Overcoming insecurity in new relationships after post-traumatic stress

 

    Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely ""Overcoming Insecurity in New Relationships After Post-Traumatic Stress",  The reason I chose this topic is because many couples are not ready to heal when they experience injustice in a relationship, Some couples try to consult a psychologist to get enlightenment and healing from trauma, here's a more in-depth guide on how to overcome insecurity in new relationships after experiencing post-traumatic stress, 

 

- Understanding the Challenge: Building a new relationship after experiencing trauma can be very challenging. Past traumatic experiences can trigger feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and deep-seated fear, which in turn can affect how you connect with your new partner.

- Key Principles: Acknowledge and accept your feelings, communicate openly and honestly, prioritize self-care, and seek professional support if needed.

 

1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings 

- Recognizing Your Emotions: The first step is to identify the specific emotions you are feeling. Are they fear, anxiety, distrust, or a combination of all of these? Recognizing these emotions is key to starting to cope with them.

- Example: Record your feelings in a journal every day. This can help you identify patterns and triggers.

- Validating Your Feelings: Remind yourself that your feelings are valid and reasonable. Trauma can leave deep and lasting emotional wounds. Don't underestimate or ignore your feelings.

- Example: Say to yourself, "It's okay to feel scared. I've been through a lot, and it's natural for me to feel this way."

- Avoiding Self-Blame: Don't criticize or blame yourself for feeling insecure. This is a natural response to your past experiences. Remember that you are in the process of healing.

- Example: Instead of thinking, "I'm too sensitive," try thinking, "I'm responding based on my past experiences, and I'm learning how to respond in a healthier way."

 

2. Communicate Openly with Your Partner 

- Choosing the Right Time: Choose a quiet and private time and place to talk to your partner. Make sure you both feel comfortable and are not rushed.

- Being Honest and Open: Share your past experiences and how those experiences affect you now. This will help your partner understand you better.

- Example: Say, "I want to be honest with you about something that has happened in my life. I experienced [trauma], and it sometimes makes me feel."

- Using "I" Statements: Express your feelings without blaming your partner. This helps create a safe space for honest communication.

- Example: Instead of saying, "You make me anxious," try saying, "I feel anxious when [situation] is different than my expectations."

- Listening Actively: Pay full attention to your partner's responses and show empathy. Try to understand their perspective.

- Example: Ask questions like, "How do you feel about what I just shared?" or "Is there anything you want to ask me?"

- Setting Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries and needs. This helps create a healthy and mutually respectful relationship.

- Example: Say, "I might need some alone time when I feel overwhelmed. Can you respect that?"

 

3. Practicing Self-Care 

- Mindfulness: Practice being fully present in the moment. This can reduce anxiety and help you stay grounded.

- Example: Try deep breathing exercises or meditation. There are many apps and online resources that can help you get started.

- Physical Health: Exercise regularly, eat a balanced diet, and get enough sleep. Good physical health can improve your mental health.

- Example: Schedule exercise at least three times a week. Choose activities you enjoy, such as walking, swimming, or dancing.

- Hobbies: Engage in activities you enjoy to reduce stress and improve your mood.

- Example: Make time for reading, painting, listening to music, or spending time in nature.

- Limiting Triggers: Identify and minimize exposure to things that trigger your trauma.

- Example: If news of violence triggers you, limit your time watching the news or reading related articles.

 

4. Building Trust Gradually 

- Starting Small: Start with small acts of trust and gradually increase them as you feel more comfortable.

- Example: Ask your partner to accompany you to a small social event or share a small secret with them.

- Being Patient: Trust takes time to build, especially after trauma. Don't rush the process.

- Example: Remember that every relationship has its own pace. Don't compare your relationship to other people's relationships.

- Celebrating Small Victories: Acknowledge and appreciate every step forward in building trust.

- Example: Say to yourself, "I feel more comfortable sharing my feelings with [partner's name]. This is progress!"

 

5. Seeking Professional Support 

- Therapy: A therapist specializing in trauma can provide tools and strategies to manage your emotions and build healthy relationships.

