Why do uncomfortable feelings arise even though we don't do anything

 

 

    Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Why do uncomfortable feelings arise even though we don't do anything", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people don't know how to detect the uneasy feeling when they do nothing useful, That uneasy feeling that arises for no apparent reason—often referred to as free-floating anxiety or simply a sense of unease—can indeed be incredibly draining. As someone working in the field of psychotherapy, you will no doubt understand that sometimes our minds register things that our conscious mind does not immediately pick up on, From what I have observed, the feeling of discomfort arises because our subconscious knows that we are not yet fully ready to accept new boundaries that are not yet in sync with our natural signals.

Here are some practical steps to help you identify and manage these feelings:

1. The ‘Grounding’ Technique (Connecting Yourself to the Present Moment)

When these unpleasant feelings arise, our minds are often stuck in the past or worrying about the future. Bring yourself back to the present moment using the 5-4-3-2-1 method:

 * Name 5 things you can see.

 * 4 sounds you can hear.

 * 3 textures or objects you can touch.

 * 2 smells you can smell.

 * 1 taste you can taste.

   This helps your nervous system shift out of ‘alert’ mode and return to a state of calm.

2. Uncensored Journaling

Write down whatever comes to mind, no matter how chaotic it may be. Don’t try to find logic or causes just yet.

 * Use phrases like: “Right now I feel…”, “Inside my body, this discomfort feels like… (e.g. tightness in the chest, a weight on my shoulders)”.

 * Sometimes, by putting your thoughts down on paper, hidden patterns will reveal themselves.

3. Body Scan

Emotions often manifest physically before we become cognitively aware of them.

 * Sit quietly and pay attention to your body from the tips of your toes to the top of your head.

 * Is there tension in your jaw, raised shoulders, or held-back breath?

 * Focus your breath on those tense areas. Often, that ‘unpleasant’ feeling is simply the body’s response to accumulated fatigue or stress.

4. Check Your Basic Needs (HALT)

Ask yourself if you are in a state of:

 * Hungry

 * Angry

 * Lonely

 * Tired

   As someone with an engineering background and busy with various projects, we sometimes overlook basic biological needs that can trigger drastic mood swings.

5. Accept, Don’t Fight

Often, these feelings intensify precisely because we worry about the worry itself (“Why do I feel this way? I must know the cause!”).

 * Try telling yourself: “Right now I’m feeling uncomfortable, and that’s okay. I don’t have to know the cause right away. I’ll let it be for a moment without judging it.”

   If these feelings persist for a long time or begin to interfere with your daily productivity, consider whether there are burdens of responsibility or expectations you are carrying in relation to the major goals you have set. Sometimes, our subconscious senses the pressure before our conscious mind has had a chance to process it.

Hopefuly this article can give you an insight how to improve your career in life.

People are more afraid of losing than not getting something

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "People are more afraid of losing than not getting something.", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people get that condition where it can make their happiness level is down, The phenomenon which happens is one of the most fundamental concepts in behavioural psychology and behavioural economics, known as Loss Aversion.

In short, humans are inherently more sensitive to potential losses than to potential gains, even when the values are equivalent. 

Here is an in-depth explanation of this from a psychological perspective:

1. Key Concept: Loss Aversion

This concept was popularised by psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky through Prospect Theory. Their findings show that, psychologically, the pain of losing something is felt twice as intensely as the pleasure derived from gaining something of equal value.

A simple example: Losing Rp100,000 will have a far more significant negative emotional impact on a person than the happiness felt if they suddenly found or received Rp100,000.

2. Why Does This Happen? (Evolutionary Basis)

Evolutionary psychology offers a compelling explanation for why this tendency is ingrained in humans:

 * Survival Strategy (Survival Instinct): For our ancestors, the loss of resources (such as food, shelter, or status within a group) could mean a direct threat to life. On the other hand, failing to gain something new usually does not threaten survival in the same way. Consequently, the human brain evolved to prioritise ‘avoiding threats/losses’ for the sake of survival.

 * Security vs. Growth: The human brain is biologically programmed to maintain security (homeostasis). Preserving what one already possesses is a safer course of action than taking risks to pursue something new.

3. Additional Psychological Aspects

In addition to evolutionary factors, there are several psychological mechanisms that reinforce this tendency:

 * The Endowment Effect: People tend to place a higher value on goods or status they already possess simply because they own them. Once something becomes part of ‘my possessions’, we feel a sense of loss if we have to let it go.

 * Reference Point: In Prospect Theory, our evaluation of outcomes (gains or losses) is not based on absolute value, but on the change from the current reference point. What we possess becomes that reference point; anything moving away from it is perceived as a decline in quality of life.

 * Uncertainty and Control: Acquiring something often involves effort and uncertainty, whereas retaining what we already have feels more within our control. Losing something is often seen as a ‘failure’ to maintain that control, triggering a greater stress or anxiety response.

4. Impact on Life

This understanding explains much of our behaviour:

 * In Business/Finance: Why investors often hold onto loss-making shares for too long (fearing to realise the loss) rather than selling them, even though selling might be the rational decision.

 * In Relationships: Why people find it hard to let go of unhealthy relationships; there is a fear of losing the comfort they already have, even though there is potential for happiness outside that relationship.

 * In Career Decisions: People are more likely to stay in unsatisfying jobs out of fear of losing financial stability (their current salary), rather than taking a risk on new opportunities that might be better.

Conclusion

The fear of loss is not merely a ‘lack of gratitude’ or pessimism, but a very powerful mental adaptation mechanism. Although this mechanism once helped our ancestors survive, in the complex modern world, this bias often hinders us from taking bold steps or making the changes necessary for growth, 

this is a natural cognitive bias can help us evaluate decisions more objectively—by asking: “Am I holding on to this because its value is genuinely high, or simply because I’m afraid of losing it?”

Human kindness is often given in the world in the form of uncertainty

     Hi, today, I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Human kindness is often given in the world in the form of uncertainty", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people expect what they do must be returned into profit, when they don't get what they expect, due to that question, some of them try to ask to themselves "Am I not good enough to receive more?" This question touches on the deepest aspects of human existence, from both philosophical and psychological perspectives, Below is a review of the concept of goodness and the phenomenon of selfless sincerity.

 

If we look objectively, the world does not always operate on a "input equals output" system in the short term. There are times when a person does good yet receives injustice in return. However, in psychology and sociology, there are concepts that explain how goodness works:

 

- Indirect Reciprocity: The person you help may not repay you directly, but your actions build a positive reputation that makes the surrounding social system more supportive overall.

- Character Domino Effect: Consistently doing good shapes a more resilient cognitive structure and personality. The "reward" in the world is often not material, but rather inner peace, better mental health, and life satisfaction.

 

Psychological Perspectives on Selflessness (Altruism)

 

In psychology, behavior that helps others without expecting external rewards is called Pure Altruism. Here are several psychological perspectives on such individuals:

 

1. Intrinsic Motivation and Autonomy

People who do not expect rewards typically have strong intrinsic motivation. They act because the action itself is deemed valuable, not due to social pressure or incentives. In Self-Determination Theory, this is the highest form of autonomy, where happiness stems from alignment between one’s actions and personal values.

