Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Why do we blame others for other people's Inability", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people like to blame others from inability, "From a psychological perspective, the answer is clear: Objectively, it's not feasible, yet subjectively, people often find themselves doing it. Psychology not only looks at the "facts" of inability but also examines why the human brain has a tendency (bias) to keep blaming—either blaming oneself (self-blame) or others—even when the inability is real.
Here's a breakdown from a psychological standpoint:
1. Why Do We Blame Others for Inability?
When we see others fail to do something (even if they are unable), our brains often experience a cognitive bias called the Fundamental Attribution Error.
- What is it? We tend to judge others' failures as a result of their internal character (lazy, stupid, careless), when in reality, it is due to external situations (illness, disaster, physical limitations).
- Example: Someone is late for a meeting because of a flat tire (situational/inability). Their boss might think, "They are a person who is undisciplined" (character), instead of "They are just having bad luck."
- Social Psychology: Humans do this to maintain a sense of safety. Acknowledging that "bad things can happen for no reason (external factors)" is scary. It's easier to blame the person.
2. Why Do We Blame Ourselves? (Illusion of Control)
This is the most painful phenomenon. Why does someone feel guilty for not being able to save a terminally ill parent or not being able to prevent an accident?
- Illusion of Control: Humans have a deep psychological need to feel in control. Acknowledging "I am powerless" is often more frightening than feeling guilty.
- Subconscious Logic: "If I feel guilty, it means I should have been able to do something." This provides a false sense of security that in the future, we can prevent bad things from happening again.
- Hindsight Bias: The tendency to see past events as something that "should have been predictable."
Example: "I should have known it would rain that day, so I wouldn't have taken them out." In fact, when the decision was made, that data did not exist or the ability to predict it was impossible.
3. The Concept of "Psychological Inability"
Psychology also introduces the nuance that "inability" is not just physical. There are conditions where the brain refuses to cooperate, which are often misinterpreted as "lazy" or "unwilling."
- Executive Dysfunction: Often occurs in ADHD, depression, or severe anxiety. Someone wants to do something, but the neural pathways in their brain are jammed. They are literally "unable" to start the task.
- Blaming people in this condition can worsen their mental state without improving performance.
- Learned Helplessness: If someone constantly fails or is suppressed, they may feel "unable" when they are actually capable. In this case, blaming them is also ineffective; they need confidence rehabilitation, not punishment.
4. The Impact of Blaming Inability
Blaming someone (or yourself) for something beyond their capacity is toxic to mental health (Toxic Guilt/Shame).
Aspect Healthy Guilt Toxic Guilt/Shame
Trigger Making a mistake that is within our control. Feeling responsible for something beyond our control.
Self-Message "I made a mistake." "I am a mistake/failure."
Result Self-improvement & responsibility. Depression, anxiety, & mental paralysis.
Psychological Conclusion
Psychology teaches the concept of Radical Acceptance:
- Acknowledging limitations is a sign of mental health, not weakness.
- Humans have cognitive, emotional, and physical limits.
- Blaming people (or yourself) for absolute inability is a form of cognitive distortion (irrational thinking).
Humans deserve to be forgiven for their limitations. Perfection is not a requirement for being a valuable human being."