- Types of Therapy: Some effective types of therapy for trauma include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, and sensorimotor therapy.

- Support Groups: Connecting with others who have similar experiences can provide validation and support.

- Resources: Look for support groups online or in your community. Many organizations provide free or low-cost support groups.

- Medication: In some cases, medication may be helpful in managing symptoms of anxiety or depression. Talk to your doctor about medication options that are right for you.

 

6. Challenging Negative Thoughts 

- Identifying Negative Patterns: Recognize common negative thought patterns associated with your trauma.

- Example: "I'm not good enough," or "I'm going to get hurt again."

- Challenging These Thoughts: Question the validity of negative thoughts. Are they based on facts or assumptions?

- Example: Ask yourself, "Is there any evidence to support this thought? Is there another way to look at this situation?"

- Replacing with Positive Affirmations: Counteract negative thoughts with positive and realistic statements about yourself and your relationship.

- Example: Instead of thinking, "I'll never be able to trust anyone," try thinking, "I'm learning how to trust others, and I deserve a healthy relationship."

 

7. Practicing Forgiveness 

- Forgiving Yourself: Release any guilt or self-blame associated with your trauma.

- Example: Remember that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time.

- Forgiving Others: If possible, consider forgiving those who caused you"

Hopefully this article can give you an insight to improve your relationship in the future 

The Requirements of a Soul Mission

  Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "The Requirements of a Soul Mission", the reason I chose this topic is because many people are not educated to detect their soul mission from childhood, To do something great requires firm thinking before making a decision, we have to start selecting some information about what we like, then we have to know how to accept risks before we enter the uncomfortable zone,

The concept of "soul mission" (or life purpose) is a spiritual and philosophical term that refers to your deepest purpose or reason for being on this earth, beyond your job or social status.

Detecting and understanding your soul mission requires deep self-reflection and awareness.

1. How to Detect Your Soul Mission (The Calling)

Your soul mission isn't always a "spectacular job," but more often an energy, quality, or contribution you want to consistently embody. You can detect it in several ways:

A. Observing Your Deepest Calling

Notice Where You Feel Flow: Identify what activities—whether work, hobbies, or interactions—make you lose track of time, and after engaging in them, you feel fulfilled, energized, and aligned. That's your soul's energy path.

Identify Your "Core Gifts": What are you naturally good at without much effort, and what benefits others? Your soul's mission often relates to how you use your innate gifts (such as listening, teaching, creating systems, or creating beauty).

Look at What Makes You Angry/Concerned: Strong anger or concern about a problem (e.g, injustice, lack of beauty, or lack of knowledge) often indicates that your soul's mission is to be part of the solution to that problem.

Reflect on the Past: Review difficult moments or major challenges in your life. What lessons did you learn, and how can you now use those lessons to help others in a similar position? (Example: "I went through a difficult time, and now my mission is to heal or guide others through similar experiences.")

B. Creating a Quiet Space

Practice Stillness: Your soul's mission is often referred to as the "whisper of the soul." You won't hear it amidst the hustle and bustle. Take time for meditation, reflective journaling, or being in nature to quiet the ego mind and allow intuition to emerge.

 Future Self Visualization: Imagine yourself in 5 or 10 years, living your best, most fulfilled life. Ask that "future self," "What are you really doing? What are you spreading?"

2. Knowing What Your Soul Mission Requires

Your soul mission requires personal growth and often requires you to overcome your limitations and raise your vibration.

Authenticity: A soul mission requires you to shed social masks and the rigid standards of the world. You must be your true self—including accepting your weaknesses and uniqueness—because your mission can only be realized by the real "you." 

Vulnerability: You must be brave enough to take the risk of showing up fully and not be afraid of judgment when doing what you believe in. A soul mission is not about perfection, but about the sincerity of contribution. 

Take the First Step: A soul mission is a journey, not a single destination. It requires you to focus on the journey and dare to take the first step, even when you have not seen the whole path. Each aligned small step will reveal the next. 