2. Helper’s High

Biologically, when a person does good, the brain releases endorphins and dopamine. This phenomenon is called the Helper’s High. Psychology suggests that those who do not expect external rewards actually receive an "internal reward" in the form of relief and happiness that significantly reduces stress levels.

3. Ego Maturity

From psychoanalytic or developmental psychology perspectives, the ability to give without demanding anything in return is a sign of stable ego maturity. Such individuals no longer feel "lacking" or "thirsty for recognition," so they give from a place of inner fullness (acting from abundance).

4. Meaning-making

Existential psychology views helping others as one way humans create meaning in a life that often feels chaotic. By being useful to others, a person gains a sense of purpose, which is a core pillar of mental health.

 

An Aspect to Consider: Compassion Fatigue 

While selfless helping is noble, psychology also warns of the importance of setting boundaries. A person who continuously gives without considering their own capacity risks experiencing:

 

- Emotional Burnout: Exhaustion from constant outflow of psychological energy without replenishment.

- Messiah Complex: A belief that they must save everyone, which can become an unhealthy psychological burden.

 

Conclusion:

In psychology, not expecting rewards does not mean receiving nothing in return. Instead, it indicates excellent mental health, where a person’s happiness is no longer dependent on the reactions of the external world but on their own integrity. Good deeds may not always return in the same form, but they will "come back" as peace of mind for the doer.

How to survive in a toxic work environment

    Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to survive in a toxic work environment", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people become victim in toxic working environment, as we know that "Working in a toxic environment is indeed very draining, because our brains naturally have a negative bias—a tendency to focus more on threats or criticism than on positive things for the sake of survival. In a bad workplace, this bias can make us feel constantly under attack.

 

Here are practical strategies to maintain mental health and stay objective:

 

1. Use the "Objective Detachment" Technique

Imagine yourself as a researcher observing animal behavior in the forest. When colleagues start drama or your boss gets angry for no reason, say to yourself:

 

- "Interesting, Person A is displaying manipulative behavior again today."

- By positioning yourself as an observer, you separate your self-identity from the negative emotions in the room.

 

2. Apply Cognitive Reframing

Negative bias forces us to see every problem as a disaster. Try changing your perspective:

 

- Biased Thought: "My boss criticized my report—they must want to fire me."

- Reframed Thought: "My report was criticized because their standards are unclear. This isn't about my ability, but about their poor communication style."

 

3. Find "Islands of Sanity"

In a toxic environment, we tend to generalize that everything is bad. To counter this, you need counter-evidence:

 

- Find at least one colleague who still has integrity.

- Focus your interactions on them to remind yourself that not everyone there is "toxic."

 

4. Limit Exposure (Information Diet)

Negative bias thrives on pantry gossip or workplace WhatsApp groups.

 

- Reduce Excessive "Ventilating": Constantly complaining may feel relieving in the moment, but neuroscientifically, it actually strengthens negative neural pathways in your brain.

- Set firm boundaries on when you think about work and when you stop.

 

5. Document as a Logical Shield

Negative bias often makes us feel incompetent. Fight it with data:

 

- Achievement Log: Record every task you complete well.

- Incident Log: Factually note confusing instructions or unfair treatment (date, time, context). This helps your brain stay grounded in facts, not just bad feelings.

 

Response Comparison:

 

Trapped in Negative Bias Response Healthy (Mental Resilience) Response 

"Everyone here hates me." "Some people here are unhealthily competitive, but that's their issue." 

"I'll never succeed here." "This place does hold me back, but I'm building skills to jump to somewhere else." 

 

Remember, a toxic environment is not a reflection of your self-worth."

Why is it so difficult to carry out commitment

 

    Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely Why is it so difficult to carry out commitments?, the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone is being able to keep their commitment, Keeping that commitment is difficult because essentially we are fighting against human nature which loves freedom and instant gratification. Commitment is not just an initial promise, but a decision that must be made repeatedly, even when our feelings are not supportive.

 

Here are some reasons why keeping commitments feels so challenging:

 

1. Conflict Between Desires and Responsibilities

We often get caught in an internal struggle between what we want to do right now (urges/impulses) and what we have promised for the future.

Example: Committing to a diet is easy when full, but becomes very difficult when seeing pizza in front of you while hungry.

2. Opportunity Cost

Saying "Yes" to one commitment means saying "No" to thousands of other possibilities. Human psychology tends to experience Fear of Missing Out (FOMO). We often feel afraid that by committing, we are missing out on opportunities that might be "better" elsewhere.

3. Fading Initial Motivation

Commitments usually start with a surge of emotion or motivation (like the honeymoon phase in a relationship or New Year's enthusiasm for exercise). However, emotions are fluctuating.

Reality: When that sense of excitement is gone, all that remains is discipline. This is where many people give up because they expect "good feelings" to carry them forever.

4. Energy and Time Investment

Commitments require maintenance. Like plants, if not watered with consistent effort, communication, or hard work, commitments will wither. Many people underestimate how exhausting it is to be consistent in the long run.

5. Fear of Vulnerability

Committing to something—especially to other people—means giving them the power to disappoint or hurt us. Sometimes, we struggle to commit not because we are unable, but because we are afraid of failing or being seen as weak.

 

The bottom line: Commitment is difficult because it demands that we grow beyond our comfort zones for something greater.

Dissecting a commitment strategy is like building a bridge: you need a strong foundation so it doesn’t collapse when storms hit. Commitments based solely on "intentions" usually fall apart within weeks.

 

Here are strategic steps to build and maintain commitments systematically:

 

1. Find an Unshakable "Why"

A commitment without a strong reason is a burden. If your reason is only "following the trend" or "because you should," you will give up when tired.

Ask yourself: "What is the biggest loss if I quit?"

Principle: If your reason doesn’t make you feel slightly emotional or challenged, it’s likely not a strong enough Why.

2. Use the "Atomic Habits" Rule (Start Small)

Many people fail to commit because they set huge targets right away. The best strategy is to break down the commitment into extremely small actions that make failure impossible.

Strategy: Don’t commit to "exercising 1 hour every day." Commit to "putting on running shoes every 5 PM."

Logic: The biggest barrier is getting started. Once you’ve begun, you’ll usually keep going.

3. Build a System, Not Just Desire

Don’t rely on willpower—because willpower is like a phone battery that runs out. Create an environment that supports your commitment.

Design Your Environment: If you want to commit to saving money, set up an automatic transfer system. If you want to commit to focused work, move your phone to another room.

Remove Barriers: Identify what usually causes you to fail, then block access to those distractions before they arise.

4. The "Non-Negotiables" Principle (Non-Bargainable Items)

Set strict ground rules. Commitments become difficult because we often give ourselves "discounts" ("Just this once, it’s okay...").

Strategy: Establish 1-2 rules that cannot be broken under any circumstances (except medical emergencies). For example: "No matter what happens, I will not check emails before 9 AM."

5. Evaluate and Forgive (Self-Compassion)

Commitment does not mean you have to be 100% perfect. Many people stop entirely just because they failed for one day.

Rule: "Never Miss Twice": If you fail to keep your commitment today, make sure you get back on track tomorrow. Missing once is an accident; missing twice is the start of a new bad habit.

