How to know if someone is good before marrying someone else

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "How to know if someone is good before marrying someone else", The main reason why I chose this topic is because many young couples rush into marriage without knowing the quality of their partner. To know someone's character before they are married, we need to take anticipatory action sich as, we see how a person treats money, whether he is reckless in using money or very careful,  how he treated his biological parents, and how a person speaks when he is angry,  Now,  let's delve deeper into how to know if someone is good before getting married, using a more comprehensive approach:

 

✏️Building a Solid Foundation Before Marriage: Delving Deeper into the Character of a Potential Partner

 

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, so choosing the right partner is a crucial decision. Knowing if someone is "good" before marriage requires in-depth observation, open communication, and careful evaluation. Here's a more detailed guide:

 

1. Observing Daily Behavior: The Microscope of True Character

- Interactions with Others:

- Treatment of the "weak": Observe how they interact with restaurant staff, janitors, or even animals. Do they show patience, respect, and empathy? People of good character treat all beings with dignity, regardless of social status.

- Response to mistakes: How do they react when others make mistakes? Are they quick to forgive or do they hold grudges? The ability to forgive is an important indicator of emotional maturity.

- Emotional Management:

- Reaction to stress: Observe how they handle pressure at work, family problems, or traffic jams. Do they remain calm and seek solutions, or do they explode and blame others? The ability to manage stress is key to a harmonious relationship.

- Response to disappointment: How do they react when their plans fail or their expectations are not met? Are they able to accept disappointment gracefully and learn from it, or do they lament their fate and blame circumstances?

- Habits and Routines:

- Time management: Are they punctual or often late? How do they manage their schedule? Good time management shows respect for other people's time.

- Cleanliness and tidiness: Do they maintain personal hygiene and keep their environment clean? Cleanliness and tidiness reflect discipline and attention to detail.

- Social media use: How do they use social media? Are they wise in sharing information and interacting with others online? Social media can be a window into their values and views.

2. Open and Honest Communication: A Bridge to Understanding

- Values and Principles of Life:

- In-depth discussion: Talk about the values that are most important to you, such as honesty, loyalty, family, religion, and justice. Do they have views that align with yours?

- Response to differences: If there are differences of opinion, how do they respond? Are they open to discussing and finding common ground, or do they insist on their own opinion?

- Hopes and Dreams:

- Vision of marriage and family: Discuss your expectations about marriage, the roles of husband and wife, the division of household chores, child education, and family financial management. Do they have the same vision as you?

- Life goals: Talk about your life goals, both personal and professional. Do they support your dreams?

- Past and Life Experiences:

- Previous relationships: Ask about previous romantic relationships, what they learned from them, and how they ended those relationships.

- Difficult experiences: Ask about difficult experiences they have had and how they overcame them. This can provide an overview of their mental and emotional resilience.

- Relationship with family: Ask about their relationship with their parents and siblings. How do they interact with them? Family relationships can provide clues about how they will treat you as a partner.

3. Interaction with the Social Environment: Observing in Context

- Friends and Family:

- Quality of relationships: Observe how they interact with their friends. Do they have loyal and supportive friends? The quality of friendships reflects their own quality.

- Family opinions: Listen to what their family says about them. Do they provide positive support or are they worried about something?

- How They Talk About Others:

- Gossip and criticism: Are they prone to gossip or criticize others behind their backs? A good person will avoid such behavior.

- Empathy and support: Do they show empathy towards others and are they willing to help those in need?

- Contribution in the Community:

- Social activities: Are they involved in social or volunteer activities? Involvement in the community shows concern for others.

- Environmental awareness: Do they care about the environment and strive to live sustainably?

4. Consistency Evaluation: Looking for Clear Patterns

- Words and Deeds:

- Promises kept: Do they always keep their promises? Consistency between words and deeds is a sign of integrity.

- Responsibility: Are they responsible for their actions? Do they admit their mistakes and try to fix them?

- Behavioral Changes:

- Authenticity: Are they always being themselves, or are they trying to be someone different to impress you? Authenticity is key to a lasting relationship.

- Emotional stability: Do they have extreme mood swings or unpredictable behavior? Emotional stability is important for creating a sense of security in a relationship.

5. Intuition and Personal Feelings: A Voice of the Heart That Should Not Be Ignored

- Comfort and Security:

- Feelings around them: Do you feel comfortable and safe when you are with them? Do you feel you can be yourself without fear of being judged?

- Trust: Do you feel you can trust them completely? Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship.

- Positive Influence:

- Motivation: Do they motivate you to be a better person? Do they support your personal growth?

- Happiness: Do you feel happy and peaceful when you are with them?

 

In addition to the points above, there are several cultural values that are important to consider in the context of Indonesia.

 

- Adab and Manners: Pay attention to how they speak and behave towards older or respected people.

- Family Responsibility: Pay attention to how they fulfill their obligations to their family, especially their parents.

- Religion and Beliefs: Pay attention to how they practice their religion. Are they devout and obedient, or just formal?

- Parental Blessing: Getting parental blessing is very important in Indonesian culture.