Service: A soul mission is transcendent, meaning it is always connected to others. Ask yourself, "How can I serve/benefit today?" The act of serving, however simple, automatically aligns you with a higher purpose."

Here is the additional information: A true soul mission is not about labels (professions), but about being a channel of positive energy that flows through your actions and presence.

How to Find Your Soul's Mission:

- Introspection: Take time to reflect and ask yourself these important questions:

- What am I truly passionate about?

- What makes me feel alive and passionate?

- What values are most important to me?

- What problems do I want to solve in the world?

- What are my natural talents and abilities saying when I focus into specific information?

- Exploration: Try new things and step outside your comfort zone. Take a course, join a community, volunteer, or travel. New experiences can unlock hidden insights and interests.

- Pay Attention to Signs: Pay attention to things that catch your attention, opportunities that arise, and people who inspire you. These could be clues from the universe leading you to your soul's mission.

- Listen to Your Intuition: Trust your feelings and instincts. Intuition is your inner compass that guides you on the right path.

- Don't Be Afraid to Fail: The process of discovering your soul's mission can be long and winding. Don't give up if you encounter difficulties or failures. Every experience is a valuable lesson that brings you closer to your goal.

How to Align Yourself with Your Soul's Mission:

- Live in Alignment with Your Values: Ensure your actions and decisions align with your values. This will give you a sense of integrity and fulfillment.

- Use Your Talents to Serve Others: Your soul's mission often involves using your talents and abilities to help others or make a difference in the world.

- Take Risks: Living your soul's mission often requires the courage to step out of your comfort zone and take risks. Don't let fear stop you from pursuing your dreams.

- Be Patient and Trust: The process of aligning with your soul's mission takes time and patience. Trust that you are on the right path and that the universe will support you.

- Seek Support: Join a community or group that shares similar interests. Sharing experiences and learning from others can provide support and motivation.

Conclusion:

- Aligning with your soul's mission is a uniquely personal journey. There are no right or wrong answers. The most important thing is to listen to your heart, follow your intuition, and dare to live a meaningful and fulfilling life.

- By discovering and living your soul's mission, you will not only reach your full potential, but also make a positive contribution to the world and leave a lasting legacy.

Recognizing and Dealing with the Emotional Manipulation Tactics of a Covert Narcissist

  Today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Recognizing and Dealing with the Emotional Manipulation Tactics of a Covert Narcissist", The reason I chose this topic is because there are many manipulative tricks that occur in this modern era, let's delve deeper into how to recognize and deal with the emotional manipulation tactics of a covert narcissist, using a more comprehensive and detailed approach.

 

Recognizing the Emotional Manipulation Tactics of a Covert Narcissist: An In-Depth Analysis

 

Covert narcissists, unlike overt narcissists who tend to be blunt and aggressive, use a series of more subtle and veiled manipulation tactics to control and manipulate others. These tactics are often difficult to recognize because they are disguised as seemingly harmless or even sympathetic behavior. Here is an in-depth analysis of some common tactics they often use:

 

Self-Deprecation:

- Definition: This tactic involves statements or behaviors that belittle oneself in order to gain validation, sympathy, or praise from others.

- Implication: Covert narcissists use this as a way to attract attention and make others feel sorry for them or responsible for boosting their self-esteem. This creates a dynamic where the victim feels obligated to constantly provide emotional support.

- Example: "I'm really stupid about this," or "I can never do anything right."

Playing Victim:

- Definition: Creating a narrative where they are the victim in various situations, often by exaggerating problems or blaming others for the difficulties they experience.

- Implication: The goal is to gain validation, emotional support, and avoid responsibility for their actions. It can also be used to manipulate others into feeling guilty and fulfilling their desires.

- Example: "Everyone always misunderstands me," or "I'm always a victim of circumstances."

Gaslighting:

- Definition: A form of psychological manipulation that makes the victim doubt their own sanity, memory, or perceptions.

