Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to deal with an inner child which was hurt in the past", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone can deal the hurt inner child, "In psychology, the inner child is viewed as a part of a person's personality that retains characteristics, memories, and emotions from childhood—both positive and negative. When this inner child is wounded by trauma, neglect, or unhealthy parenting, it continues to "live" within the adult and influences the way we act today.
Below are psychological perspectives and ways to address these wounds:
Psychological Perspectives on the Wounded Inner Child
Psychology sees these wounds not merely as memories, but as trapped nervous system responses. Some of their impacts on adults include:
- Overreaction: Feeling extremely angry or sad over small issues because they trigger old memories.
- Poor Relationship Patterns: For example, fear of abandonment leading to excessive dependence, or conversely, being very closed off.
- Harsh Self-Criticism: Having an inner voice that always blames oneself—often an internalization of criticism from parents or the environment in the past.
- Coping Mechanisms: The emergence of destructive behaviors such as excessive perfectionism, difficulty saying "no," or escaping into unhealthy things.
Ways to Address the Wounded Inner Child
In psychotherapy, the healing process is usually carried out through the following techniques:
1. Reparenting (Being a Parent to Yourself)
This is the most popular method. You learn to give yourself now what you did not receive in the past.
- Validation: Telling yourself, "It's okay to feel sad; what happened back then was indeed painful."
- Protection: Learning to set boundaries to avoid being hurt by the same patterns again.
2. Dialogue and Letter-Writing
Try writing a letter from your adult self to your childhood self.
- Example: Write that you are safe now, and that you will take care of that "little one." Conversely, try writing down what the child feels using your non-dominant hand to access the emotional part of the brain.
3. Visualization and Meditation
Imagine meeting your younger self from the past. Hug them, listen to their story, and say the things they wanted to hear back then (such as "You are valuable" or "This is not your fault").
4. Expressive Therapy
Sometimes words are not enough. Using art therapy (drawing) or play therapy can help release repressed emotions without having to explain them logically.
5. Professional Help
If the wound stems from severe trauma (violence or abuse), it is highly recommended to see a psychologist. They may use methods such as:
- CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): Changing negative thought patterns.
- EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Helping process traumatic memories so they no longer feel painful.
Healing the inner child is a journey, not an instant destination. This process helps you live more peacefully in the present without being constantly driven by the pain of the past."