How to anticipate and manage deep trauma

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to anticipate and manage deep trauma", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people can't survive with a deep trauma in the past, as we know that anticipating and managing deep trauma is a process that requires patience, time, and self-compassion. Trauma is not just being "sad," but rather the nervous system's response to events that shake your sense of security.

 

Here are structured steps to help you manage the impact of trauma and prevent it from taking over your life:

 

1. Self-Stabilization (Emotional First Aid)

When memories or pain from trauma arise (flashbacks), your nervous system goes into fight, flight, or freeze mode. The first step is to bring yourself back to the "now" moment. 

- Grounding Techniques: Use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique to stop dissociation (feeling disconnected from reality).

- 5 things you can see.

- 4 things you can touch (texture of clothes, table).

- 3 sounds you can hear.

- 2 smells you can smell.

- 1 taste you can savor (or one good thing about yourself).

- Regulate Breathing: Deep breathing signals to the brain that you are safe. Try the 4-7-8 technique (Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale slowly for 8 seconds).

 

2. Validation and Acceptance

Often we try to "anticipate" trauma by rejecting it or pretending everything is fine. This actually makes things worse.

 

- Allow Yourself to Feel: It's okay to feel broken, angry, or scared. Those emotions are valid. Cry if necessary; tears contain stress hormones that the body needs to release.

- Avoid Toxic Positivity: Don't force yourself to immediately "take the lesson." Focus on healing the wound first before looking for meaning.

 

3. Rebuilding a Sense of Security

Trauma damages the sense of security. You need to rebuild structure in your life.

 

- Create Small Routines: Trauma creates chaos. Routines create predictability. Waking up, eating, and showering at the same time can be very helpful in stabilizing your mental state.

- Create a Safe Space: Designate one place (could be a bedroom or a specific corner) where you feel completely safe and have full control over the environment.

 

4. Processing Through Expression (Externalization)

Getting the trauma out of your head and into another medium helps reduce cognitive load.

 

- Journaling: Write down what you feel without editing it. The brain dump technique (dumping all the contents of your mind) is very effective in reducing noise in the head.

- Expressive Arts: Sometimes words are not enough. Drawing, painting, or listening to music can access the emotional parts of the brain that language cannot reach.

 

5. Professional Help (Highly Recommended)

Deep trauma often changes the structure of the brain and is difficult to heal alone. Professional therapy is the best form of anticipation to prevent trauma from becoming a long-term disorder (such as PTSD).

Consider the following therapies:

 

- CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): Helps change negative thought patterns.

- EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Very effective specifically for trauma, helping the brain reprocess painful memories.

- Somatic Therapy: Focuses on how trauma is stored in the body (such as chronic muscle tension).

 

6. Physical Body Care

Trauma is not just in the mind, but also in the body (The Body Keeps the Score).

 

- Physical Movement: Light exercise, yoga, or just walking helps burn adrenaline and cortisol that accumulate due to trauma stress.

- Adequate Sleep: While sleeping, the brain processes emotions. Sleep disturbances will make trauma recovery more difficult.

 

What to Avoid? 

- Self-Isolation: Being alone constantly gives room for negative thoughts to multiply. Stay connected with at least one person you trust.

- Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: Avoiding feelings with alcohol, illicit drugs, or impulsive behavior only delays the pain and adds new problems.

 

Brief Summary 

Phase Main Focus Action 

Present Moment Calm Deep breathing, 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding techniques 

 

Deep trauma is an "inner wound." Just like a broken bone that needs a cast and time to fuse back together, your inner self also needs time.

Why do we blame others for other people's Inability

 

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Why do we blame others for other people's Inability", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people like to blame others from inability, "From a psychological perspective, the answer is clear: Objectively, it's not feasible, yet subjectively, people often find themselves doing it. Psychology not only looks at the "facts" of inability but also examines why the human brain has a tendency (bias) to keep blaming—either blaming oneself (self-blame) or others—even when the inability is real.

 

Here's a breakdown from a psychological standpoint:

 

1. Why Do We Blame Others for Inability?

When we see others fail to do something (even if they are unable), our brains often experience a cognitive bias called the Fundamental Attribution Error.

 

- What is it? We tend to judge others' failures as a result of their internal character (lazy, stupid, careless), when in reality, it is due to external situations (illness, disaster, physical limitations).

- Example: Someone is late for a meeting because of a flat tire (situational/inability). Their boss might think, "They are a person who is undisciplined" (character), instead of "They are just having bad luck."

- Social Psychology: Humans do this to maintain a sense of safety. Acknowledging that "bad things can happen for no reason (external factors)" is scary. It's easier to blame the person.

 

2. Why Do We Blame Ourselves? (Illusion of Control)

This is the most painful phenomenon. Why does someone feel guilty for not being able to save a terminally ill parent or not being able to prevent an accident?