 

Here is the example of the Strategic Table: Desire vs. System 

Aspect Desire Only (Weak) VS Using a System (Strong) 

Focus End result (want to be thin/want to succeed) VS Daily process (eat vegetables/write 100 words) 

Reliance Motivation, Mood Schedule & Routine 

Response to Failure Feel guilty & stop VS Evaluate causes & keep going 

 

Practical step: Try choosing one specific thing you want to make your commitment right now,

Hopefully this article can give you an insight how to improve your life career, thank you

What makes a man not respond when introduced to a woman

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely"What makes a man not respond when introduced to a woman?, the main reason why I choose that topic because many adults don't really know what makes them not interested with the woman during introduction, "It's really interesting to discuss the dynamics of this kind of "introduction". In fact, when a man doesn't respond or follow up on an introduction, the reason is far more complex than just "she's not pretty" or "she has a bad personality".

 

More often than not, the issue isn't with the woman, but with the situation or the man's own readiness. Here are some common reasons that usually happen behind the scenes:

 

1. Mental or Emotional Unreadiness

This is the most common yet often unseen reason.

 

- Not yet moved on: He may still be preoccupied with the past or has recently gone through a significant heartbreak.

- Focused on Other Priorities: Men often have a "single focus". If he's pursuing a career, exams, or dealing with family issues, the space in his mind for romance may be full.

 

2. Pressure from "Matchmakers"

Sometimes, being introduced by friends or family creates its own kind of pressure.

 

- Social Expectations: There's a sense of discomfort in having to "report" progress to the person who made the introduction.

- Feeling Forced: Some men prefer to pursue or meet someone organically rather than feeling "fed" into a matchmaking arrangement.

 

3. Very Specific "Click" Criteria

Beauty is relative, and so is an appealing personality.

 

- Not His Type: Every man has specific preferences (e.g., shared hobbies, taste in music, or lifestyle). Someone can be objectively very beautiful, but if there's no specific "spark" of interest for that man, he may not respond.

- Difference in Energy: If the woman seems very serious about getting married while the man still wants to take things easy (or vice versa), he may step back before even trying.

 

4. Insecurity

Believe it or not, men can also feel intimidated.

 

- Too Outstanding: If the woman appears very successful, very beautiful, or very independent, a man who feels he's "not yet established" may feel insecure and choose not to respond rather than risk rejection later.

 

Myth: "It must be because I'm not pretty"

Let's set this straight: Physical appearance is indeed an entry point, but it's not the determinant of a response. If a man doesn't respond, it's rarely because he thinks the woman is "ugly". More often, it's because he feels there's no alignment in vision or energy from the start, or he simply isn't in a position to start a relationship.

 

Important Note: Someone's silence is not always a judgment of your worth. It is often a reflection of their capacity to accept someone new at that moment.

Do humans really have the freedom to choose something for their future

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Do humans really have the freedom to choose something for their future?, This line of thinking touches on the core of human existence: between fate, free will, and maturing suffering. In psychology, the concept of freedom is not merely 'doing whatever one wants,' but rather the ability to respond to stimuli consciously.

Below is an analysis of psychological perspectives on the freedom to choose and the importance of pushing past boundaries:

 

1. When Do Humans Have the Freedom to Choose?

In psychology, free will is often viewed as a spectrum that develops alongside cognitive and emotional maturity.

 

- The Gap Between Stimulus and Response: Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, stated that between stimulus (what happens to us) and response (what we do) there exists a space. Our freedom lies within that space.

- Cognitive Development: Biologically, mature decision-making ability emerges when the prefrontal cortex (the brain’s region for logic and self-control) is fully developed, typically in early adulthood (around the early 20s). Before this, our choices are often dominated by impulses or environmental influences.

- Individuation: According to Carl Jung, true freedom emerges when a person goes through the process of individuation—meaning when they begin to recognize their dark side (the shadow) and shed their social mask (the persona) to become their authentic self.

 

2. Why Must We Push Past Boundaries?

Boundaries often feel restrictive, but in psychology, they are the "fuel" for growth. Without obstacles, there is no evolution.

 

The Concept of "Post-Traumatic Growth" (PTG)

Humans often reach new levels of consciousness precisely after being struck by painful limitations or great crises. Psychology refers to this as PTG. Boundaries force us to dismantle outdated old structures and build a more resilient self.

 

Boundaries as the "Zone of Proximal Development" (ZPD)

 

Lev Vygotsky explained that growth occurs when we operate just outside our comfort zone—on the edge of our current capabilities. If we remain within boundaries without ever attempting to cross them, our cognitive and mental abilities will atrophy (deteriorate).

 

3. Psychological Schools of Thought on Freedom

Psychological School Perspective on Freedom 

Existentialism Humans are "condemned to be free." We bear full responsibility for the meaning of our own lives through our choices. 

Humanistic Humans have an innate drive toward self-actualization. Freedom is a tool to achieve one’s highest potential. 

Behaviorism Tends to be skeptical. Human choices are often seen as the result of environmental conditioning and a history of reinforcement (rewards/punishments). 

Psychoanalysis Freedom is often hindered by unconscious conflicts. Therapy aims to free patients from the "prison" of the past so they can choose consciously. 

Psychological School Perspective on Freedom

Existentialism Humans are "condemned to be free." We bear full responsibility for the meaning of our own lives through our choices.

Humanistic Humans have an innate drive toward self-actualization. Freedom is a tool to achieve one’s highest potential.

Behaviorism Tends to be skeptical. Human choices are often seen as the result of environmental conditioning and a history of reinforcement (rewards/punishments).

Psychoanalysis Freedom is often hindered by unconscious conflicts. Therapy aims to free patients from the "prison" of the past so they can choose consciously.

 

Conclusion: Boundaries Are a Compass

Humans should not only be allowed to push past boundaries—they must. In psychology, pushing past boundaries—whether mental (fear), social (others’ expectations), or physical—is a process called transcendence.

Without boundaries, freedom becomes empty. The most meaningful freedom is the freedom to choose how we respond to boundaries we cannot change.

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." — Viktor Frankl

 

Applying DBT techniques in daily activities:

Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Applying DBT techniques in daily activities", the main reason why I choose that Topic because not everyone can apply DBT, Apart from that, you need guidance provided by professionals, Here are examples of applying DBT techniques in daily activities:

 

1. Mindfulness (Present-Moment Awareness) 

- When eating: Instead of eating while looking at your phone or thinking about work, focus on the taste, texture, and aroma of the food. Notice how your mouth and stomach respond to each bite. This helps reduce emotional eating and improves body awareness.

- When stuck in traffic: Instead of feeling angry, focus on physical sensations (heartbeat, breathing), or observe your surroundings without judgment. Say to yourself, "I am in the car, and the traffic is heavy. This is uncomfortable, but I can get through it."

 

2. Emotion Regulation

- When feeling angry due to someone’s comment:

1. Recognize the emotion: Acknowledge, "I feel angry and hurt."

2. Do not act impulsively: Take several deep breaths or step away to a quiet place for a moment.

3. Change your thought pattern: Instead of thinking, "They intentionally hurt me," try thinking, "Maybe they’re having a bad day, or I misunderstood their meaning."

4. Do calming activities: Drink water, listen to soothing music, or write down your feelings in a journal.

 

3. Distress Tolerance 

- When facing a stressful work deadline:

- Use the "Survival Only Goal" technique: Say, "I don’t need to finish everything perfectly right now; I just need to do my best and get through this first."

