challenge negative, internalized messages (cognitive restructuring).

 * Focus on Self-Care and Reconnection: Engage in activities that help you reconnect with your authentic self and intuition:

   * Journaling to anchor your thoughts and feelings.

   * Practicing mindfulness or meditation to feel grounded.

   * Engaging in hobbies, exercise, or creative activities that you enjoy and that reaffirm your self-agency.

 * Be Patient and Practice Self-Compassion: Healing from psychological abuse is a long, non-linear process. Forgive yourself for any perceived shortcomings, acknowledge that you are a survivor, and give yourself grace to heal at your own pace.

If you are currently in a situation involving gaslighting or other forms of emotional abuse, consider reaching out to a local abuse hotline or mental health professional for immediate support and resources.