Why do we blame others for other people's Inability

 

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Why do we blame others for other people's Inability", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people like to blame others from inability, "From a psychological perspective, the answer is clear: Objectively, it's not feasible, yet subjectively, people often find themselves doing it. Psychology not only looks at the "facts" of inability but also examines why the human brain has a tendency (bias) to keep blaming—either blaming oneself (self-blame) or others—even when the inability is real.

 

Here's a breakdown from a psychological standpoint:

 

1. Why Do We Blame Others for Inability?

When we see others fail to do something (even if they are unable), our brains often experience a cognitive bias called the Fundamental Attribution Error.

 

- What is it? We tend to judge others' failures as a result of their internal character (lazy, stupid, careless), when in reality, it is due to external situations (illness, disaster, physical limitations).

- Example: Someone is late for a meeting because of a flat tire (situational/inability). Their boss might think, "They are a person who is undisciplined" (character), instead of "They are just having bad luck."

- Social Psychology: Humans do this to maintain a sense of safety. Acknowledging that "bad things can happen for no reason (external factors)" is scary. It's easier to blame the person.

 

2. Why Do We Blame Ourselves? (Illusion of Control)

This is the most painful phenomenon. Why does someone feel guilty for not being able to save a terminally ill parent or not being able to prevent an accident?

 

- Illusion of Control: Humans have a deep psychological need to feel in control. Acknowledging "I am powerless" is often more frightening than feeling guilty.

- Subconscious Logic: "If I feel guilty, it means I should have been able to do something." This provides a false sense of security that in the future, we can prevent bad things from happening again.

- Hindsight Bias: The tendency to see past events as something that "should have been predictable."

Example: "I should have known it would rain that day, so I wouldn't have taken them out." In fact, when the decision was made, that data did not exist or the ability to predict it was impossible.

 

3. The Concept of "Psychological Inability"

Psychology also introduces the nuance that "inability" is not just physical. There are conditions where the brain refuses to cooperate, which are often misinterpreted as "lazy" or "unwilling."

 

- Executive Dysfunction: Often occurs in ADHD, depression, or severe anxiety. Someone wants to do something, but the neural pathways in their brain are jammed. They are literally "unable" to start the task.

- Blaming people in this condition can worsen their mental state without improving performance.

- Learned Helplessness: If someone constantly fails or is suppressed, they may feel "unable" when they are actually capable. In this case, blaming them is also ineffective; they need confidence rehabilitation, not punishment.

 

4. The Impact of Blaming Inability

Blaming someone (or yourself) for something beyond their capacity is toxic to mental health (Toxic Guilt/Shame).

 

Aspect Healthy Guilt Toxic Guilt/Shame 

Trigger Making a mistake that is within our control. Feeling responsible for something beyond our control. 

Self-Message "I made a mistake." "I am a mistake/failure." 

Result Self-improvement & responsibility. Depression, anxiety, & mental paralysis. 

 

Psychological Conclusion

Psychology teaches the concept of Radical Acceptance:

 

- Acknowledging limitations is a sign of mental health, not weakness.

- Humans have cognitive, emotional, and physical limits.

- Blaming people (or yourself) for absolute inability is a form of cognitive distortion (irrational thinking).

 

Humans deserve to be forgiven for their limitations. Perfection is not a requirement for being a valuable human being."

The habit of people who like to dominate conversations

  Hi, today I would like to share the interesting topic namely "the habit of people who like to dominate conversations", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone is aware about the topic once they are talking with others, sometimes there are types of people who don't care who they are talking to, moreover, they also do not adjust to the conditions of the person they are talking to, The psychological view on the habit of people who like to dominate conversations (conversation monopolization) is that this behavior is often rooted in certain personality factors, motivations, and psychological needs, and can negatively impact social interactions.

 

In general, this dominating behavior indicates an imbalance in communication and can make the other person feel ignored or unappreciated.

 

🧐 Underlying Psychological Factors

The habit of dominating conversations can be caused by various factors, including:

 

1. - Need for Validation and Attention: Someone may talk excessively to gain approval, recognition, or attention from others. For them, attention is an affirmation (validation) that they are valued and important.

2. - Low Self-Esteem: Although they may appear confident, some people use conversation domination as a defense mechanism. They control the narrative and information shared to avoid criticism, judgment, or vulnerability.