 

✏️Important Warnings: 

- Don't ignore red flags. If something makes you uncomfortable or suspicious, don't hesitate to ask or find out more. Some red flags to watch out for include: physical or verbal violence, addiction, lies, infidelity, and excessive control.

- Don't be idealistic. No one is perfect. Accept your partner's shortcomings, but never tolerate harmful or disrespectful behavior.

- Trust yourself. You are the one who knows best for yourself. Don't let others pressure you into marrying someone you don't love or trust.

 

By making careful observations, communicating openly, and listening to your intuition, you can make a wiser decision about whether someone is "good" for you before getting married. Marriage is a long journey, so make sure you choose a partner who will be a true friend, lover, and partner in good times and bad."

Using resilience in the face of discomfort

  Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Using resilience in the face of discomfort" , The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people choose to do things they like even though the level of difficulty is small, In order to survive, sometimes humans have to experience discomfort in order to find a stable position.  In the world of psychology, self-efficacy is a very important concept. Simply put, self-efficacy is a person's belief or confidence in their ability to succeed in a particular situation or task.

This concept was popularized by psychologist Albert Bandura as part of his social cognitive theory.

Here are key points to understand the meaning of self-efficacy:

 

- Not about Skills, but Belief: Self-efficacy is not the same as the skills you possess. Someone might have all the necessary skills for a job, but if their self-efficacy is low, they might not be confident that they can perform well. Conversely, an individual with high self-efficacy will be confident that they can use their skills to achieve their goals.

- Task-Specific: Self-efficacy is usually specific to a particular task or domain. For example, you might have high self-efficacy in playing music, but low self-efficacy in public speaking.

- Not Self-Esteem: Self-efficacy is different from self-esteem. Self-esteem is a person's general evaluation of their self-worth, whereas self-efficacy is a specific belief about one's ability to perform a task. You can have high self-esteem in general, but low self-efficacy for a specific task.

- Influences Actions and Motivation: Self-efficacy plays a crucial role in determining:

- Behavioral Choices: Individuals with high self-efficacy tend to choose challenging tasks and view obstacles as challenges, not threats.

- Effort and Perseverance: They are more persistent and resilient in the face of difficulties. They will try harder and not give up easily.

- Thoughts and Emotions: High self-efficacy can reduce stress and anxiety when facing difficult tasks.

- Factors Shaping Self-Efficacy: According to Bandura, self-efficacy is formed from several sources, including:

- Mastery Experiences: Successfully completing a task in the past is the strongest source of self-efficacy.

- Vicarious Experiences: Witnessing others similar to us succeed in a task can also increase our belief that we can do it.

- Social Persuasion: Encouragement, praise, or positive words from others (e.g., teachers, mentors, or friends) can convince us that we have the ability to succeed.

- Physiological and Emotional States: Understanding and managing bodily responses (such as an increased heart rate) as signs of excitement or challenge, rather than anxiety, can influence self-efficacy.

 

Overall, self-efficacy is at the core of how an individual perceives and approaches challenges in life. This belief is not just about "self-confidence," but a profound conviction that influences one's motivation, behavior, and resilience in achieving their goals.

Self-efficacy plays a crucial role in the business world, for both entrepreneurs and employees. High self-efficacy can influence how a person faces challenges, makes decisions, and achieves success.

Here are some concrete examples of self-efficacy in the business world:

1. Self-Efficacy in Entrepreneurs

* Starting a New Business: A prospective entrepreneur with high self-efficacy will believe they have the ability to overcome unexpected challenges, such as raising capital, developing a product, and competing in a competitive market. This belief drives them to actually start a business, rather than just talk about it.

* Facing Failure: When their business experiences losses or fails to achieve targets, entrepreneurs with high self-efficacy will not give up easily. They will view failure as a learning experience and believe they can bounce back with a better strategy. For example, they will analyze mistakes, adjust their business model, and try again.

* Innovation and Risk-Taking: They have a strong belief in their ability to find new solutions (innovation) and take calculated risks. They are not afraid to try new things or step outside their comfort zone because they believe they can manage the consequences.

* Leading a Team: A startup founder with high self-efficacy in leadership will be confident in motivating, delegating tasks, and resolving conflicts within their team. This confidence is contagious to team members and creates a positive work environment.

2. Self-Efficacy in Employees

* Handling Difficult Projects: A project manager with high self-efficacy will accept a highly complex and challenging project assignment. They are confident that they have the skills, experience, and resources necessary to see it through to completion, even if there are obstacles in the way.

* Learning New Skills: In the ever-changing business world, employees must continuously learn. Employees with high self-efficacy will be proactive in taking new training or courses. They believe they are capable of mastering new skills, such as using the latest software or digital marketing techniques, which will, in turn, improve their performance.

* Giving Presentations: A marketing employee who is initially nervous about public speaking, but has high self-efficacy, will take on the challenge of presenting their work to the board of directors. Despite feeling anxious, he was confident that he could convey his ideas clearly and persuasively.

* Facing Criticism: When receiving criticism or negative feedback from a superior, employees with high self-efficacy will not take it as a personal attack. They see it as an opportunity for improvement and believe they can use the criticism to improve the quality of their work in the future.