- Do brief physical relaxation techniques, such as pressing your hands against the table for 5 seconds then releasing them, or doing diaphragmatic breathing for 1 minute.

- Avoid avoiding problems in unhealthy ways (e.g., overeating or drinking alcohol), and focus on small steps you can take right now.

 

4. Interpersonal Effectiveness

- When wanting to ask a friend for help:

- Use the "DESC" technique:

- Describe: "You know I’ve been working on this college project for the past week."

- Express: "I feel really tired and a bit stressed because there are some parts I don’t understand."

- Specify: "Do you have about 30 minutes tomorrow afternoon to help me understand the calculation section?"

- Consequences: "If you can help, I’ll feel much calmer and be able to finish the project on time. If not, I’ll ask my lecturer for help instead."

Psychological trauma recovery works through interconnected biological and psychological mechanisms

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Psychological trauma recovery works through interconnected biological and psychological mechanisms". The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people don't know how to heal from the trauma of their past, Many people are willing to take medication to recover from trauma, even though medication only acts as a buffer for emotional wounds, not a cure. At its core is "reprogramming" how the brain and body respond to painful memories.

 

Below is an explanation of trauma recovery mechanisms divided into three main aspects:

 

1. Biological Mechanism: Neuroplasticity (Brain Plasticity)

The key to healing is neuroplasticity — the brain’s ability to change, repair itself, and form new neural pathways.

 

- Trauma-Related Issues: When trauma occurs, the brain enters survival mode.

- The amygdala (fear/alarm center) becomes overactive.

- The hippocampus (memory center) fails to process the event as "past," so the memory feels like it is happening "in the present."

- The prefrontal cortex (rational brain) becomes less active ("offline").

- Recovery Mechanism: Therapy and exercises help calm the amygdala and reactivate the prefrontal cortex. The goal is to move traumatic memories from "active emotional memory" to "ordinary long-term memory" with a sense of timing (understanding that the event is over).

 

2. Two Recovery Pathways: Top-Down & Bottom-Up

In modern psychology, there are two main approaches to accessing these healing mechanisms:

A. Top-Down Processing (From Mind to Body)

Uses the rational brain to calm emotions.

 

- Method: Through talk therapy (e.g., CBT/Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).

- Mechanism: You are guided to recognize negative thought patterns (e.g., "I am not safe anywhere") and train the brain to challenge them with logic and facts ("I am safe now; the event is over"). This strengthens the prefrontal cortex’s "muscles" to control fear.

 

B. Bottom-Up Processing (From Body to Mind)

Uses the body to send safety signals to the brain. This is critical because trauma is often "stored" in the body (muscle tension, rapid heartbeat).

 

- Method: Breathing exercises, mindfulness, yoga, or somatic therapy.

- Mechanism: Directly calms the autonomic nervous system. When the body relaxes, it sends signals to the brainstem and amygdala that "there is no danger," allowing the rational brain to function again.

 

3. Stages of the Recovery Mechanism (Judith Herman’s Model)

These mechanisms unfold gradually through three main phases:

 

- Safety & Stabilization:

Before exploring old wounds, the nervous system must first be calmed. The focus is on helping you feel safe in the present and able to manage overwhelming emotions.

- Remembrance & Mourning (Processing):

This is the core of trauma processing. Traumatic memories are recalled in small, safe doses (exposure) and then given new meaning. The goal is desensitization — reducing the negative emotional charge of the memory so it no longer hurts when remembered.

- Reconnection & Integration:

Trauma no longer defines who you are; it becomes just a small part of your life story. You begin to rebuild social connections and new life purposes.

 

Summary

Trauma recovery is not about "erasing memories," but about changing your relationship with those memories. Through neuroplasticity, the brain learns that the memory is a thing of the past that no longer poses a physical threat to you in the present.

Signs of childhood trauma in adults

   Hi, today I would like to share the interesting topic, namely "Signs of childhood trauma in adults", the main reason why I choose that topic because not many people can detect it, Signs of childhood trauma in adults can appear in various forms, whether emotionally, behaviorally, cognitively, or physically. Childhood trauma occurs when a child experiences a frightening event, causes uncontrollable fear, or makes them feel unsafe without adequate support. Its effects can be long-lasting and affect how a person interacts with the world, themselves, and others as an adult. Below is a more detailed explanation of the signs:

 

Emotional Signs

- Excessive worry and anxiety: Often feeling anxious for no clear reason, experiencing severe social anxiety, or having panic attacks. Childhood trauma can make the brain accustomed to dangerous situations, so it stays in "alert" mode even when there is no real threat.

- Depression and hopelessness: Often feeling sad, helpless, or having no hope for the future. Some people also experience a sense of emptiness or lack of a clear identity.

- Difficulty managing emotions: Easily angered, offended, or crying for no clear reason. Sometimes also experiencing "emotional numbing," where it is hard to feel happiness or affection.

- Excessive guilt and shame: Always feeling at fault even when doing nothing wrong, or being ashamed of themselves and their past. Trauma can make a person feel that they are to blame for the events that happened to them.

- Difficulty trusting others: Hard to build deep relationships and trust others, because of fear of being betrayed, hurt, or neglected like what happened in childhood.

 

Behavioral Signs

- Difficulty in relationships: Often experiencing problems in romantic, friendship, or family relationships — for example, being too dependent, too distant, or always looking for conflict. Some people also tend to withdraw from social activities and live alone.

- Self-harm behavior: Engaging in behavior that is dangerous to oneself, such as hitting oneself, cutting oneself, or taking unnecessary risks. This can be a way to cope with painful feelings that cannot be expressed.

- Addiction: Trapped in addiction to alcohol, drugs, food, games, or other activities as a way to escape from trauma feelings.

- Difficulty sleeping or nightmares: Hard to fall asleep, often waking up in the middle of the night, or having nightmares that remind one of childhood traumatic events.

- Excessive control behavior: Always wanting to control all aspects of their life, because of fear of losing control like what happened in the past. This can appear in the form of strict habits, perfectionism, or difficulty accepting one's own flaws.

 

Cognitive Signs

- Negative thoughts about oneself: Always seeing oneself as not good enough, weak, or worthless. This can come from hurtful words or behavior of adults in childhood.

- Difficulty concentrating and remembering: Hard to focus on daily tasks, or experiencing memory problems — especially memories of the traumatic event itself (dissociation). Sometimes also experiencing "mind blank" when exposed to triggers that remind one of the trauma.

- Believing in wrong assumptions: Having unrealistic beliefs, such as "I will always be hurt" or "no one will love me." These beliefs can shape how a person sees the world and makes decisions.

- Dissociation: Sometimes feeling like "being detached from oneself" or as if watching their life from the outside. This is the brain's natural defense mechanism to protect itself from excessive pain.

 

Physical Signs 

- Unclear body pain: Experiencing back pain, headaches, stomach pain, or other physical discomfort that cannot be explained by medical causes. Trauma can affect the autonomic nervous system, causing muscle tension and physical health problems.

- Immune system problems: More susceptible to illness because of long-term stress from trauma that lowers the immune system.

- Digestive problems: Experiencing recurring gastritis, constipation, or diarrhea due to the connection between the brain and digestive tract that is affected by stress.

- Rapid heartbeat or difficulty breathing: Often feeling a racing heartbeat or difficulty breathing, especially when exposed to triggers that remind one of the trauma.