- Implication: Covert narcissists use this to control the victim's reality and make them dependent on the narcissist for validation. This can lead to confusion, anxiety, and loss of self-confidence.

- Example: Denying obvious events, changing the narrative of events, or saying "You're too sensitive" to belittle the victim's feelings.

Silent Treatment:

- Definition: Withdrawing emotionally and refusing to communicate as a way to punish, control, or manipulate others.

- Implication: This creates uncertainty, anxiety, and guilt in the victim. Covert narcissists use this to force the victim to apologize or meet their demands.

- Example: Ignoring calls or messages, avoiding eye contact, or refusing to speak for days or even weeks.

Passive-Aggression:

- Definition: Expressing anger, dissatisfaction, or hostility indirectly, through innuendo, sarcasm, procrastination, or sabotage.

- Implication: This allows covert narcissists to avoid direct confrontation while still hurting or annoying others. It can also make the victim feel confused and frustrated because it is difficult to address the behavior directly.

- Example: "Sure, I'll do it," in a sarcastic tone, or deliberately delaying an important task to upset others.

Guilt-Tripping:

- Definition: Making others feel guilty about their actions or feelings as a way to manipulate behavior.

- Implication: Covert narcissists use this to force others to do what they want by exploiting their feelings of guilt or moral obligation.

- Example: "After all I've done for you, you can't do this for me?" or "I'm so disappointed in you."

Triangulation:

- Definition: Involving a third party in a conflict to create division, control the situation, or gain validation.

- Implication: This can damage relationships, create competition, and make the victim feel isolated. Covert narcissists use this to divide and conquer.

- Example: Comparing the victim to others, using others to convey messages, or creating alliances with others to fight the victim.

Emotional Blackmail:

- Definition: Threatening or emotionally pressuring others to get what they want.

- Implication: This is a very damaging form of manipulation that can cause fear, anxiety, and loss of self-esteem. Covert narcissists use this to control the victim through fear and obligation.

- Example: Threatening to hurt themselves, reveal secrets, or withdraw love and support if the victim does not meet their demands.

 

How to Deal with a Covert Narcissist: A Comprehensive Strategy

 

Dealing with a covert narcissist requires a careful, consistent, and self-protective strategy. Here are the steps you can take:

 

1. Recognize the Patterns: Increase Self-Awareness

- Action: Record your behavior and interactions with the person. Identify the patterns of manipulation they use and how you respond to them.

- Goal: Understanding their tactics allows you to anticipate and respond more effectively.

2. Set Clear Boundaries: Prioritize Your Needs

- Action: Define clear boundaries about what you can accept and what you cannot. Communicate these boundaries firmly and consistently.

- Goal: Protecting yourself from manipulation and ensuring that your needs are met.

3. Maintain Emotional Distance: Protect Your Energy

- Action: Don't get involved in drama or try to fix them. Limit interactions and avoid sharing personal information.

- Goal: Preventing yourself from being drawn into the cycle of manipulation and maintaining your emotional health.

4. Avoid Arguments: Focus on Facts

- Action: Don't get involved in unproductive debates. Focus on the facts and avoid getting emotionally triggered.

- Goal: Preventing them from twisting the facts and provoking you.

5. Validate Yourself: Trust Your Intuition

- Action: Don't seek validation from a covert narcissist. Trust your intuition and validate your own feelings.

- Goal: Building self-confidence and reducing your dependence on external validation.

6. Seek Support: Don't Do This Alone

- Action: Talk to friends, family, or a mental health professional for support and an objective perspective.

- Goal: Gaining emotional support, practical advice, and strategies for dealing with the situation.

7. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize Your Well-being

- Action: Prioritize your physical and emotional needs. Do activities that make you feel good, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with positive people.

- Goal: Restoring your energy, reducing stress, and improving your overall well-being.

8. Consider Ending the Relationship: Prioritize Your Health

- Action: If the relationship with a covert narcissist is too damaging, consider ending the relationship.

- Goal: Protecting your mental and emotional health and creating space for healthier and more positive relationships.