* Salary and Promotion Negotiations: Employees who are confident in their value to the company will have high self-efficacy when negotiating for a higher salary or position. They believe that their abilities and contributions deserve better recognition and compensation.

3. Self-Efficacy in Sales and Marketing

* Salesperson: A salesperson with high self-efficacy will not be deterred by rejection from a potential customer. They are confident that they can close the next deal and will continue to persistently try new approaches.

* Marketer: A marketer tasked with launching a new product in a saturated market, with high self-efficacy, will be confident that their strategy will be successful. He is not easily swayed by others' pessimism and will continue to innovate in his marketing campaigns.

Essentially, self-efficacy in the business world is the belief that one can master a specific task or situation—whether it's leading a team, completing a project, selling a product, or facing failure—which then motivates them to take the necessary actions to achieve success.

How to let go of old bad identities

  Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "how to let go of old, bad identities", The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people are trapped in their old identities and they are entangled in an unfortunate fate,  According to the views of philosophers, leaving behind old identities is part of the universe's way of giving new identities to the people it wants. to shed your old identity and discover a new self, here are steps you can try, explained in more detail:

 

- Dare to Face Fears and Truths: Fear is often a major obstacle to self-development. Acknowledging shortcomings and mistakes is an important step in initiating change. Allow yourself to be open to the truth, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. God will help you see mistakes and failures as opportunities to grow and improve.

- Don't Dwell on Shortcomings: Avoid basing your identity on shortcomings or bad habits. Your true identity will not disappear just because you eliminate bad habits. Focus on the positive qualities and potential within you.

- Focus on the Identity of Human Being rather than Human Doing: Identity derived from positions, social status, or external achievements is not a true identity. True identity comes from your values, passions, and life goals. Recognize yourself as a human being with unlimited potential, not just as someone who does something.

- Discover Your True Self-Identity: Introspect to recognize your talents, strengths, and weaknesses. Find out what you truly enjoy and master. Use your strengths to make positive contributions to others, without being tied to specific positions or titles.

- Change Your Appearance and Personal Style: Overhauling your appearance, including clothing and hairstyle, can provide a significant change of pace. Rearranging your wardrobe and finding a new personal style can help you feel more confident and refreshed.

- Create a Nickname that Reflects Your Personality: Creating a unique and creative nickname can be a way to express yourself and create a new identity, especially in the online world. This nickname can reflect your personality, interests, or values that you adhere to.

 

By breaking away from an old identity that may no longer be relevant and focusing on self-development, you can discover a more authentic, meaningful self that aligns with your true potential. This process takes time and patience, but the results will be worth the effort you put in.

To leave behind a negative old identity and form a more positive self, a gradual and consistent process is needed. Here are several methods you can apply:

 

- 1. Identify and Acknowledge the Old Identity:

- Recognize Negative Aspects: Specifically write down what habits, mindsets, beliefs, or behaviors from the old identity you want to leave behind. Be honest with yourself about how these aspects negatively affect your life.

- Accept the Past: Acknowledge that the old identity is part of your journey. Don't judge yourself too harshly, but focus on the desire to change.

- 2. Define the Desired New Identity:

- Visualize Yourself: Clearly describe who you want to become. What values do you want to uphold? What behaviors do you want to exhibit? What goals do you want to achieve?

- Focus on Positive Qualities: Instead of just focusing on "not being X," focus on "being Y." For example, instead of "not lazy," be "productive and enthusiastic."

- 3. Change Habits and Mindsets:

- Start with Small Steps: Big changes start with small actions. Choose one or two negative habits you most want to change and start replacing them with new, positive habits.

- Challenge Negative Thoughts: Whenever negative or self-doubting thoughts arise, identify them and replace them with more constructive thoughts. Train your brain to see opportunities and solutions.

- Positive Affirmations: Regularly say positive statements about your new self. Examples: "I am a strong and capable person," or "I am taking control of my life."

- 4. Adjust Your Environment:

- Avoid Triggers: Identify people, places, or situations that trigger habits or mindsets from your old identity. Limit exposure to those triggers.

- Surround Yourself with Positive Support: Seek out friends, mentors, or communities that support your goals and new identity. These people will inspire and motivate you.

- Change Routines: Create daily routines that support your new identity. For example, if you want to be healthier, incorporate exercise and healthy eating into your routine.

- 5. Learn New Skills or Develop New Interests:

- Expand Your Horizons: Learning new things or developing hobbies can help shift your focus and build new self-confidence. It also gives you the opportunity to interact with new environments.

- 6. Practice Self-Compassion and Patience:

- Forgive Yourself: The process of change is not always smooth. There will be times when you revert to old habits. Forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes, and continue your journey.

- Be Patient: Forming a new identity takes time. Celebrate every small progress and don't be too hard on yourself if the results aren't instant.

- 7. Seek Professional Support (If Needed):

- Counseling or Therapy: If you find it difficult to leave old patterns behind on your own, consider seeking help from a psychologist or counselor. They can provide tailored strategies and emotional support.

 

By consistently applying these methods, you can gradually shed a negative old identity and build a stronger, more positive self that aligns with your aspirations.