Hi, good day, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Why Do Desires Cause Suffering", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people get suffered when they have many desires in their mind, If we look at why many people suffer today, it is not because of desires, but rather than of having the lack of resources to execute those desires. In general, it is permissible and natural for humans to have many desires. Desire (or passion, aspiration, dream) is a natural part of human nature. Desire can be a motivation that drives us to advance, develop, create, and achieve noble goals.
๐ค Why Do Desires Cause Suffering?
Suffering does not always arise from desire itself, but from how we relate to those desires and the inability to fulfill them.
Some of the main reasons include:
1. Unlimited Desires (Dissatisfaction)
- The "Want More" Nature: Desires tend to never stop. When one desire is fulfilled, a new desire will arise (for example, already having Rp10,000 wanting Rp100,000, already having Rp100,000 wanting Rp1,000,000).
- Comparison: We often suffer from comparing what we have with what others have (envy, spite).
2. The Gap between Desire and Reality
- Limitations: Suffering often arises from the mismatch between unlimited desires and limited abilities or realities (time, money, health, or conditions beyond our control).
- Excessive Expectations: When hopes or expectations are too high and unrealistic, failure to achieve them will lead to stress, frustration, and disappointment.
3. Attachment
- According to some teachings, especially Buddhism (which refers to desire as Taแนhฤ or craving), suffering (called Dukkha) arises because of our attachment to desires and the results of those desires.
- We suffer not only when desires are not fulfilled, but also when something we get (pleasure) is not eternal and must end or be lost. We want to maintain what is pleasant and reject what is unpleasant.
4. Inability to Distinguish Needs and Wants
- Focusing too much on "wanting" (for example, wanting a luxury car) and forgetting "needing" (for example, needing safe transportation) can make life a burden and eliminate gratitude.
✅ So, What Should We Do?
Desire is like a double-edged sword: it can be a strong motivation, or conversely, a source of suffering.
The key is to manage desires by:
- Knowing Limits: Realizing that not all desires can or should be fulfilled.
- Focusing on Needs and Noble Goals: Sorting out which desires are important for the well-being of oneself and others, and which are only driven by ego or greed.
- Being Grateful: Learning to accept the current situation and be grateful for what you already have.
- Releasing Attachment: Striving to do your best, but also being ready and sincere in accepting the results, whether you succeed in getting them or not.
In short: Desire can be a source of inspiration, but excessive attachment and perpetual dissatisfaction are sources of suffering."
How not to make people suffered with their desires:
"๐ง 1. Understand the Root of Suffering: "Attachment" to Desires
Desire itself does not cause suffering.
What causes suffering is attachment — that is, when we must have it in order to feel happy.
Example:
"I want to be accepted for a job there" → normal.
"If I'm not accepted, I'm a failure and my life is ruined" → this is attachment → causes suffering.
Key: change desires into preferences, not necessities.
๐ฟ 2. Change Your Mindset: "I choose, but I am not bound by the result"
This is a concept from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and is also in line with the teachings of Stoicism and Islamic Sufism.
"I can want something, but I will not make the result a condition for my happiness."
๐ธ Simple exercise:
Say: "I try my best, but I leave the result to God."
Repeat every time anxiety about the result arises.
๐ญ 3. Realize That Desires Always Come and Go
In mindfulness, we learn to see desires like waves in the sea of consciousness: they come, rise, and then recede.
If you just observe them without having to obey or reject them, they will not hurt you.
Exercise: When a strong desire arises, pause and say to yourself: "This is just a surge of desire. I see it coming... and I will let it go."
❤️ 4. Replace "I am lacking" with "I am growing"
Much suffering comes from feeling deficient: not smart enough, rich enough, liked enough, or successful enough.
Change that narrative to:
"I am enough, but I want to grow."
This ignites healthy motivation without feeling pressured.
๐ 5. Live with intention, not obsession
Intention = focusing on the process.
Obsession = focusing on the result.
A person with intention will work peacefully.
A person obsessed will be anxious even before starting.