 

It should be noted that not all people who experience childhood trauma will show all these signs, and the severity can vary. Some people may not realize that their feelings or behaviors come from past trauma, because the symptoms can appear gradually as they get older.

 

If you or someone you know experiences these signs and finds it difficult to cope on your own, seeking help from a mental health professional (such as a therapist or counselor) can be very helpful. Therapies like Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) or EMDR Therapy can help a person process trauma and build healthier ways to manage emotions and relationships.

What's the function of existential intelligence in reality

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "what's the function of existential intelligence in reality", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people don't know about its existence, for your information that existential Intelligence (often referred to as the 9th intelligence in Howard Gardner's Multiple Intelligences theory) is a person's ability to contemplate fundamental questions about human existence.

Simply put, it is the intelligence of the "big picture." People with this intelligence often grapple with questions about life, death, and the reality of the universe.

 

Here is a detailed explanation along with real-life examples:

 

Traits of People with Existential Intelligence

 

They are not satisfied with superficial answers. They tend to:

- Think philosophically.

- Be able to see things from a cosmic or broad perspective.

- Question established norms and "truths."

 

Concrete Examples in Daily Life 

1. Children Who Often Ask "Why?"

The purest examples are often seen in children who ask difficult questions to their parents, such as:

- "Where was I before I was born?"

- "Why do people have to die?"

- "Why are we on Earth instead of another planet?"

- "Where does God live?"

2. Interest in Deep Topics

Someone with this intelligence usually prefers discussions about:

- The origin of the universe (cosmology).

- Concepts of time and infinity.

- The meaning of love, suffering, or justice.

- They may prefer watching documentaries about outer space or reading philosophy books over light/gossip topics.

3. Ability to See "Beyond the Self"

When facing minor problems (e.g., traffic jams or losing money), they can stay calm because they see them in a long-term perspective.

- Example: "This frustration is only temporary and won't mean anything in 5 years."

4. Relevant Professions

People with high existential intelligence are often found in roles such as:

- Philosophers: Thinkers who formulate concepts about logic and ethics.

- Theologians/Spiritual Leaders: People who delve into the meaning of divinity and spirituality.

- Theoretical Physicists/Cosmologists: Like Einstein, who thought about the relativity of time and space.

- Abstract Artists/Writers: Whose works try to capture human emotions or conditions that are difficult to put into words.

 

World Figures Examples

Some figures considered to have very high existential intelligence: 

- Socrates: Always questioned the definitions of truth and justice.

- Buddha: Searched for answers to human suffering and a way out of it.

- Albert Einstein: Although a scientist, he often contemplated the mysteries of the universe with a sense of wonder that was almost spiritual.

 

[!NOTE]

Important: Having existential intelligence does not mean a person has to be religious. An atheist can also have high existential intelligence if they often contemplate ethics, morality, and the origin of the universe in depth.

 

Do You Have It? 

You may have dominant existential intelligence if you often feel: 

- Small when looking at stars at night, yet feel connected to the universe.

- Often daydreaming about the future of humanity.

- Wanting your life to have an impact or "legacy," not just to pursue money.

What makes people feel at home at the working place

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "What makes people feel at home at the working place", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone can detect what makes them comfortable at the working place, The feeling of "betah" (comfort and contentment) in the workplace is known in psychology by the term Employee Retention, which is closely linked to Employee Engagement.

 

Psychologically, a high salary often only prevents someone from "leaving" but is not enough to make them feel "betah" (comfortable and enthusiastic). The feeling of betah arises when humans' basic psychological needs are met.

 

Here is a psychological breakdown of what truly makes someone "betah or comfort" at work:

 

1. Self-Determination Theory

This is the "cornerstone" of modern work psychology. According to this theory, a person will naturally feel betah if their three innate needs are fulfilled:

- Autonomy: A sense of having control. Employees feel trusted to arrange their own work methods, rather than being dictated every step of the way (micromanagement).

- Competence: A feeling of "I'm good at this". Employees feel their work is challenging but still manageable, and that their skills are growing, not stagnant.

- Relatedness: A sense of belonging. This is often translated as a "family-like" culture in Indonesia. Employees feel cared for as people, not just as company assets.

2. Psychological Safety

Popularized by Harvard's Amy Edmondson, this concept is a key factor in mental comfort:

- Definition: Employees feel safe to express opinions, ask questions, or even make mistakes without fear of being embarrassed, punished, or seen as stupid by superiors and colleagues.

- Impact: If someone has to constantly "wear a mask" or fear speaking up every day, their mental energy will be exhausted (burnout) and they will not feel betah.

3. Job Embeddedness

Psychology also views betah as how strong the "spider's web" is that ties someone to their position. There are three elements:

- Fit: The employee's personal values align with the company culture. Example: A laid-back person will not feel betah in a very rigid/bureaucratic company.

- Links: Having a "Work Bestie" or close friend at the office. Research shows that having one close friend at work is one of the strongest predictors of someone staying long-term.

- Sacrifice: The perception that "if I move, I will lose many non-material things" (such as a fun team, an understanding boss, or flexible working hours).

4. Perceived Equity

Humans have a highly sensitive sense of fairness. The feeling of betah can disappear instantly if there is inequality:

- Distributive Justice: Is my salary/bonus fair compared to colleagues with the same workload?

- Procedural Justice: Are rules enforced evenly? Are promotions given transparently or based on favoritism?

5. Meaningfulness

Psychologist Victor Frankl emphasized that humans are driven by the search for meaning. A person will feel betah—even in a very heavy job—if they feel their work is important and makes an impact.

- Example: A customer service representative will feel more betah if they see their work as "helping people in need" rather than just "handling complaints".

 

Summary: The "comfortable" Triangle meaning 

Simply put, a person will feel comfortable if they can say:

 

- "I am safe here." (Psychological Safety)

- "I am valuable here." (Recognition & Meaning)

- "I have a future here." (Growth & Competence)

 

Giving too much free time to others can lower self-esteem.

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Giving too much free time to others can lower self-esteem", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone can handle their time, Besides that, many people are willing to lose their time for something that is not related to their career, when they get instant pleasure, they immediately give up a lot of free time for it, there is advice “too much availability kills your value.”, which means

being too readily available (always there at any time) actually damages your worth, Why does this happen? Because time has two functions: to provide opportunities or to create regret. If we don't choose wisely, we will become victims of our own feelings.

  

🧠 Here is the core Meaning

 

This advice talks about boundaries and self-worth.

When someone is too often available, never refuses, or is always ready whenever called, then:

 

- Their presence is considered ordinary

- Others stop valuing their effort and time

- Their self-value decreases because they are not seen as “precious” or “limited”

 

Simply put:

What is too easily obtained is often considered worthless.

  

🔍 Deeper Analysis

 

1. Social Interaction Psychology

 

Humans tend to value: 

- What is rare

- What requires effort

- What is not always available

 

If you are always there 24/7 for others, they may unconsciously:

 

- Consider you a backup option

- Ignore your boundaries

- Take you for granted as something “given”

  

2. Quality vs. Quantity

 

Often, being present as needed, but with good quality, is far more appreciated than constant presence without limits.