 

- Illusion of Control: Humans have a deep psychological need to feel in control. Acknowledging "I am powerless" is often more frightening than feeling guilty.

- Subconscious Logic: "If I feel guilty, it means I should have been able to do something." This provides a false sense of security that in the future, we can prevent bad things from happening again.

- Hindsight Bias: The tendency to see past events as something that "should have been predictable."

Example: "I should have known it would rain that day, so I wouldn't have taken them out." In fact, when the decision was made, that data did not exist or the ability to predict it was impossible.

 

3. The Concept of "Psychological Inability"

Psychology also introduces the nuance that "inability" is not just physical. There are conditions where the brain refuses to cooperate, which are often misinterpreted as "lazy" or "unwilling."

 

- Executive Dysfunction: Often occurs in ADHD, depression, or severe anxiety. Someone wants to do something, but the neural pathways in their brain are jammed. They are literally "unable" to start the task.

- Blaming people in this condition can worsen their mental state without improving performance.

- Learned Helplessness: If someone constantly fails or is suppressed, they may feel "unable" when they are actually capable. In this case, blaming them is also ineffective; they need confidence rehabilitation, not punishment.

 

4. The Impact of Blaming Inability

Blaming someone (or yourself) for something beyond their capacity is toxic to mental health (Toxic Guilt/Shame).

 

Aspect Healthy Guilt Toxic Guilt/Shame 

Trigger Making a mistake that is within our control. Feeling responsible for something beyond our control. 

Self-Message "I made a mistake." "I am a mistake/failure." 

Result Self-improvement & responsibility. Depression, anxiety, & mental paralysis. 

 

Psychological Conclusion

Psychology teaches the concept of Radical Acceptance:

 

- Acknowledging limitations is a sign of mental health, not weakness.

- Humans have cognitive, emotional, and physical limits.

- Blaming people (or yourself) for absolute inability is a form of cognitive distortion (irrational thinking).

 

Humans deserve to be forgiven for their limitations. Perfection is not a requirement for being a valuable human being."

The habit of people who like to dominate conversations

  Hi, today I would like to share the interesting topic namely "the habit of people who like to dominate conversations", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone is aware about the topic once they are talking with others, sometimes there are types of people who don't care who they are talking to, moreover, they also do not adjust to the conditions of the person they are talking to, The psychological view on the habit of people who like to dominate conversations (conversation monopolization) is that this behavior is often rooted in certain personality factors, motivations, and psychological needs, and can negatively impact social interactions.

 

In general, this dominating behavior indicates an imbalance in communication and can make the other person feel ignored or unappreciated.

 

🧐 Underlying Psychological Factors

The habit of dominating conversations can be caused by various factors, including:

 

1. - Need for Validation and Attention: Someone may talk excessively to gain approval, recognition, or attention from others. For them, attention is an affirmation (validation) that they are valued and important.

2. - Low Self-Esteem: Although they may appear confident, some people use conversation domination as a defense mechanism. They control the narrative and information shared to avoid criticism, judgment, or vulnerability.

3. - Narcissistic Traits: In more extreme cases, this behavior can be associated with Narcissistic Personality. Narcissistic individuals tend to have a sense of superiority, an excessive focus on themselves, and consider their ideas/opinions more important.

4. - Social Anxiety: Ironically, some people talk incessantly to avoid silence or social anxiety. They fill every gap in the conversation because they feel anxious or afraid that silence will cause them to lose the opportunity to speak or their ideas will be forgotten (cognitive impatience).

5. - Excessive Enthusiasm or Lack of Self-Awareness: Sometimes, this behavior arises from great enthusiasm for a topic or a lack of awareness of non-verbal cues (body language, expressions) from the other person who wants to interrupt or respond.

 

🗣️ Characteristics of Dominating Behavior

People who dominate conversations typically exhibit the following characteristics:

 

- Frequently Interrupting: They find it difficult to restrain themselves and often cut off other people's conversations to immediately convey their ideas or opinions.

- Focus on Themselves: The topic of conversation tends to revolve back to their own experiences, achievements, or opinions.

- Lack of Active Listening: They may appear to be listening, but are actually just waiting for their turn to speak or formulating a response, rather than understanding other people's perspectives.

- Wanting to Control the Direction of the Conversation: They try to steer the discussion topic to areas they master or want, ignoring topics brought up by others.

 

📉 Social Impact

From a social psychology perspective, the habit of dominating can damage relationships and group interactions. Others tend to feel uncomfortable, ignored, or unappreciated, which can ultimately lead to the dominating person being shunned in social circles, even though the initial intention may have only been to share or interact.

 

Understanding this can help individuals with this habit to practice more balanced communication skills, such as listening actively and giving space to others."