Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Five effective communication strategies for newly married intercultural couples", The reason I chose this topic is because many things happen in a marriage, The main reason why many couples are unhappy is because they are stuck in a culture that does not unite one another, ultimately impacting the decline in the quality of communication, let me share to you about five effective communication strategies for newly married intercultural couples, with a more in-depth and comprehensive explanation:
1. Understanding and Deeply Appreciating Cultural Differences
- Definition: More than just knowing, this is about internalizing the values, traditions, norms, and even assumptions that underlie your partner's behavior. It involves active empathy and a sincere desire to see the world from their perspective.
- How to Do It:
- In-Depth Research: Don't just read about your partner's culture. Delve into their history, art, music, and literature. Watch films and documentaries that provide insight into their lives.
- Open and Continuous Discussion: Communication isn't just a one-time thing. Make discussions about culture a routine part of your conversations. Ask about your partner's experiences, how they were raised, and what is important to them.
- Direct Experience: If possible, visit your partner's country or region of origin. Experience the culture for yourself, meet their family and friends, and participate in their traditions.
- Self-Reflection: Consider how your own culture influences the way you think, feel, and act. Identify any biases or assumptions you may have and be prepared to challenge them.
Example:
- Suppose you come from a very individualistic culture, while your partner comes from a more collectivist one. You may tend to make decisions on your own, while your partner may prefer to consult with family or friends first. Understanding this difference can help you avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.
- In Indonesia, especially in West Java, the norms of politeness and respect for elders are highly valued. If you don't come from this culture, learning how to speak and behave in accordance with these norms will greatly help in building a good relationship with your partner's family.
2. Developing Open, Honest, and Empathetic Communication
- Definition: It's not just about saying what you think, but saying it in a loving and understanding way. It involves active listening (really hearing what your partner is saying, not just waiting for your turn to speak), emotional validation (acknowledging and respecting your partner's feelings, even if you disagree with them), and honest and vulnerable self-expression (daring to show your true self, including your fears and doubts).
- How to Do It:
- Create a Safe Space: Make sure that you and your partner feel safe to share feelings without fear of being judged, criticized, or ignored. Avoid blaming, belittling, or attacking.
- Use "I" Language: Focus on how you feel and what you need, rather than blaming your partner. For example, instead of saying "You're always late," say "I feel worried when you're late because I'm afraid something happened."
- Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of making assumptions, ask your partner about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. For example, instead of saying "You must be angry," ask "How do you feel about that?"
- Practice Empathy: Try to see the situation from your partner's point of view. Imagine what it's like to be them and feel what they feel.
- Give Constructive Feedback: If you have criticism, deliver it in a gentle and supportive way. Focus on specific behavior, not on personal character.
Example:
- Suppose your partner feels homesick and sad because they are far from their family. Instead of ignoring their feelings or trying to tell them to "move on," listen attentively, validate their feelings, and offer support. You could say, "I know this is hard for you, honey. I understand how much you miss your family. I'm here for you."
3. Navigating Language Differences with Patience and Creativity
- Definition: Language is not just a tool for communication, but also a window into culture. Language differences can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and even conflict. Navigating these differences requires patience, understanding, and creativity.
- How to Do It:
- Choose a Fair Primary Language: Agree on the language that will be used as the primary language in your relationship. Consider each other's language skills, as well as practical factors such as the language spoken where you live.
- Learn Your Partner's Language: Even if you don't become fluent, your efforts to learn your partner's language will be greatly appreciated. It shows that you care and are interested in their culture.
- Use Aids: Utilize dictionaries, translation apps, and other online resources to help you communicate.
- Be Patient and Understanding: Remember that learning a language takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and with your partner. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, and learn from them.
- Use Body Language: Nonverbal communication can help bridge language gaps. Use facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language to convey your message.
Example:
- Suppose you are not fluent in Indonesian, but your partner is not fluent in English. You could use a combination of English and Indonesian when communicating. You could also use pictures or diagrams to help explain your ideas.
4. Adapting and Compromising: Creating a Unique Relationship Culture
- Definition: Intercultural marriage is not about adopting your partner's culture completely, or forcing them to adopt yours. It's about creating a unique relationship culture that reflects the values and traditions of both sides. This requires flexibility, compromise, and a willingness to learn and grow together.
- How to Do It:
- Identify Core Values: Discuss what values are most important to you and your partner. Look for similarities and differences.
- Negotiate and Compromise: Be prepared to compromise on things that are less important, but stand firm on your core values.
- Create New Traditions: Combine traditions from both of your cultures to create new traditions that are unique to your relationship.
- Be Open to Change: Remember that your relationship culture will continue to evolve over time. Be open to change and willing to adapt.
Example:
- Suppose you are used to celebrating Christmas in a certain way, while your partner celebrates Idul Fitri in a different way. You could celebrate both holidays together, by combining traditions from both cultures. For example, you could decorate the Christmas tree with Islamic ornaments, or serve typical Idul Fitri dishes at Christmas dinner.
5. Building a Strong Support Network
- Definition: Marrying someone from a different culture can be a challenging experience. Having a strong support network can help you overcome these challenges and strengthen your relationship.
- How to Do It:
- Connect with Family and Friends: Talk to your family and friends about your experiences. Ask for their support and advice.
- Find Intercultural Communities: Join support groups or online communities for intercultural couples. Share your experiences with others who understand what you are going through.
- Seek Professional Help: If you are struggling, don't hesitate to seek help from a marriage counselor or therapist who is experienced in working with intercultural couples.
- Involve Your Partner's Family: Build a good relationship with your partner's family. This can help you understand their culture better and feel more connected.
Example:
- In Indonesia, family plays a very important role in a person's life. Strive to build a good relationship with your partner's family, especially their parents. This will greatly help in building a harmonious and happy relationship.
By implementing these strategies, you can build a strong, healthy, and happy intercultural marriage. Remember that the key is communication, understanding, and respect."