  

3. Risks of Being “Too Available”

 

- Not appreciated → your effort is seen as normal

- Exploited → people tend to ask for more because they know you won’t refuse

- Burnout → you get tired from giving too much

- Loss of identity → you live according to others’ needs, not your own

 

⚖️ Balanced Meaning

 

This advice does not mean you should become cold or stingy with your time.

The key points:

👉 Value yourself by setting boundaries.

👉 Don’t always say “yes.”

👉 Let your availability have quality and meaning.

 

In this way, others will appreciate your time and yourself more.

  

📌 In relation to the workplace

 

Someone who: 

- Always accepts all tasks

- Is always ready at any time

- Never refuses

 

Will often: 

- Be overloaded

- Be considered a “jack of all trades,” not a professional

- Not get promoted or raise because they are seen as “permanent support”

Hopefully this article can give you an insight how to empower your career, good luck.

Why cognitive bias can occur in this life

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Why cognitive bias can occur in this life", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone realizes about cognitive bias, many people can't understand what causes cognitive bias and where it comes, in simple terms, a Cognitive Bias is a systematic error in thinking that affects the decisions and judgments we make. Imagine your brain as a super-advanced computer that has to process millions of pieces of information every second. To avoid "overheating" or becoming too slow, the brain often uses mental shortcuts (called heuristics). These shortcuts usually help us make quick decisions, but sometimes they cause our logic to deviate or become non-objective. That's what we call cognitive bias.

 

Here's a deeper explanation of how it works and the most common types.

 

Why Do Cognitive Biases Occur? 

These biases don't mean someone is "stupid," but rather it's due to the natural way the human brain works. There are several main causes:

 

- Brain Efficiency: The brain tries to save energy by making quick assumptions based on past experiences.

- Emotions & Motivation: Our desires or fears often influence how we see facts.

- Social Pressure: The desire to be accepted by a group can change how we assess situations.

- Memory Limitations: Our brains often alter or fill in gaps in memory with details that don't actually exist.

 

The bottom line: Cognitive bias is a "filter" or colored lens that we unconsciously wear when looking at the world, so we don't see reality as it is, but rather as our brains interpret it.

 

Most Common Types of Cognitive Biases

 There are hundreds of types of biases, but here are some of the most common we experience in everyday life:

 

1. Confirmation Bias 

The tendency to seek out, interpret, and remember information that supports our own beliefs, while ignoring contradictory evidence.

 

- Example: You believe Geminis are annoying. When you meet one annoying Gemini, you say, "See, I'm right!" but you ignore ten other kind-hearted Gemini friends.

 

2. Sunk Cost Fallacy 

The tendency to continue doing something just because we have already invested time, money, or energy in it, even though it is clearly detrimental.

 

- Example: Continuing to watch a very boring movie in the cinema just because "it's a waste to have bought an expensive ticket," even though you could go out and do something more enjoyable.

 

3. Dunning-Kruger Effect 

The phenomenon where people with low abilities tend to overestimate their abilities, while experts often doubt their own abilities.

 

- Example: Someone who has just read one article about health then feels smarter than a doctor who has been in school for years.

 

4. Anchoring Bias 

The tendency to rely too heavily on the first piece of information we receive (the anchor) when making decisions.

 

- Example: When bargaining for an item, if the seller mentions an initial price of Rp500,000 (the anchor), then an offer of Rp300,000 will feel "cheap," even though the original value of the item might only be Rp100,000.

 

5. Halo Effect 

The tendency to judge a person's character as a whole based on only one prominent positive trait.

 

- Example: We often assume that people who are physically attractive automatically also have good, intelligent, or honest qualities.

 

6. Self-Serving Bias

The tendency to attribute success to one's own abilities, but to blame external factors when experiencing failure.

 

- Example: "I passed the exam because I'm smart," vs "I didn't pass the exam because the lecturer was biased."

 

Why is Understanding This Important?

 

Recognizing the existence of cognitive biases is crucial for: 

- Making Better Decisions: Avoiding financial losses or fatal errors in work.

- Improving the quality of interpersonal relationships: Understanding that our point of view is not always 100% correct makes us more empathetic to new information that may be more accurate than our point of view.

- Critical Thinking: Training ourselves to always check the facts before concluding something."

How to anticipate and manage deep trauma

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to anticipate and manage deep trauma", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people can't survive with a deep trauma in the past, as we know that anticipating and managing deep trauma is a process that requires patience, time, and self-compassion. Trauma is not just being "sad," but rather the nervous system's response to events that shake your sense of security.

 

Here are structured steps to help you manage the impact of trauma and prevent it from taking over your life:

 

1. Self-Stabilization (Emotional First Aid)

When memories or pain from trauma arise (flashbacks), your nervous system goes into fight, flight, or freeze mode. The first step is to bring yourself back to the "now" moment. 

- Grounding Techniques: Use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique to stop dissociation (feeling disconnected from reality).

- 5 things you can see.

- 4 things you can touch (texture of clothes, table).

- 3 sounds you can hear.

- 2 smells you can smell.

- 1 taste you can savor (or one good thing about yourself).

- Regulate Breathing: Deep breathing signals to the brain that you are safe. Try the 4-7-8 technique (Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale slowly for 8 seconds).

 

2. Validation and Acceptance

Often we try to "anticipate" trauma by rejecting it or pretending everything is fine. This actually makes things worse.

 

- Allow Yourself to Feel: It's okay to feel broken, angry, or scared. Those emotions are valid. Cry if necessary; tears contain stress hormones that the body needs to release.

- Avoid Toxic Positivity: Don't force yourself to immediately "take the lesson." Focus on healing the wound first before looking for meaning.

 

3. Rebuilding a Sense of Security

Trauma damages the sense of security. You need to rebuild structure in your life.

 

- Create Small Routines: Trauma creates chaos. Routines create predictability. Waking up, eating, and showering at the same time can be very helpful in stabilizing your mental state.

- Create a Safe Space: Designate one place (could be a bedroom or a specific corner) where you feel completely safe and have full control over the environment.

 

4. Processing Through Expression (Externalization)

Getting the trauma out of your head and into another medium helps reduce cognitive load.

 

- Journaling: Write down what you feel without editing it. The brain dump technique (dumping all the contents of your mind) is very effective in reducing noise in the head.

- Expressive Arts: Sometimes words are not enough. Drawing, painting, or listening to music can access the emotional parts of the brain that language cannot reach.

 

5. Professional Help (Highly Recommended)

Deep trauma often changes the structure of the brain and is difficult to heal alone. Professional therapy is the best form of anticipation to prevent trauma from becoming a long-term disorder (such as PTSD).

Consider the following therapies:

 

- CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): Helps change negative thought patterns.

- EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Very effective specifically for trauma, helping the brain reprocess painful memories.

- Somatic Therapy: Focuses on how trauma is stored in the body (such as chronic muscle tension).

 

6. Physical Body Care

Trauma is not just in the mind, but also in the body (The Body Keeps the Score).

 

- Physical Movement: Light exercise, yoga, or just walking helps burn adrenaline and cortisol that accumulate due to trauma stress.

- Adequate Sleep: While sleeping, the brain processes emotions. Sleep disturbances will make trauma recovery more difficult.

 

What to Avoid? 

- Self-Isolation: Being alone constantly gives room for negative thoughts to multiply. Stay connected with at least one person you trust.

- Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: Avoiding feelings with alcohol, illicit drugs, or impulsive behavior only delays the pain and adds new problems.