3. - Narcissistic Traits: In more extreme cases, this behavior can be associated with Narcissistic Personality. Narcissistic individuals tend to have a sense of superiority, an excessive focus on themselves, and consider their ideas/opinions more important.

4. - Social Anxiety: Ironically, some people talk incessantly to avoid silence or social anxiety. They fill every gap in the conversation because they feel anxious or afraid that silence will cause them to lose the opportunity to speak or their ideas will be forgotten (cognitive impatience).

5. - Excessive Enthusiasm or Lack of Self-Awareness: Sometimes, this behavior arises from great enthusiasm for a topic or a lack of awareness of non-verbal cues (body language, expressions) from the other person who wants to interrupt or respond.

 

🗣️ Characteristics of Dominating Behavior

People who dominate conversations typically exhibit the following characteristics:

 

- Frequently Interrupting: They find it difficult to restrain themselves and often cut off other people's conversations to immediately convey their ideas or opinions.

- Focus on Themselves: The topic of conversation tends to revolve back to their own experiences, achievements, or opinions.

- Lack of Active Listening: They may appear to be listening, but are actually just waiting for their turn to speak or formulating a response, rather than understanding other people's perspectives.

- Wanting to Control the Direction of the Conversation: They try to steer the discussion topic to areas they master or want, ignoring topics brought up by others.

 

📉 Social Impact

From a social psychology perspective, the habit of dominating can damage relationships and group interactions. Others tend to feel uncomfortable, ignored, or unappreciated, which can ultimately lead to the dominating person being shunned in social circles, even though the initial intention may have only been to share or interact.

 

Understanding this can help individuals with this habit to practice more balanced communication skills, such as listening actively and giving space to others."

Does everyone have the right to be a righteous person?

  

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Does everyone have the right to be a righteous person?" The main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone braves enough to learn something from the wrongdoings and how they leave their old behavior to shape new one, To be a righteous person, we must admit our mistakes first, after that we leave those mistakes permanently and start new habits. In general, in the context of human rights and self-potential, everyone has the right to live a life that is right and to have views that they consider right. However, the meaning of "a righteous person" varies greatly depending on the lens used.

 

Here is a review from a psychological perspective: 

Psychological View of the Concept of "Righteous Person" 

The science of psychology tends not to use the term "righteous person" in an absolute moral or spiritual sense. Instead, psychology focuses more on the concepts of adaptive behavior, mental health, emotional maturity, and morality based on cognitive and social development.

 

Psychology views that individuals have the potential to develop in a better direction (self-actualization) and make ethical choices, but rejects the single concept of absolute truth.

 

1. Behavior Considered "Right" Psychologically

 

In psychology, characteristics that are considered to contribute to well-being and healthy social functioning (often broadly associated with living life "right") include:

 

- Integrity and Authenticity: Living in harmony between self-values (internal) and actions (external).

- Empathy and Moral Compass: The ability to understand and feel the feelings of others, and to act in accordance with socially accepted moral standards to avoid harm to oneself and others.

- Resilience and Adaptability: Being able to cope with life's pressures and learn from mistakes (maturity).

- Self-Awareness (Metacognitive): The ability to reflect on one's own thoughts and actions.

 

2. Criticism of "Feeling the Most Righteous"

 

On the other hand, psychology is very critical of the concept of "feeling the most righteous" (often referred to as self-righteousness or God Complex). This attitude is seen as maladaptive behavior and can actually damage interpersonal well-being.

 

Negative Characteristics of "Feeling the Most Righteous":

 

- Cognitive Bias: Tend to only accept information that supports one's own views (Confirmation Bias) and ignore conflicting evidence.

- Egoscentism and Lack of Empathy: Difficulty seeing from other people's perspectives and the belief that their views are the only valid ones.

- Defense Mechanism: Often a psychological shield to protect vulnerable self-esteem (deep insecurity).

- Rejection of Criticism: Viewing criticism as a personal attack, which hinders personal growth and the ability to learn from mistakes.

 

⚖️ Conclusion

 

In essence, in psychology, what is more important than being a "righteous person" is being a whole (holistic), self-aware, and adaptive person, who is open to the possibility that they may be wrong and continuously strives to grow."