 

Brief Summary 

Phase Main Focus Action 

Present Moment Calm Deep breathing, 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding techniques 

 

Deep trauma is an "inner wound." Just like a broken bone that needs a cast and time to fuse back together, your inner self also needs time.

Why do we blame others for other people's Inability

 

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Why do we blame others for other people's Inability", the main reason why I choose that topic because many people like to blame others from inability, "From a psychological perspective, the answer is clear: Objectively, it's not feasible, yet subjectively, people often find themselves doing it. Psychology not only looks at the "facts" of inability but also examines why the human brain has a tendency (bias) to keep blaming—either blaming oneself (self-blame) or others—even when the inability is real.

 

Here's a breakdown from a psychological standpoint:

 

1. Why Do We Blame Others for Inability?

When we see others fail to do something (even if they are unable), our brains often experience a cognitive bias called the Fundamental Attribution Error.

 

- What is it? We tend to judge others' failures as a result of their internal character (lazy, stupid, careless), when in reality, it is due to external situations (illness, disaster, physical limitations).

- Example: Someone is late for a meeting because of a flat tire (situational/inability). Their boss might think, "They are a person who is undisciplined" (character), instead of "They are just having bad luck."

- Social Psychology: Humans do this to maintain a sense of safety. Acknowledging that "bad things can happen for no reason (external factors)" is scary. It's easier to blame the person.

 

2. Why Do We Blame Ourselves? (Illusion of Control)

This is the most painful phenomenon. Why does someone feel guilty for not being able to save a terminally ill parent or not being able to prevent an accident?

 

- Illusion of Control: Humans have a deep psychological need to feel in control. Acknowledging "I am powerless" is often more frightening than feeling guilty.

- Subconscious Logic: "If I feel guilty, it means I should have been able to do something." This provides a false sense of security that in the future, we can prevent bad things from happening again.

- Hindsight Bias: The tendency to see past events as something that "should have been predictable."

Example: "I should have known it would rain that day, so I wouldn't have taken them out." In fact, when the decision was made, that data did not exist or the ability to predict it was impossible.

 

3. The Concept of "Psychological Inability"

Psychology also introduces the nuance that "inability" is not just physical. There are conditions where the brain refuses to cooperate, which are often misinterpreted as "lazy" or "unwilling."

 

- Executive Dysfunction: Often occurs in ADHD, depression, or severe anxiety. Someone wants to do something, but the neural pathways in their brain are jammed. They are literally "unable" to start the task.

- Blaming people in this condition can worsen their mental state without improving performance.

- Learned Helplessness: If someone constantly fails or is suppressed, they may feel "unable" when they are actually capable. In this case, blaming them is also ineffective; they need confidence rehabilitation, not punishment.

 

4. The Impact of Blaming Inability

Blaming someone (or yourself) for something beyond their capacity is toxic to mental health (Toxic Guilt/Shame).

 

Aspect Healthy Guilt Toxic Guilt/Shame 

Trigger Making a mistake that is within our control. Feeling responsible for something beyond our control. 

Self-Message "I made a mistake." "I am a mistake/failure." 

Result Self-improvement & responsibility. Depression, anxiety, & mental paralysis. 

 

Psychological Conclusion

Psychology teaches the concept of Radical Acceptance:

 

- Acknowledging limitations is a sign of mental health, not weakness.

- Humans have cognitive, emotional, and physical limits.

- Blaming people (or yourself) for absolute inability is a form of cognitive distortion (irrational thinking).

 

Humans deserve to be forgiven for their limitations. Perfection is not a requirement for being a valuable human being."

The habit of people who like to dominate conversations

  Hi, today I would like to share the interesting topic namely "the habit of people who like to dominate conversations", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone is aware about the topic once they are talking with others, sometimes there are types of people who don't care who they are talking to, moreover, they also do not adjust to the conditions of the person they are talking to, The psychological view on the habit of people who like to dominate conversations (conversation monopolization) is that this behavior is often rooted in certain personality factors, motivations, and psychological needs, and can negatively impact social interactions.

 

In general, this dominating behavior indicates an imbalance in communication and can make the other person feel ignored or unappreciated.

 

🧐 Underlying Psychological Factors

The habit of dominating conversations can be caused by various factors, including:

 

1. - Need for Validation and Attention: Someone may talk excessively to gain approval, recognition, or attention from others. For them, attention is an affirmation (validation) that they are valued and important.

2. - Low Self-Esteem: Although they may appear confident, some people use conversation domination as a defense mechanism. They control the narrative and information shared to avoid criticism, judgment, or vulnerability.

3. - Narcissistic Traits: In more extreme cases, this behavior can be associated with Narcissistic Personality. Narcissistic individuals tend to have a sense of superiority, an excessive focus on themselves, and consider their ideas/opinions more important.

4. - Social Anxiety: Ironically, some people talk incessantly to avoid silence or social anxiety. They fill every gap in the conversation because they feel anxious or afraid that silence will cause them to lose the opportunity to speak or their ideas will be forgotten (cognitive impatience).

5. - Excessive Enthusiasm or Lack of Self-Awareness: Sometimes, this behavior arises from great enthusiasm for a topic or a lack of awareness of non-verbal cues (body language, expressions) from the other person who wants to interrupt or respond.

 

🗣️ Characteristics of Dominating Behavior

People who dominate conversations typically exhibit the following characteristics:

 

- Frequently Interrupting: They find it difficult to restrain themselves and often cut off other people's conversations to immediately convey their ideas or opinions.

- Focus on Themselves: The topic of conversation tends to revolve back to their own experiences, achievements, or opinions.

- Lack of Active Listening: They may appear to be listening, but are actually just waiting for their turn to speak or formulating a response, rather than understanding other people's perspectives.

- Wanting to Control the Direction of the Conversation: They try to steer the discussion topic to areas they master or want, ignoring topics brought up by others.

 

📉 Social Impact

From a social psychology perspective, the habit of dominating can damage relationships and group interactions. Others tend to feel uncomfortable, ignored, or unappreciated, which can ultimately lead to the dominating person being shunned in social circles, even though the initial intention may have only been to share or interact.

 

Understanding this can help individuals with this habit to practice more balanced communication skills, such as listening actively and giving space to others."

Does everyone have the right to be a righteous person?

  

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Does everyone have the right to be a righteous person?" The main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone braves enough to learn something from the wrongdoings and how they leave their old behavior to shape new one, To be a righteous person, we must admit our mistakes first, after that we leave those mistakes permanently and start new habits. In general, in the context of human rights and self-potential, everyone has the right to live a life that is right and to have views that they consider right. However, the meaning of "a righteous person" varies greatly depending on the lens used.

 

Here is a review from a psychological perspective: 

Psychological View of the Concept of "Righteous Person" 

The science of psychology tends not to use the term "righteous person" in an absolute moral or spiritual sense. Instead, psychology focuses more on the concepts of adaptive behavior, mental health, emotional maturity, and morality based on cognitive and social development.

 

Psychology views that individuals have the potential to develop in a better direction (self-actualization) and make ethical choices, but rejects the single concept of absolute truth.

 

1. Behavior Considered "Right" Psychologically

 

In psychology, characteristics that are considered to contribute to well-being and healthy social functioning (often broadly associated with living life "right") include:

 

- Integrity and Authenticity: Living in harmony between self-values (internal) and actions (external).

- Empathy and Moral Compass: The ability to understand and feel the feelings of others, and to act in accordance with socially accepted moral standards to avoid harm to oneself and others.

- Resilience and Adaptability: Being able to cope with life's pressures and learn from mistakes (maturity).

- Self-Awareness (Metacognitive): The ability to reflect on one's own thoughts and actions.

 

2. Criticism of "Feeling the Most Righteous"

 

On the other hand, psychology is very critical of the concept of "feeling the most righteous" (often referred to as self-righteousness or God Complex). This attitude is seen as maladaptive behavior and can actually damage interpersonal well-being.

 

Negative Characteristics of "Feeling the Most Righteous":

 

- Cognitive Bias: Tend to only accept information that supports one's own views (Confirmation Bias) and ignore conflicting evidence.

- Egoscentism and Lack of Empathy: Difficulty seeing from other people's perspectives and the belief that their views are the only valid ones.

- Defense Mechanism: Often a psychological shield to protect vulnerable self-esteem (deep insecurity).

- Rejection of Criticism: Viewing criticism as a personal attack, which hinders personal growth and the ability to learn from mistakes.

 

⚖️ Conclusion

 

In essence, in psychology, what is more important than being a "righteous person" is being a whole (holistic), self-aware, and adaptive person, who is open to the possibility that they may be wrong and continuously strives to grow."

Return to the Strength of Faith and Inner Peace

   Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "Return to the Strength of Faith and Inner Peace", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone can master their own soul, all of us have the same enemy, namely facing the increasingly fierce "storm of worldly slander", it requires strong inner peace, and this is a great test of faith and mentality.

Based on spiritual values (especially in the context of Islamic teachings that often discuss slander in the end times) and psychological principles, here are steps to feel calm amid slander and the harsh words of others:

🙏 Key Principle: Return to the Strength of Faith and Inner Peace

The essence of calmness amid slander is realizing that true control lies with Allah (God) and your own response, not with the words of others.

1. Patience and Tawakal (Complete Surrender)

* Patience: Consider slander as part of life's trials. Allah says that He will test humans. Being patient does not mean being passive, but refraining from negative emotions and harmful reactions.

* Trust in God: Surrender all matters and outcomes to God. Be confident that if you are in the right, the truth will be revealed in His time, and God is the best of helpers. Remember that the reward for those who are patient and trust in God is far greater than the worldly losses caused by slander.

2. Increase Prayer and Worship

* Protective Prayer: Increase prayers asking for protection from slander, both slander as a major test and slander as an accusation. Prayer is the "weapon" of the faithful.

* Quality of Worship: Improve the quality of your prayers, remembrance of Allah, and reading of the Qur'an. This will soothe your heart and be a source of true inner peace. Devout worship will keep you from anxiety.

3. Focus on Introspection (Muhasabah)

 * Instead of focusing on the slanderer, focus on improving yourself. Slander from outside is often a reflection for us to correct our real shortcomings.

 * If the slander is untrue, strengthen your belief that Allah knows the truth of your intentions. If there is some truth behind it, use it as motivation to change for the better.

🧘 Practical Tips for Peace of Mind

How to respond physically and mentally when faced with slander:

4. Stay Calm and Avoid Emotional Reactions

 * Take a Break: When you hear slander, don't immediately respond with emotion, anger, or hasty retaliation. Take a deep breath, step aside, and calm yourself first.

 * Silence is Golden: Often, silence is the best response. Responding to slander with more slander will only prolong the conflict and lower your dignity. The Prophet Muhammad SAW said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him say good things or remain silent."

5. Tabayyun (Verify Information)

 * Before reacting to news or gossip, always verify its accuracy. Don't be easily provoked by unclear news. This also applies to yourself so that you don't join in spreading slander.

6. Maintain a Positive Environment and Focus

 * Avoid Negative Sources: Limit your interaction with people who like to gossip or spread hatred. Also avoid social media or content that makes you feel uneasy.

 * Focus on Your Goals: Channel your energy into your work, achievements, and the good deeds you are doing. People who focus on goodness will not have time to think about slander.

7. Forgive and Be Generous

 * Forgiving is an act of freeing yourself from the burden of hatred and resentment. Forgive those who slander you, because in the end, the sin and harm of slander will return to the perpetrator (in a spiritual sense).

By holding fast to your faith, improving the quality of your worship, and choosing calm and wise responses, you will be able to weather the "storm of worldly slander" with a steadfast heart and preserved dignity.

Why can we become so obsessed with our fears

"Hi, good day, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely " Why can we become so obsessed with our fears", the main reason why I choose that topic because not everyone can master their self-control, According to psychology, the reason people are obsessed with their fears is because they think the fear is real, not an illusion. In fact, fear is an illusion of the mind that produces expectations, I totally understand how it feels to be trapped in a never-ending cycle of fear in your head. It can be so exhausting and make us feel helpless, not let me elaborate the reason behind the fear through the explanation below.

 

Here are several underlying reason Why can we become so obsessed with our fears? 

 

1. Self-Defense Mechanism: Naturally, our brains are designed to protect us from danger. When we feel fear, the brain triggers a "fight or flight" response to help us face threats. However, sometimes this response can be excessive, causing us to constantly feel alert, even when there is no real danger. 

2. Unresolved Past Experiences: Trauma or bad experiences in the past can leave a deep mark on our minds. The fear we feel now may be our brain's way of reminding us of those experiences, even if we are not consciously aware of it. 

3. Negative Thinking Patterns: We tend to focus on negative things and ignore positive ones. This mindset can trap us in an endless cycle of fear. 

4. Lack of Control: Fear often arises when we feel we have no control over a particular situation. We may feel powerless to change things and end up obsessing over our fears as a way to try to control the situation. 

5. Underlying Anxiety: If you have underlying anxiety, you may be more prone to fear and find it harder to control. Anxiety can make our brains more sensitive to threats and more easily trigger a fear response. 

 

Obsessing over fear can be very disturbing, but there are things you can do to overcome it:

 

- Identify Your Fears: Try to identify what exactly makes you afraid. Is it fear of failure, fear of rejection, or fear of the unknown? Once you know what scares you, you can start looking for ways to deal with it. 

- Challenge Your Negative Thoughts: When you feel afraid, try to challenge the negative thoughts that come into your head. Are these thoughts really rational? Is there any evidence to support them? If not, try replacing those negative thoughts with more positive and realistic ones. 

- Focus on What You Can Control: Instead of focusing on things you can't control, try to focus on things you can control. For example, if you are afraid of failure, you can focus on thorough preparation and hard work. 

- Seek Support: Don't hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or mental health professionals. Talking to others about your fears can be very helpful in reducing feelings of isolation and gaining a new perspective. 

- Practice Relaxation Techniques: Relaxation techniques such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing can help calm the mind and reduce anxiety. Try to set aside time each day to practice a relaxation technique that you enjoy. "

If you feel that fear is not empowering your strength right now, you just need to determine questions like this -> 

1. What kind of life mission can be completed in the next 10 years?

2. What types of crises are still rare to resolve?

3. What are my interests that can meet market needs?

4. Is my current fear an expectation or a reality?

5. What makes me enthusiastic if I do it in the morning?